“They say a battlefield where a great struggle has been fought always feels different, no matter how many years pass,” said Aedan. “There is always something about a place where many have given their lives in combat.”
“I feel it here as well,” said Michael. “They stood here, behind this very wall, watching Arwyn’s entire army coming at them in the big push.
Vastly outnumbered, knowing they would be overrun, yet still they stood.
They stood for me.”
“They stood for the empire,” Aedan said.
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“You imply I have hubris?” Michael said. “Well, be that as it may, I am the empire. It was my decision that put them here, and even if it was not for me that they stood, they still stood because of me. As a consequence of my actions. As the dead upon that battlefield fell as a consequence of my actions.”
“Not just yours,” said Aedan. “It was Arwyn who rebelled. It was Arwyn who made the war, not you.
It was his army that was marching on Anuire, and that was why those brave men fell on Sorrow Field.
They fell to stop them. Taking all the guilt upon yourself is not only unjust, but it detracts from their nobility of purpose. They fought and died for their wives and for their children and for their fellow countrymen. And for you. But not for you alone.”
Michael sighed heavily. “Do you think I love war, Aedan? Tell me the truth. I shall not hold it against you.
“I have always told you the truth,” Aedan replied.
He paused. “And yes, I think you do.”
Michael nodded. “Perhaps I did once,” he said.
“As a boy, I dreamed of leading troops in battle.”
“I know.” Aedan smiled. “We acted out those dreams often enough.”
“How you must have hated it,” said Michael with a grin, “having to play at war with children. All those times I made you ‘die’ over and over again because you did not do it dramatically enough.”
Aedan chuckled. “I must admit, it tried my patience.”
“A virtue you have cultivated well,” said Michael.
“I should benefit from your example. Perhaps I did love war. I don’t know. I know I loved how it made me feel. It made all my senses sharper than the finest
blade. It made the blood pound in my veins. It made me feel alive.”
Aedan experienced a sudden epiphany. “The risk,” he said, thinking of Laera. He had always been convinced that Michael had no fear, that he was incapable of it. Perhaps he had been wrong. Perhaps, like Laera, Michael simply found the fear, the risk, intoxicating.
Michael nodded. “You felt it, too?”
“Not in the same way,” said Aedan. “Or perhaps not to the same extent.
But I understand what you mean.”
“I have been trying to remember when it changed,” said Michael thoughtfully. “In the aftermath of our last campaign through the Shadow World, perhaps.
That was certainly when it started, but as miserable as I felt afterward, I still don’t think it ever truly struck home until I saw Derwyn ride up and see me standing there over his father’s body, holding his severed, bloody head. I shall never forget the expression on his face. I see it in my dreams.”
“It had to end with either Arwyn’s death or yours,” said Aedan. “Arwyn would have settled for nothing less. Derwyn knew that.”
“Still. I killed his father, then made him a duke and gave him my sister for his wife, as if that could make up for it. And now we travel to Seaharrow, where he plays host to us for Summer Court.” He shook his head. “It all seems mad. At least a dozen times, I have thought of forgetting all about this, turning around, and going back to Anuire.”
“You could,” said Aedan. “After all, you are the emperor. No one would question your decision.”
“What about you? I don’t imagine you’re very eager to see Seaharrow once again.”
“I could do without it,” Aedan said. “It holds unpleasant memories.
But we both know this trip is necessary. If we canceled it, Derw-yn would regard it as a snub.”
“Yes, Laera would make sure of that,” said Michael.
“I did him no favor by marrying him off to her.”
“By all accounts, she has made him very happy”
“So they say. I find that difficult to believe. It doesn’t sound much like Laera, does it?”
“Perhaps she’s changed,” said Aedan.
“Do you really believe that?”
“No.”
“Neither do I. She always was a meanspirited little harlot. I’ll never understand what you saw in her.”
“That is because you can only look upon her as a brother,” Aedan said wryly.
Michael remained silent for a moment. Then he asked, “Does Ariel know?”
“Yes. I told her everything.”
“Did you? And how did she react?”
Aedan paused to consider his reply. “She was very understanding.”
“What did she say ?”
Aedan found this topic of conversation awkward, but he could hardly refuse to answer. “She said the past was in the past.”
“And that was all?”
Aedan cleared his throat. “She said Laera would never forgive me, and if Laera ever tried to hurt me, she would kill her.”
Michael chuckled.
“You find that amusing?”
“Only that it sounds like the Ariel I remember from our childhood games.
She nearly killed you once, as I recall.”
“It does not disturb you that my wife has sworn to kill your sister?”
“If she ever tried to harm you, is what you said,” Michael corrected him. “And if it ever came to that, I’d kill her myself.”
Aedan was nonplussed. “Well … I don’t know if I should be flattered or alarmed.”
“If she ever tried to do you any harm, it would be an act of treason,”
Michael said. And then, almost as if
