My head drops back against the tiled wall as I play with my clit and imagine his now bearded face between my legs as I ride him. We never experienced that on the one night we had. I was a virgin, and he knew it. He was gentle, careful, and everything about that night was loving. I think that’s why when he left, then ignored me for so long, I went wild. It was always meaningless sex—one night, sometimes two, but just sex. Every dirty thing you could imagine I did, with nameless, faceless men, and I never thought of Isaac once. I swear.
“All done,” I say sulkily, walking in the living room still drying my hair with a towel. “Are you watching Jeremy Kyle?” I splutter as I notice the TV show and take in Helena gawking at the screen.
Without moving her eyes from the TV, she mumbles, “Uh huh, this guy is sleeping with his girlfriend’s mother, you couldn’t write this shit.”
“Hmmm, I think you probably could,” I offer back.
“Seriously, there was a woman on there who said her boyfriend killed her hamster. This show is beyond fucked up… and I love it!”
“Seriously?” I deadpan.
Helena nods her head vigorously. “Yep, it sure as hell makes me feel better about my life.”
I stare at the screen and wonder what my Jeremy Kyle tagline would be.
‘Mum, Dad, I’m in love with my cousin. Oh, and he took my virginity.’
Or maybe,
‘Why did you take my virginity then ignore me for years?’
Or ding ding ding… we have a winner!
‘I took her virginity. Now she won’t leave me alone. Stalker Exes.’
“What’s that weird look on your face?” Helena asks, her body now twisted around on the sofa facing me.
“What weird look?”
“I don’t know.” She rubs her chin in thought. “Kind of a mixture between Father Christmas has shat in my fireplace, and my dog just pissed on my favourite shoes kind of look.”
I shrug but burst into laughter, it’s the balm I need to feel marginally better.
“You ready to go?” Helena asks after I finish laughing.
“Let me grab my phone,” I say rushing back to my bedroom. I pull it from the charger and go into my messages. I can see he’s replied, but I purposely look to the side as I scroll up to the top using only my peripheral vision. I need to remember what I sent before I see his reply.
Me: Why did you show up yesterday after all this time? Was it to fuck with me?
Okay, so my first message is pretty put together. I vaguely remember typing this out. I must have only had a couple of glasses of JD at that point.
Isaac: I don’t know why I came back.
Me: That’s not a fucking answer.
Isaac: It’s all I got.
Me: Fuck you, Isaac.
Isaac: Nice mouth.
I notice there is a gap of about an hour between that text and his next one.
Isaac: I’m sorry.
Me: Sorr forr wat???
Hmmm, seems JD and me had become close friends in that lost hour.
Isaac: Are you drunk?
Me: Nont your bissnessss
Isaac: Are you out somewhere? Where are you? Are you with friends?
Me: Shhhh 2 much talking
Isaac: Olivia!
Me: Isssaaack hehehehe
Okay, so I’m obviously finding myself funny at this point.
Isaac: We need to talk. Call me.
The last text was sent this morning. Shit.
I stand staring at the phone then before I can change my mind, I tap out a text.
Me: I can’t today. I’m not sure I can at all.
I don’t wait for his response. I turn my phone off and throw it into my bag, work will keep me busy tonight and hell, the distraction will be more than welcome.
ISAAC
“I don’t care what you have to do, just get this shit done,” I command.
“They ran from the safe house. What do you want me to do, Kane?” Darwin asks.
“Find them,” I order then cut the call.
Darwin is my number two. We don’t use first names, it’s safer that way. My name was assigned when I joined. It’s my middle name, now it’s my life.
Kane. Black Ops.
Kane gets his hands dirty, doing things others… Isaac would never dare. I used to take on Kane as a persona to separate the bad from the good. Now I think I lose a little Isaac every day and become a little more Kane.
Black Ops was something I got into easier than you’d imagine. Outside of my work, there are only five people who know I’m Black Ops, and four of those people think I got into it because I was kicked out of the Army when I went to prison. Only my Uncle Dane knows the truth—that I was already planning on moving into the field before all that happened. I’d spoken to Dane’s contacts and was going to make my transition from light to dark. That was why
