“She filled the letters with line after line of how perfect her life was before I came along. And how, because of me, her and our father were on the brink of collapse.” I feel a flurry of anger for my brother. “Basically, she wanted you, but not me. When I came along she was scared, upset, and angry. I found adoption forms, Isaac. She was going to give me away, not you, me.” He digs at his chest and stands up.
“But she didn’t,” I finish the story.
“Obviously,” he snaps. “I don’t know why. There were no more letters after that.” Toby lets out a huff. “They went on to have Lawson…” Our youngest brother’s name hangs in the air, like a lynchpin waiting to be pulled. “They obviously fixed their life, but it was my arrival that nearly destroyed them.” He hurls, ramming his thumb into his chest again.
I stand, stretching my arms, the muscles twitch as I reach upward, taking a moment for myself. I knew a lot about our biological parents. Everything gets dragged up when you go into Black Ops, only to be hidden again. I never knew about those letters though. No one did, and Toby, alone, has been living with the venomous ink scrawled on those pages. But that doesn’t explain his behaviour two nights ago.
Lifting my chin he catches my gaze, and although I’ve been away for a long time, he’s my brother, my best friend, and he knows what I need.
“Shit. Okay, the other night.”
I lean back against the mirrored wall tucking my hands into my jogger pockets—the look is casual, relaxed. I’m neither right now.
“It was stupid. Liv dragged me into the toilets.”
My teeth grind down hard. Toby must see the strain on my face as his eyes widen, and he holds up his hands.
“Fuck me, not like that. She tore me a new one for flirting with your bloody girlfriend.”
My head jerks back slightly as my anger calms.
“It sets something in motion inside me. Something wrong and stupid, but I couldn’t control the frustration anymore. It reminded me that you had the girl.”
“I don’t have Shelly.”
“Shitting hell, I know that, Isaac. But you have Shelly, even if it’s fake. You have Liv, even if you aren’t with her—”
I cut him off. “Are you shitting me here? You trying to tell me that you want Via?” I growl low.
“Will you fucking listen!” he bellows, and I raise an eyebrow at him. “Always so damn impatient,” he bitches to himself, I can’t help the chuckle that lets loose. With a roll of his eyes that seems to release his bitterness, he continues his explanation. “I never wanted Liv, not like that. Hey, I still don’t,” he confirms when I can’t help narrowing my eyes on him. “She dances with me now, did you know that?”
His words cause a sting. It’s like having an open wound with no chance of it healing, and he’s just sprinkled salt into it. I shake my head.
“Well, she does. She never did, it was always you. You got the dance partner, you got the girls…”
“You’ve had your fair share of women, Toby.”
“I know, but it was always you. Our real parents wanted you. I guess it all got on top of me in the end, and I reacted in the worst way.”
I let his words filter and process taking a deep, slow inhale in through my nose. Feeling my chest rising, I blow the breath out through my teeth. Toby hears the hiss, and his head whips up until our eyes meet. He sucks in a breath at what he can see, and I hope it’s the last time I look upon my brother like this.
“I want to say two things,” I tell him, and his eyes are wary. “But I’ll preface them both by saying you are my brother, and I love you, always.”
“Okay.” His voice trembles before he coughs to clear it.
“First, our real parents are Saul and Sophie James. Don’t ever forget that.”
His eyes cast downward, he swallows a couple of times feeling my meaning.
“Second.” The word is hard, and he quickly gives me his eyes again. “I love you, but if you ever hurt Via again…” I shake my head and bite down clinking my teeth together. “Fuck. Let’s just agree that it’s never going to happen.”
“Never,” he repeats, shame filling his eyes. I don’t want to see that look on my brother, but he’s acted like a dick, and I had to spell shit out to him. Never let things slide even with family.
Whatever I am, whatever I end up being, there’s one person who claimed me before I even knew what being claimed was. Olivia McKenna was always supposed to end up being Olivia James. She was always supposed to be mine. My life took a turn which made me re-evaluate, but this is the first time in five years I’ve wondered if I took the wrong path. Seeing her on the floor bleeding, I suddenly felt real fear. After walking away, it’s finally sunk in that, although I never want her to be in that situation again, if she were, it could be some other guy by her side, holding her hand, whispering in her ear. She’ll always be my family. If I want to remain in their lives, I’ll have to swallow a fucking dirty, painful pill and watch her being loved by someone else, or worse, watch her loving someone else.
“What is it? You look… scared,” Toby whispers, his voice sounds so far away. It takes a moment to still my thoughts.
Blinking, I focus my eyes on him. “I’ve done things,” I murmur. “If she found out…”
“She’d still fucking love you.
