I was fucking ecstatic, seeing her again, but when that prick, Charlie, joined us, I had to bite back my frustration. I knew she wouldn’t stay single, she’s fucking beautiful, inside and out. But it didn’t stop the frustration at seeing her with him, it just spurred me on. I couldn’t help myself. I loved her then, I always had, so I took her that night. I’d like to say I would have stopped if I had known beforehand she was a virgin, but the truth is… I’m a selfish bastard. When I realised I was her first, all I felt was fucking elated. I know that probably makes me a prick, but I don’t feel bad. It’s the one thing I’ve done right in my life. I just wish I could claim her as mine.
But I can’t, my life is my work, and it dictates the choices I make. I can’t have her no matter how much I want her. The decision is out of my hands.
I’ve kept my life structured. Only once did I waiver and second guess my decisions. I considered missing the meeting and not moving into Black Ops when I slipped inside Via, I knew with her was where I truly belonged. I was ready to change the course of my life. Forever. Only for her. That morning I felt calm, peaceful. I wanted to kiss every inch of her and intended to wake her with my tongue until I saw her skin covered in fucking cuts and bruises. Primal rage engulfed me, splintering any hold I had on myself.
I went rogue that day, not from what the Army had taught me, but from my own rules. I lost all control, I wanted to kill him. I tried. Fuck, I nearly succeeded. Even now, after all these years, I feel no remorse. All I feel is gutted that he’s still walking. It’s like an open wound knowing I was in prison, and the only thing I could give Via was safety, but by doing that, I had to take away the one thing she wanted—me. As I said, I’m a selfish bastard, in the end I chose to keep her safe and that was the only thing that got me through.
My office door flies open and slams against the wall. “What the fuck happened?” shouts a red faced Shelly.
“Nicola ran, Craig followed,” I answer, leaning back in my chair.
“Darwin?” she questions, dumping herself on the edge of my desk.
“He’s looking for them right now.”
“Fuck!” she shouts again.
“Calm down, he’ll find them.”
“How can you sit there so calmly? Like this isn’t possibly three months of work down the fucking shitter?” she growls and stands up, prowling across the room and back again.
“Because I know where they are,” I tell her casually.
“Excuse me?” she whispers turning to face me.
“We have a leak. I needed to smoke them out. You passed by the way,” I tell her smirking.
“Fuck you, Isaac, fuck you.” She stalks back out the room slamming the door behind her. Shelly’s the only one who calls me by my real name.
I sigh and find the remote to my stereo. Pressing a button, I lay back and close my eyes, as the smooth voice of John Mayer singing ‘Gravity’ caresses my ears. My mum once showed me a video of Via dancing to this song. I can’t get the images out of my mind. We used to dance together. Mum taught all her boys, but Olivia was always my partner. Now she fucking hates me, but fuck, I still love her.
I sigh as the song comes to an end and pick up my phone. It connects almost immediately. “Bring me the car,” I snap and cut the call. I don’t have time for pleasantries, in this job I’ve found the fewer friends you have, the better. Friends die, and the pain is real, but scars heal. The heart never fucking does.
I look over to Shelly, then to Marcus.
“You don’t think it was me,” he sneers. It’s an act, all of it. I can see the beads of sweat just under his hairline. His pupils are dilated either because he’s lying or maybe he’s high. I know he’s been visiting Brandon lately, and I’m fairly sure it’s been for more than just a stash of weed. His eyes dart between Shelly and me. Occasionally, his gaze travels to Victor who stands near the door waiting to drive us back. I don’t answer his question. I know it was him. I have the evidence to back it up. This job is dangerous, we have enough enemies, so traitors in my own unit won’t be tolerated.
My hand whips inside my jacket, and I pull my knife out of its sheath, throwing it across the room. Marcus doesn’t see it coming until it’s too late. By the time it pierces his windpipe, I’ve thrown another of my knives and it’s settled in his heart. His eyes widen as he drops to the floor and gurgles his last breath.
“Damn you’re cold,” Shelly snorts before turning and walking out.
“Call Clint for clean up,” I order Victor as I follow Shelly out the door.
My job might be brutal sometimes, but I’m good at it. It’s what I know. And if Via ever found out, she’d never look at me with that love in her eyes again.
I’m doing right by her. I’m giving her the safety she needs—away from me.
LIV
“He turned up, just like that? Out of the blue?” Toby questions me.
My index fingers rub circles on my temples as I close my eyes. “That’s what I said, Tobias,” I mutter his full name and squeeze my eyelids
