“You right, you are, and maybe that makes me mad because you are holding things down without me. Maybe I’m using working as an excuse to not be around because when I am around, I see that I’m not missed or needed. You’ve been doing it all, and I’m not adding anything to Nelle’s life. Hell, she probably knows Ricky or your brothers better than she knows me. I know what I did to you, and it’s hard being around you because I always think of what I did to break you, didn’t work. Janelle was meant to be here, and I feel bad about the things I did to make sure she didn’t enter this world. And she’s walking around looking just like me. She doesn’t deserve to walk around looking like the very person who didn’t want her at some point.”
“So what are you saying, Jemar?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m serious about coming around more. I know you’re holding things down, but I do want her to know me and know that I care and love her. I know I have a long way to go before you can trust me, but I’m willing to put in the work to earn your trust back. I want Janelle to know me and love me, the real me. And one day I will tell her about all the things I did you and her and hope she can forgive me. I hope you can forgive me too.” It was quiet until I heard Bre sniffling.
“Look, I’ll put off my move to Atlanta until next year, but you should really use this time to do right by Janelle because I’m not changing my mind about moving. I need this, and so does Nelle, I want better for her.”
“Me too, and I will. I’m not giving you any details, but I’m about to make a move that would get me out this game with my family. My uncle approved my transition, and I’m ready to attempt to be a regular hardworking nigga. I’m doing this for Nelle.”
“You should do it for yourself.”
“I am. I will. I know it’s late, but I will still like to come over so Nelle can at least see me when she wakes up.”
“Fine, but don’t take forever getting here. Do you really have to handle that tonight?”
“Not really, it can wait, but I got some loose ends to tie.”
“Okay, call me when you’re on your way.”
“Alright, I will.”
“Hey, Jemar!” Bre shouted as I took the phone away from my ear to end the call.
“Yeah?” I said as I placed the phone back to my ear.
“I forgive you. And you should try to forgive yourself too.”
“Thanks. And I’m trying. There’s a lot of shit that I have to answer one day. I just hope I can be forgiven.” I said then ended the call. I got out of the car and headed up the walkway to the house that I was headed to. Before I could put my key in, it opened.
“You’ve been waiting for me?” I smiled.
“You have no idea,” Tia smirked.
38. Bre
“I’m so proud of you, you know?” God said to me. We were sitting on a bench at a beach just watching the waves in the distance. It was so peaceful and beautiful.
“I know. Thanks for not giving up on me.” I said and turned to face him. He was just like a regular old black man, but I knew who it was because nobody could speak to me like how He could.
“How could I not? You forgot that you’re mine?”
“I think I did, but I remember now.”
“And that’s eternity. In life and after death.”
“I know,” I said, then faced the waves again. It was silent...too silent. “What’s wrong?” I asked. He kinda looked sad.
“You know I have to take him.”
“Is that why we’re here?”
“I wanted to bring you somewhere that gave you peace before the storm. There is more to come, but I want to show you that no matter what you may go through, peace will come, and I will always be there. Don’t lose your connection to me. I got you.”
“Why?”
“There is so much you don’t know, but in due time.” He said as he got up from the bench.
“Who is it?” I asked before he walked away.
“Get up and see.” He pointed to the opposite direction of the beach. There was a male’s silhouette standing with his feet in the sand, looking out into the ocean. I got up and walked over to him. However, as I got closer, there was a sudden bright light, so bright I couldn’t see.
I jumped out of my sleep as I heard my phone vibrating on my nightstand. Janelle was sleeping next to me, but she wasn’t disturbed. I leaned over and grabbed my phone without paying attention to the Caller ID.
“Hello?” I answered groggily.
“Wait, what? Slow down, what happened?” I said. I threw the covers off my body and planted my feet on the floor. “Noooooooooooooo!” I cried. I didn’t even realize that Janelle had woken up until I felt her little head on my back. I pulled her into my lap and looked down at her. She didn’t have a clue as to what was going on, but it seemed she did because she laid her head on my chest and smiled, letting me know it was going to be okay.
