Threading my fingers together around the back of my neck, I look out of the window and skyward. “Shit, this isn’t going to be easy.”
LIV
Life has a way of slapping you in the face repeatedly sometimes. Like, if you’re too happy, reality dishes up a shark bite, and if you’re not careful, it will tear you apart. That’s how I felt this morning when my mum called and told me that Aunt Libby has cancer. The stories of how my parents, aunts, and uncles got together have been told time and time again over the years.
Uncle Dane and Aunt Libby’s story was probably the saddest. After losing their families and being abused in a foster home, they found each other. Then Uncle Dane was asked to model and went away on a photoshoot for a few weeks. When he returned, Aunt Libby had vanished. It would be over ten years until he found her, only to nearly lose her again. That time was never fully explained to me. I just know it was pretty bad, and it involved her being kidnapped. Uncle Dane loves Aunt Libby with a ferocity that I can only hope to have someone feel for me one day. He calls her Nova, his supernova. I don’t know what to do with this information, and although I’m hurting, I can only imagine the agony he’s going through right now.
I’m not sure how long I sit on the sofa staring out the window with shock and sadness flowing through my veins. A knock on the door makes me jump, and I half-heartedly shuffle to the door and open it. My eyes take in Toby, but I say nothing. I just turn around and walk back to my spot on the sofa.
“Are you all right?” he asks sitting next to me.
I shake my head. “Not really. You?”
“It’s shit.”
“Yeah.”
Our conversation stalls.
“Have you spoken to Isaac?” he asks, and it’s the last thing I expect him to say.
I turn to face him and frown. “No, should I have?”
He shrugs in response. “Yes, no, maybe. I don’t know.”
I frown harder. “What?”
“We had a chat,” he reveals.
“About?”
“You, me, us.”
“Us?” I question, my voice breaking on the word.
“Not us, us. But the bigger us, you know? You, Isaac, me.”
I rub my eyes and blink a couple of times. “You’re making no sense, Toby, and my brain is too fried to decipher, so spit it out.”
“He wanted to know what happened the other night. He was pissed that I hurt you.”
I close my eyes and let the warm feeling slide through me, before pushing it away and remembering he has a girlfriend.
“Did you explain?” I ask, curious. He still hasn’t told me exactly why he acted the way he did and even though I’ve tried not to, a small part of me is still holding a grudge about his behaviour.
“Yeah. I know I told you it was about being in his shadow, but it was more than just women and things. A little while ago I got some documentation, including letters, stuff that belonged to our birth mother.”
“Oh,” is all I can manage as I sit shocked.
“The letters were mainly filled with how much they loved Isaac, then when I came along, how they wanted to have me adopted. They didn’t want me, Liv.”
I gasp as my eyes fill with tears, and I reach out my hand to him. Toby quickly grabs it and holds tight.
“Toby.”
“It’s okay, I’ve known about it for a long time. I was overwhelmed the other night. I’d never dealt with what the letters said or the emotion I felt. After speaking to Isaac, I feel better. Then we had a Skype call with Lawson too, and hashed some stuff out. Honestly, I’m good.”
“Good,” I croak.
“But that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to explain why I behaved like a wankstain, and I also wanted to apologise, again.”
“You’re forgiven.” He frowns. “Honestly, this time you’re truly forgiven,” I say with a smile, and Toby grins back. He knows me well and knew I was still smarting over what happened.
We sit quietly, but he keeps our fingers threaded. I can’t stop my thoughts wandering all over the place.
“You know he still loves you.”
“No. He has Shelly,” I respond, not looking at him.
“She’s not real.”
I tear my eyes from the window and whirl to meet Toby’s. “What?”
He grimaces, and I wonder if he overshared. “I mean, his feelings for her aren’t real. He’ll always love you.”
I turn back to the window. “Maybe, but he’ll never choose me.”
“Maybe he will.”
I sigh. “Maybe it will be too late.”
I feel Toby deflate. “Maybe.”
“Jesters tonight?” I murmur down the phone line to Helena while eyeing Toby as he fries bacon.
“Yeah, I have a late client. I’ll grab Holly and meet you both there?”
“Sure. Don’t forget I still want my new tat.”
She sighs, and I can almost feel her nodding against her will. “Sure. When?”
“Well, it’s my first night back at work tomorrow so let’s go for the weekend?”
“Sure.”
Helena hangs up, and I look over at Toby as he makes the first bacon sarnie. I walk past and grab one, half shoving it in my mouth.
“Damn you, woman,” he moans. I wink in reply and walk into my room shutting the door behind me and opening my wardrobe with one hand, while pushing more food into my mouth with the other.
My phone starts ringing. “Dammit,” I complain, nearly choking when I see it’s Isaac calling.
“‘Lo,” I answer, still chewing.
“Via.” His voice is like a comfort blanket wrapping around me. I imagine throwing it off as my spine straightens.
“Isaac,
