It seems my heart can’t be stopped from its wanting. I grip my hands tightly together and get up for my stop.
As I run into my building, I decide not to think about him, at least for now. I just want to hang out with Nia and try to distance myself from this who tangled mess.
I head into my apartment to see Indica and Shelly, rushing back and forth between my apartment and theirs. I smile and shake my head. My old friend has usually got some kind of emergency happening on any given day.
“What’s up, Indica?”
“I’m having to use your oven and stove!” She calls out. “Got the cousins coming in and I ran out of space! There are six young men in the group as well as four girls and my sister and great aunt!” Her voice trails off as she runs back to the hall.
Still chuckling I head down the hall. I’ll chat to Nia for a bit, and then I’ll help Indica move her food into her apartment. She has a massive family that she’s always trying to feed or buy presents for.
I find Nia doing her homework. She looks up as I come in, smiling and opening her arms for a hug.
“Hey Mom!”
“Hey baby.” I hug her tight. “Good day?”
“Yeah Mom. Can I help Indica and Shelly? Indica told me to do my homework.”
“She was right! I tell you what, you can come and help in a few minutes then I’ll sit down and do your homework with you.”
“Okay Mom. Have you seen Riker lately?”
My stomach clutches at itself, but I don’t let it show. “Not really. Not today, anyway. Why?”
“Well.” She grins. “I think you love him, Mom.”
“Why?” I’m sure I haven’t given anything away.
“Your face. You try to hide it, but you go all soft when I say his name.”
For a moment, the room seems too real, too full. Nia’s face is secretive and affectionate, like she knows something I don’t know.
Maybe she does. That’s the scary thought. My daughter knows me too well, better than I give her credit for.
And she’s always right. Especially about me.
20 Riker
Of all the people to be in my apartment right now, I can’t believe it’s Ana Marx. We’re sitting in chairs facing one another. It feels so business-like and so strange. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation with Ana where we aren’t fighting or tearing each other’s clothes off. It’s all passion with her. It used to be with me too. But things are different now.
I don’t know why I invited her. When she texted, I was on auto-pilot from the shock. I should have told her to leave right then and there. I shouldn’t have invited her to sit down in my living room. I know that old flames have been messaging me left and right. Perhaps I was naïve to think that none of them would try anything as bold as this. But Ana was never known for her subtlety.
She stares me down. She leans comfortably on the armrest of the chair. Her legs are crossed. It seems like her legs go on for days before disappearing under her short dress. I hate that I notice, but I don’t know why. Or maybe I just won’t admit why.
Her dress is red. She knows it drives me wild. We have many memories of her wearing that dress for maybe two minutes before I get it off of her. She’s trying to tease me. Trying to goad me into doing something to mess up this thing with Jane. I swallow hard. I feel like a kid again. She seems so cool and confident, and I know I can stand up to her, but this is new territory for me.
“Riker,” she says, practically purring.
“Ana,” I respond. I try to keep my voice as flat as possible.
She leans forward. The low cut of her dress shows off her cleavage. “Why don’t we cut to the chase? We both know why I’m here.”
“Well, Ana, unfortunately, you’re going to leave disappointed.” I feel a bit of confidence surge through me as I turn her down. This is uncharted territory for me. Everything that I’m doing with Jane scares the shit out of me, but I want to keep pushing to see where it will go.
Ana gives me a fake pout. “You’d do that to me, Riker? You’d invite a lady in and not show her a good time?”
“We can’t do this anymore, Ana. Things are different now.”
“Different?” She asks, cocking her head. “I know it isn’t different, Riker. I’m not stupid.” She reaches over the gap between us and puts a hand on my knee.
“You’re not different. She’s not different. She’s just the latest in a long line of women for you.”
She smiles at me and her hand starts to move farther up my leg. “You and I both know this thing has an expiration date. So why don’t we have some fun while I’m here?”
I catch her hand as she goes up my thigh. I take it off my leg. “No, Ana. Stop. I don’t want to do this. It isn’t right or fair to Jane.”
She’s clearly caught off guard. Her smile fades, and she starts to look upset and embarrassed. “Then why did you invite me in?” The purr in her voice turns to a growl.
I start to get frustrated too. “I don’t know. Fuck. You should go.”
She sits back in the chair and scowls at me. We both hear a door open behind us. Before I know it, Jane is standing in the doorway.
Her brown eyes dart between the two of us before narrowing.
“Riker,” Jane says. Her voice is angry and staccato. “What the fuck is going on? Who is this?”
I feel my heart sink. For a moment, I’m a little boy again, caught with his hand in the cookie jar before dinner.
“Uh…” I
