“Imagine coming out here like this five years from now with a flatbed trailer and a pile of blankets. We could build a bonfire over there—we’ll bring marshmallows and hot dogs and let the kids roast them while we teach them about all these constellations.” He sighed—maybe it was supposed to be a happy sigh, but it sounded melancholic to me. “What do you think, two boys and a girl?” he asked, his thumb carelessly stroking mine.
I thought about it for a moment. “I guess if we live close enough we could take a day trip out here, but I like to think we’d be living somewhere with plenty of sky to explore anyway.”
He sighed again. There was no question that this one was melancholy. “Think about it, Daisy,” he said softly. “If we move somewhere else to start our family, how will we know what’s safe? They could go out in the wilderness alone and find something we would never even dream of. Bear traps or land mines or something.”
“Land mines?” I laughed. “Where do you think we are, the middle east? They won’t run into land mines no matter where we live. And there’s no reason you and I can’t go exploring alone before the kids come along.” I walked my fingers up his chest as I rolled over to kiss his cheek. “There will be plenty of new places for us to christen, after all.”
I kissed his ear and his throat, moving my body until I was pressed against him, until my heartbeat thundered against his. He hesitated for a moment, then gave in. We made love under the stars, my head full of hope and plans for the future.
Chapter 15
I was getting anxious for a plan, but Kash had been dodging every attempt I made to talk about it. Still, I’d been squirreling my own pay-checks away, not spending anything except what I needed to for the sake of the household. My measly three hundred dollars in savings had turned into eight hundred. At this rate it would still take me a year to save enough to leave on my own, but I was sure that Kash was working on something on his end, even if he wasn’t ready to tell me about it yet.
I had been prepared to be patient for as long as it took for him to come to me—until I came home to find my mother furiously scrubbing tears from her face, tears which refused to stop flowing even though she kept an iron-fisted control over her breath and expressions.
“Mom! What happened?”
“Allergies,” she lied weakly.
I took her hands and made her sit at the table with me. I had all intentions of searching her watery eyes for the truth behind her tears, but she refused to look at me. “Momma, seriously. What’s going on?”
She sucked in a long, deep breath and blew it out slowly. There was a time my mother was filled with strength; a time where no one would ever feel like they had a reason to pity her. It wasn’t that she had everything, it’s just that she had her crap together. Now, looking at her, it’s even more obvious that she’s completely lost in this big, gaping world.
“Your father,” she finally said, “he’s been laid off for the season. It’s temporary, they say—just not enough work to go around right now unless we move to Asheville, and they won’t pay relocation expenses—so we have to be very careful about money for a little while.”
My heart sank. The last time the construction company did this, Dad was out of work for three whole months. Back then I’d had almost three thousand dollars saved up. It was all gone by the end of the dry spell. I could feel the trap closing over my head again, and all the hopelessness that came with it. If I didn’t get out now, I never would. I loved my mom, dad too, but…at some point kids had to live their own lives, didn’t they? Somehow it didn’t quite feel that way. Maybe if it was only my dad who’d grunt and groan about me turning my back, then it’d be alright. He was big and strong and bold, he could figure things out. My mom, though, as things were, she was barely hanging on by a thread.
I kissed her cheek and pulled her close, squeezing as tightly as I could manage. “Cheer up, Mama. It’s happened before and we survived. We’ll survive again.”
She smiled at me, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I know how we survived last time, Daisy. I—can’t tell you not to spend your savings again, but—maybe I’ll start working. He can’t object to that now, can he? Not when he’s not making anything?”
He could and he would and we both knew it. But I squeezed her hands and gave her an encouraging smile. “Of course not. It’s the only logical thing to do. Heck, I can even pick up the late shift at the diner. It’s only four hours, that’s nothing.”
She huffed exasperatedly. “You’re already working full shifts or more at the library, Daisy. You can’t kill yourself over this.”
I winked at her. “I’m young and spry still. Don’t worry about me. We’ll get through this.”
I couldn’t make myself believe the things I said, though. By the time I snuck out my window to meet Kash in our usual place, I’d whipped myself into a panicked frenzy. I couldn’t stay. I’d take her with me if she would come, but I couldn’t keep living like this. We—I, at least—had to get out from my father’s thumb before my whole life passed by.
“Hey sexy,” Kash said as I climbed into his truck. He went to give me a kiss, but I
