“You’re not those things to me,” she said. “I don’t know a stronger man, a braver—”
“The truth is simple, Kate. After what was done to me, after what I’ve become, I canna give ye the love ye deserve. I even tried to kill ye in my sleep.”
Kate shook her head. “I refuse to believe that. It’s not true. You are already giving me more than anyone has given me in my whole life.”
“Nae, sweet. There’s this bottomless crack in my soul that awakes nightmares and eats me alive. And it will eat ye alive, too. Mayhap, even kill ye one night. I canna be someone who does that to ye.”
Kate clenched her fists. Hope was slipping from her grasp quickly. So quickly, when it had just been within reach. “But I’m broken, too, Ian. I know what that is. I’m the same.”
He nodded and turned to her. His face looking deathly. “’Tis exactly why ye must leave. Why ye canna be with me. Because together, neither of us will heal. I will never be whole again, and you have every chance in the world. Go back.”
Kate reached out, but he shifted back. His gaze hardened. “Go.”
The bed seemed to sway, to careen like a ship on the waves, and the whole world darkened and lost color. Twisting pain grabbed her gut, wrenching her. Bile rose in her throat. She couldn’t believe this was it. He really didn’t want to be with her.
“But you said you loved me—” she heard her voice crack.
“Go,” he said again, louder, as if she were a stray dog.
“Ian—”
“Go!” he yelled.
Spooked, Kate backed up off the bed and stood awkwardly, almost falling. There was no longer any love in his eyes. There was only the bottomless darkness of a cruel man who took lives and survived the best way he could.
There was no place for Kate in his life.
Once again, she was unwanted, imposing, unneeded.
Except, she wasn’t.
She wasn’t a burden—she’d saved his life. She’d never been a burden to her sister or her nephew. She hadn’t been a burden for Manning, either, despite his grumbling.
She’d helped him. She’d helped them all. And if Ian couldn’t love her back, he was right. There couldn’t be a future for them. She couldn’t, and shouldn’t, stay.
She wouldn’t sacrifice her own happiness or her sister’s and Jax’s security for someone who didn’t love her and appreciate her just as she was.
She backed towards the door and opened it. Tears blurred Ian’s image in her eyes, her stomach a ragged wound, her heart a piece of torn flesh.
She threw one last glance at the man she loved and quietly exited his life forever.
Chapter 31
Cape Haute, New Jersey, late July 2020
From the outside, the restaurant looked just as it always did. The tall windows had their sun blinds partly down, and the neon Open sign was lit.
But from what Kate could see of the inside, the white tables with soft faux-leather booth seating were full of diners.
The bell rang as Kate opened the door. The sound sent a tiny, familiar jolt of anxiety through her, like it did every time a customer came in. Her hands would automatically reach towards the fridge that held the patties, as she knew she would most likely need to cook a burger.
The scent of grilled meat, coffee, and freshly baked pie enveloped her as she walked in. Everything was clean and tidy. Guests she’d seen and known her whole life chatted cheerfully as they ate and drank.
Kate looked around with astonishment. She’d half expected a foreclosure sign on the doors. Not this.
Mandy burst through the kitchen doors with a plate of pancakes in one hand and a plate with a burger, fries, and a salad in the other. She didn’t look tired or depressed. Actually, she’d never looked as energized and pink-cheeked before. Her hair in a pretty ponytail, her uniform clean and ironed, she moved quickly, with purpose and pleasure, like a fairy from a childhood cartoon who was about to make everything better.
She put the plates on a table in front of Barb and George Fisher and patted Barb on the shoulder.
“Enjoy!” Mandy said, and she was just about to turn and walk back into the kitchen when she saw Kate.
Her smile fell, the familiar gray-and-tired expression returned, and her shoulders slumped.
Then she plastered a smile on her face. “Kate! You’re back!”
Heads turned in Kate’s direction, and she got a few halfhearted greetings. Had anyone even noticed she was gone? Had Mandy even been worried that Kate had disappeared?
It didn’t matter. Kate was so glad to see her sister and to be back where she belonged, where she was needed. Where she could make a difference and save the restaurant.
Kate waved to everyone back. Leaving her luggage by the door, she went to Mandy and hugged her.
“Hi, sis,” she whispered. “How are you? How’s Jax?”
Mandy leaned back. “We’re good. We didn’t expect you so early. I thought it’d take months for you to train in Scotland…”
“You weren’t worried not to hear from me?”
“No, why would I? I figured you were having the time of your life, finally being able to cook all kinds of foreign dishes in that fancy program.”
Kate licked her lips and looked around. It certainly didn’t look like anyone had missed her or suffered without her presence.
“Come, let’s talk.” Kate tugged Mandy after herself into the kitchen.
There, a new cook flew between the grill and the griddle, flipping burgers and pancakes. Pies baked in the oven. Everything looked clean and organized. But where was the cook Kate had hired to replace her?
“How have you been?” Kate asked. “I was so worried you’d have one of your episodes and wouldn’t be able to manage everything alone.”
Mandy waved her hand. “I was worried, too, but to be honest, I’ve really enjoyed managing the restaurant. I hope you don’t mind, but I did put a couple of changes into practice. We went even more
