I had no reason to go in for the cash now. I still remembered exactly how much was hidden there, in the steel ammo safe tucked inside the plastic tackle box wrapped in a plastic bag. I remembered the combination to the ammo safe, could feel in my shoulders how far down the stash was buried, and even recalled how heavy the whole thing was. When the time came, I’d be ready to haul it away.
I was miles away from the motel now, and the long walk gave me plenty of time to think. Eventually I came to begrudging terms with the fact that Daisy was right—taking my money and running wouldn’t help. It would trap me—and her, if she decided to come with me—in whichever country we ended up in after crossing the border. It wouldn’t be fair to her. Hell, it wouldn’t be fair to me. Running off like that would be the ultimate confession of guilt.
No.
There was only one way to get out of here—I would have to clear my name.
It wasn’t until I was almost home that I realized I’d overlooked the greatest tool in my arsenal. Leroy. He knew everything about everybody and wasn’t afraid to talk. If I could just get him relaxed enough to remember shit from six years ago, he might spill some little tidbit which would start me off in the right direction. I was a little too excited when I got back to the motel, completely forgetting the predicament I’d left Leroy in.
Unfortunately for me, he was already in bed, which was fine—he was probably still dealing with withdrawal anyway and would be in no mood to talk.
A few more steps took me up to my room and I can’t deny that by the time I got there, exhaustion had finally decided to rear its head. I flopped down on the mattress, leaning into the squeaking, but still thankful that I was in a place where I could rest my head without the smell of piss lifting my nostrils. Still, I wasn’t as thankful as I would have been given the opportunity to just move the fuck out of here, or at least share this worn out mattress with Daisy.
Daisy.
My mind spun. My heart sunk. Sometimes I wished it was easy to give her up. But that had never been the case and I knew, deep down, that it would never be. It boggled my mind, though. How the universe could connect us this way, but make things so damn hard all at the same time.
Closing my eyes, I tried to will myself to sleep. But all I could hear and all I could think about was the pain and the anger in her voice. That, and the fact that as old as we were, we were sneaking around like damn teenagers.
I couldn’t even fucking call her to apologize.
Chapter 20
I rolled over my plan to clear my name the entire day at work. One more week and I wouldn’t have the job working on the roads anymore. And I know the foreman said we could take this last week to do apply for jobs and all that, but I already knew what the job situation was like. I’d turned in enough application and gotten shot down, lowballed, and ignored enough times to know that resubmitting an application was like trying to shoot without a bullet in my gun.
As soon as I got off, I burst through the motel doors, eager to get started on my plan. Leroy wasn’t at his desk, which meant he was either in his office behind it, or in his apartment behind that.
As I approached the office door, a unique, subtly chemical scent greeted me.
Frowning, I knocked on the door.
“Go away!” His voice was lazy, but somehow, still had a sharpness to it.
I knocked again, just to get his attention. “Leroy, it’s Kash. I got a question for you.”
This time, he didn’t answer and so I knocked again. When no answer came, I said, ‘fuck it’ and opened the door. Leroy sat between clouds in his chair—a white, whirling billow around his knees, a blue haze above him. His head lolled back against the leather seat, pinpoint pupils tracing the path of smoke trickling off the cigarette which dangled between his fingers.
He dragged his head forward and grinned stupidly at me. “Kash! Come on in, I got a message for you.”
“You better come out here,” I said, taking a step back. “I breathe that air you got there, I’ll be pissing dirty for a week.”
I closed the door on his reedy laugh and frowned. On the one hand, he was more likely to talk now. On the other, I could almost smell the destruction on him. Destruction that I didn’t need to have seep into my own pores.
I shook my head and hopped up on the counter, waiting for him to drag himself out to meet me. If I knew drugs the way I thought I did, it would take him a while and so I didn’t count the clock. I just waited. And waited. He’d make his way out here eventually, that much I knew. And when he did, he’d be full of talk and energy.
I swallowed the guilt. I hadn’t been his supplier this time, and it was like Daisy said—Leroy had been an addict since before I was old enough to understand what that meant. Long before I’d swapped my drugs for his money. And maybe long before that, too.
After what felt like forever and an eternity, Leroy came out. He was moving like a cricket, and had his hands close to his chest, balled tight into two bony fists. His eyes all over the place, looking here and looking there, not able to focus on one thing or anything at all. At least not for a while. Coming
