I take my mobile out of my pocket. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to talk to Lily. Tapping in her contact, I wait impatiently, wondering if I’m about to throw up. It’s a good few seconds before she answers.
‘Hello?’
‘It’s Maya.’
There’s a long pause. When she speaks again her voice is different, brittle, almost hollow.
‘How are you?’
‘Fine.’
Why have I just opened with that? I’m not fine at all. And that’s precisely why I’m calling.
‘It’s been a while.’
‘I know. But you said … you said to call if …’
‘You changed your mind.’
‘Yes.’
‘So, you’re not fine at all.’
‘No,’ I admit, my voice cracking. ‘I need to contact him.’
I hear a dainty sigh.
‘Have you got his new number?’ I ask.
‘Of course I have.’
‘Can you let me have it?’
Another silence. She’s thinking.
‘I don’t think that’s the right thing to do.’
‘But you said you wanted to help.’
‘And it’s been a long time.’
‘I know, but I miss him,’ I blurt. ‘I really miss him. It’s taken me a while to realise. I was just so angry when he dumped me, but now … I just need to talk to him. I need to give it a try.’
‘Maya. You’re too late.’
I crash to a halt.
‘Why?’
‘He’s seeing someone.’
‘No.’ The word’s out of my mouth before I know what’s going on. And before I can get a grip on matters, more follow suit. ‘He’s not. Not really.’
‘He is,’ she insists. ‘I met her a few days ago.’
I let my head fall, rub my free hand over my face, remind myself that nothing gets past Lily Babbage. He must be putting on a damn good show … if it is a show.
‘Maya?’
What the hell. Why not let her in on the ruse?
‘We didn’t really split up.’
‘What?’
‘It’s all a pretence. There was somebody … somebody who made threats. I can’t tell you any more. He told Dan to keep his distance. This is just acting, Lily, until he’s dealt with this person. Dan said we’d just go through the motions.’
‘You’re not making any sense.’
‘It’s true. God, don’t tell anyone.’
For a few seconds, I listen to her breathing. At last, she speaks again.
‘Are you thinking straight?’
‘Of course I am.’
‘It’s just … well, this is all a bit far-fetched.’
‘You don’t believe me?’
‘I’ll talk to Dan about it.’
‘No.’ My heartbeat accelerates. ‘Don’t tell him. I’m not supposed to say a word.’
‘Then what am I to do?’
‘I don’t know.’
Suddenly, I seem to have no energy. I’m sick of it all. All the waiting and silence and frustration. And not one scrap of hope.
‘He’s with someone else now. He’s happy. I’m sorry, Maya, but I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be involved any more.’
‘No, Lily, you’ve got to believe me.’
‘Perhaps you should see a doctor,’ she cuts in quickly.
‘I’m not making this up.’
‘I’m just as upset as you are about the split, but I can’t force him to take you back. His feelings have obviously changed.’
‘But …’
‘Maya …’
‘He promised me, Lily. He was even selling the company.’
‘He’s not selling the company. He’d never sell Fosters. Listen to me. This story in your head … that’s all it is … a story. You’re kidding yourself. You need to let it go.’
The phone goes dead. I stare at it in desperation, then throw it into my handbag and gaze into space instead.
It can’t be true, not after everything we’ve been through. He’d never treat me this way. I pick up my coffee and take another shaky sip. He’ll know I’m here now, drinking the best coffee this side of the Thames, and waiting for him. He’ll know I’m upset and he won’t be able to help himself. If I sit here long enough, he’ll turn up and lock me in with those bright blue eyes, and they’ll soften with love, and then he’ll tell me everything’s going to be fine.
Putting down the mug, I gaze up at the trees, their bare branches scratching against the sky. Oh, don’t be a fool, I tell myself. Think about it. All the evidence stacks up. The article. The ice in his eyes. Lily’s words. You can sit here all night and he’ll never show, because he’s done with you. He just hasn’t got the balls to admit it. Wise up. Lily was right. You are kidding yourself. A tremor of shock erupts at the base of my chest, surging up through my throat. I swallow back as much as I can, but a sob manages to escape from my mouth. I shake my head and close my eyes.
I’m falling, crashing … and I need to go home.
Abandoning the coffee, I get up and head for the embankment wall. The evening crowds pass by, oblivious to the chaos in my head, the tears streaming down my cheeks. I lean over and stare at the Thames. Black and unforgiving, it moves on relentlessly, just like the rest of the world.
Any comfort I had unravels … completely and irrevocably.
Chapter Seven
Gusts of wind skitter down the road, catching the last of the autumn leaves, along with a few handfuls of litter, and casting the whole lot into spirals. I shiver, look down at the roses in my hands. Yet another bunch from Boyd. Stepping forward onto the pavement, I hurl them
