The flat stone we always perched on seemed smaller now, and the river seemed duller and browner, but it was still our spot. I sidled up next to him until we were shoulder to shoulder, then put my hand over his.
“So? What’s on your mind?” I asked.
“Right now? I’m disappointed in myself, I guess. I know you were looking forward to tonight. I feel like I screwed that up.”
“Shut up,” I said, nudging him. “You’re going through something. You don’t get to martyr yourself for me, Mr. Lawson. Now, what’s going on?”
He sighed heavily and pushed his hand through his hair. “I’m getting laid off. Budget cuts to the road crew. There isn’t anywhere else and anyone else hiring in this town. Well, nothing that’ll give me money that makes sense. I might be able to get a couple part-time gigs, but that won’t satisfy Breaker. He’s expecting me to find a job in a town with no jobs. This whole shit just feels too impossible.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw and he looked down at his hands. I rubbed his back, but he didn’t seem to notice.
“That’s not all, is it?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Leroy’s going through withdrawals right now. Blames me for not getting him more.”
Kash pushed himself to his feet and stalked across the top of the hill. He snatched up a stone and threw it as hard as he could toward the creek. “And who can blame him? I used to be the hookup. Me and Hunter, the one-stop mobile shop for all your brain-bending needs. How many people ended up like Leroy when I left?”
“How bad was he?” I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
Kash groaned. “Not too bad. Not yet. He’s hurting, though. Irrational. Itchy. Tried to take my head off with his bare hands, then started bawling like a baby when I flattened him.” He paused and ran his hands frustratedly down his face. “I didn’t—why didn’t I see what that was doing to people?”
I stood and went to his side. “You did. Remember? This isn’t the first time you’ve had this epiphany, Kash. But the first time, Hunter was there. He reminded you that the only way out of this town was to make more than it’ll pay you to stay. That hasn’t changed.”
Kash scoffed bitterly. “Are you telling me that I need to go back to selling? Because trust me, I’ve already considered it.”
I gasped. “You haven’t! Damn it, Kash--!”
“Hey, I said I considered it, not that I’d done it. Will you listen? You’re right. The only way out is to get more money, a lot more money. Even more now.” He glared down at the water, fists clenched.
“Wait. What do you mean? I thought you couldn’t leave anyway.”
“I can’t. Legally, I can’t. But I can’t stay either, can I? The stipulations Breaker put on me are just not possible around here. I can’t make the money he wants me to make without breaking the law. I can’t get the jobs he wants me to get because they don’t exist. If I stay here, I’m going to end up in prison. If I leave—well, maybe if I go far enough, I can get out of his reach.”
“How far would you have to go? How much would it cost?”
He looked up at the moon, shining full and bright over the empty expanse. “I was thinking about that. Several thousand dollars, probably, and I’d have to work quickly. It’s pretty easy to get into Mexico from here. Once I’m there, he wouldn’t be able to find me.”
I blinked in shock. “Mexico? Kash, that’s something a fugitive would say. You didn’t even do the crime you were accused of, why are you acting like this?”
He exploded, throwing his hands helplessly overhead. “Because it doesn’t fucking matter, Daisy! It doesn’t matter that I didn’t kill Hunter and it doesn’t matter that there’s no work, it doesn’t matter that I can’t possibly pay my keeper without the work, and it doesn’t matter that Leroy is scratching his skin off. There’s no winning here. The best I can hope to do is scrape enough together to blow this town and hope to God you come with me.”
I stepped in front of him, glaring. I grabbed his face in my hands and forced him to look at me. “Listen to me, Kash. You are not going back to selling drugs. You are not going back to prison. And you are not going to run away to goddamn Mexico. You know why? Because if you do, I will never speak to you again. Is that what you want?”
Dark fury whirled in his eyes. “So if I go back to prison for failing to do the impossible things Breaker demands that I do, you’ll never talk to me again? So supportive, Daisy.”
His cruel sarcasm cut but didn’t wound me. I was too pissed off for that. I dropped my hands to my sides. “Way to dodge the point, Kash.”
“What the hell is the point, then?”
I turned to walk away from him. I was too angry to make a sensible argument, and he was too upset to hear me. There was no point in my staying up there with him.
“Daisy! You aren’t even going to answer me? What the hell was the point of that little ultimatum if it wasn’t just your way of taking Breaker’s
