Nevertheless, Aedan was filled with apprehension. He had not seen Laera since she had departed for Boeruine with her new husband, and relations between them had been strained for a long time. Perhaps her marriage to Derwyn would finally allow her to leave the past in the past, but Aedan doubted it. He knew Derwyn, and he knew Laera would walk all over him. Derwyn lacked his father’s strength of personality.
He was not a weakling, but he was too good-hearted, too eager to avoid conflict by accommodation. And Laera needed a firm hand on the reins.
Perhaps she’d changed, but Aedan had learned that people never really changed unless they wanted to and made a diligent effort. Judging by the rumors he had heard about Laera’s behavior right up until her marriage, Laera hadn’t changed at all. She had been very careful and had avoided scandal, but few things remained secret for long at the Imperial Court, and there were whispers concerning her libertine behavior. No one had ever said anything out loud, of course, nor were any accusations made, but Aedan had his sources-he could not properly fulfill his duties unless he knew what went on in the castle-and what he’d heard had given him no cause to believe Laera might have changed her ways.
Quite the opposite, in fact.
He wondered, sometimes, if he might in some way be responsible for the way she had turned out.
If he had not broken their affair off as he did, perhaps things might have been different. Perhaps it was anger and bitterness over the way he had treated her that led her to abandon all sense of morals and propriety. But then again, it was she who had seduced him and not the other way around.
And he’d had no choice but to break off their affair.
To continue it would have meant disaster for them both. And Laera seemed bent on flirting with disaster. It excited her.
She had never loved him. The words had never passed her lips. But Aedan could not blame her for
that. He had not loved her, either. What they had between them was a hunger, a hunger that was obsessive, consuming, and unhealthy. There was something wrong with feelings like that, no matter how exciting and compelling they were. At times, Aedan found making love with Laera an incredible experience, but he had only been fooling himself. They had not been making love. They were merely having sex. It had been thrilling, passionate, and intoxicating, but it wasn’t until that night he had spent with Sylvanna that he truly realized what making love was really all about.
One night. That was all they had. And he had never been able to forget it. He had been drunk, but not so drunk that he couldn’t function or remember, just drunk enough to lose his inhibitions. In that one night, something had changed in him forever.
They had known each other for close to a decade, and in that time, their friendship had grown and solidified until it became something much more profound. That one night, he later realized, had merely been the climax of a process that had been taking place for a long time.
When he was with Ariel, he never thought of Laera. But on occasion, while they were making love, he found himself thinking of Sylvanna. He had never told Ariel about that because he knew it would hurt her. And if she suspected, she never said a thing. He always felt a sharp stab of guilt whenever it occurred, for he had grown to love Ariel very much, but it wasn’t something he could control. He did not love Ariel any less for thinking of Sylvanna, but it seemed if he truly loved her, he should not think of any other woman. And yet, he did. He knew no matter what happened, Sylvanna would always be a part of him. Love was much more complicated than the bards made it out to be.
He was enjoying their journey, but he was not looking forward to reaching their destination. Ariel knew about Laera, knew about their affair when it had gone on and had watched its effects afterward.
“I never loved her, Ariel,” he had explained. “It was wrong. And what makes it worse is I knew it was wrong, but went ahead with it just the same. I was weak, I guess. I just could not resist her. But that is no excuse.”
“It happened,” Ariel replied. “There is no point in self-recriminations. You cannot change the past. You can only let it go. But I do not think Laera will ever let go. Be careful of her, Aedan. She hates you. I can see it in her eyes.”
“She’s hurt and angry,” Aedan said. “Perhaps, in time, she will get over it.”
“Angry, yes, but not hurt,” Ariel replied. “She would have had to care for you in order to be hurt.
What you did when you broke it off with her was even worse for someone like Laera. You stung her pride. You held a mirror up to her and showed her what she truly was. She will never forgive you for that.
Never. But if she ever tries to hurt you, I swear I’ll kill her.”
“Don’t talk like that,” said Aedan. “She is married now and out of our lives.”
“Don’t be so sure.”
“Derwyn is not his father,” Aedan said. “She will doubtless have him
