As I fall asleep, my dream images shift from Jane, Ana, and a faceless little girl. Mostly Jane.
19 Jane
Standing in the big conference room with Terry, I can’t help thinking how long I’ve wanted to stand in here with her. While scurrying out the door to tend another hectic day at the courthouse chasing impossible cases, I would see the morning meetings in here as I dashed past.
I very rarely sat in on them, let alone had business with the boss. Now I’m here—alone with her—and all I want is to be somewhere else.
We’re both standing near the corner of the table, not even sitting at its shining mahogany magnificence. As if I’m not worth a seat there. Terry chooses to have my briefing standing up. I’m trying not to feel insulted—maybe she hasn’t even noticed—but that just makes it more insulting.
“Terry, I told you, I can’t do this. You can’t make me do this.”
She leans back on one heel with her arms crossed. Her eyes flicker, but her face remains calm.
“No one is making you do anything. It was your choice to accept Riker’s terms, right there on the spot.”
“I was worried… we were in court. I didn’t have time to think.”
A smile chases at Terry’s lips. “Well. You agreed. The plan is in motion now, and it wouldn’t be good for you to pull out. You do realize how well his social media campaign is going?”
“I haven’t really thought about it. I know that was the whole reason we struck the deal but—”
“Well. You should be very pleased, Jane. The public loves you. Sometimes when a new girlfriend comes on the scene for a famous playboy, the fans get upset. But so far, everyone is just ga ga over you two.”
“That’s nice.” Sarcasm gives my voice a hard edge. “But this is my life.”
“Yes.” Terry taps a finger on her arm thoughtfully. “It is your life, isn’t it? That’s why you agreed to this little play, after all, because it’s your life that will either improve or get ruined, not so much Riker’s.”
“What?”
“Well. He’s scared right now. But in actual fact, nothing much can hurt his reputation. Everything can be used to garner good publicity. The added bonus of this sham—which even I could not foresee—is that the public actually loves you. It’s given him a significant boost. But for you? Well. If you pull out, you’re done in the firm. You’re done as a lawyer. You’ll also have several billion fans howling for your blood after you break their darling Riker’s heart.”
I just stare at her for a few seconds, the silence stretching out between us as if it could grow big enough to swallow me. I can barely force my voice out of my throat.
“What?”
“I told you. Get him off, or you’re done. Did you forget that? You can bail if you want. As I said, no one’s making you do anything. But I think I’ve just laid it out for you what to expect if you do walk.”
She stares me down. I know my eyes are wide, and my face is just slack from shock. Terry has that stern glare she uses on rival lawyers. It's intimidating. She’s waiting for me to speak and I can’t think of a single thing to say.
“Jane.” Her voice is soft and persuasive now. “The plan is working very well. The fans are so excited about the wedding it pushed the legal focus away from the charges—remember, he’s the figurehead of so many businesses, how his fans vote with their money will influence a lot of rich people who share investments. His reputation is going so well I would assume he is actually raking in a lot more money than before. Legally, the case is progressing well. What problem are you having here? Is it Riker personally?”
“Well…”
“Is he that bad to be around? Really? I know he’s an arrogant dick but surely—”
“Yes, he is difficult.” I take a deep breath and sigh it back out. “It’s hard to talk to him. I’m struggling.”
“Well, you don’t have to do it forever.” She waves her hand and picks up some papers, prelude to dismissing me.
“Terry. You know what the big problem is.” My voice has gone plaintive, and I’m showing my vulnerability. This is the very rare, woman to woman plea. She looks up at me and her eyes are wide, softer somehow.
“It’s Nia.” I say softly. “She needs stability. This—This whole thing, it’s not fair on her.”
“Hey.” Terry touches my shoulder. “I get it. I do. But try to think of it as… A party for her. Bring her fancy presents and stuff and tell her it’s all make-believe. Like a play. She might even get into it.”
I look at the floor. “Yeah. She’s a smart kid. I should be honest with her.” My heart sinks at the thought.
“Okay. Well. Like I said, no one’s forcing you, and it won’t be long. Why don’t you head home now? Hang out with her a bit. Take a break.”
“Yeah.” I start to move towards the door. “Thanks, Terry.”
I barely notice as I get my briefcase and head to the elevator. My ride home is usually too long, but today I roll through it in a daze.
I’m pissed. I know I’m trapped. She’s right, no one’s forcing me, but still, I know I have to do this. My stomach twists as I think about being near Riker again. My heart leaps—stupid fool that it is. I feel excited, my pussy even throbs, right here, jammed between people on the late afternoon bus.
I want him. So badly. My fingers ache to touch him. But this isn’t real. None of it is real. I’m worried about Nia, sure. Of course, I am.
But I’m worried about me, too. I’ve trained myself not to fall hard into love. It’s dangerous to throw yourself away chasing that sensation, that feeling of
