And that was something she couldn’t get used to.
“Wanna play a game?” he asked.
“What kind of game?”
He went to the bookshelf there in the living room and started searching through the shelves. Until that moment, Tillie hadn’t paid much attention to what was stored there.
“I’ve got Rook.”
“That needs more than two players.”
“Dutch Blitz?”
“The same.”
“Sorry?”
She shook her head.
“Trouble?”
“Maybe,” she said. How long had it been since she had played a game with family or friends? Since before she left to go to the English world. Melvin wasn’t big on board games. He would rather play one of the fancy English games that required a special box, a controller, and a television set.
“Trouble is fine,” she said.
He stopped, turned to face her. “That didn’t sound fine.”
She made a face. “I’m afraid we’ll be too loud and wake Emmy.”
“Good point.” He studied the shelves for a moment. “We could read.” He held up his Bible.
“You’ll read about Jesus’s birth?” she asked. It was one of the things that she loved and admired about her mamm and dat. He would read the Bible to her almost every night. And at Christmastime the whole family would gather round and Dat would read the story of Jesus from the Book of Luke. She looked forward to it every year. And the way things seemed to be going for her now, this would be the last year she would have that privilege.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Your whole face changed just then.”
She shook her head. “Nothing.” Just one more bad habit she had picked up in the English world. Lying. And the lie slipped easily from her lips. But she didn’t want to lay all her woes at Levi’s feet. He had done enough for her already.
He hesitated for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure whether to press the matter or not, then he sat down next to the lantern and pulled on a pair of reading glasses. To Tillie he looked even more handsome. He looked serious, as if this was worthy. And it was.
She sat back and closed her eyes and listened to his rich, deep voice as he read. He didn’t miss a word, and she wondered if he could recite most of it by heart. She supposed she could if she thought about it long and hard enough. The story was comforting and familiar. Mary and Joseph on their way to Bethlehem. No room in the inn. Giving birth in the barn. Laying Christ Jesus in a manger.
The story wove around her like the threads of a familiar blanket, until the rest of the world fell away. It was just her, the baby, and Levi. This was what she wanted. This peace and harmony. The feeling of well-being. Was that too much to ask from the people around her? Maybe it was. She had broken the rules.
She supposed that Joseph’s Mary had done the same. In her own way, of course. But Mary was forgiven by all because she had given birth to Jesus. Tillie’d just had an ordinary baby. An ordinary miracle.
But she didn’t want to think about rules and such as she listened to Levi. She only wanted this moment. The one she was in right then. How many times had she actually spent time in the time she was in? Not enough. She had lived her life thinking about what was happening next or what had happened before. So much so that she never lived in the time where she was living.
The thought was like a lightning bolt. It jolted her.
“Are you okay?” Levi asked.
She must have jerked or jumped. “Just a chill,” she lied. Yet another lie on her long list.
Levi placed a piece of ribbon in his Bible and stood. In seconds he had the fire roaring once again. The heat felt good, even though cold wasn’t Tillie’s real enemy. It was herself. Just how did one go about living in the current moment? She had no idea. Was it even truly possible?
“You’re very thoughtful tonight,” Levi commented.
“Just listening to the story,” she said. She supposed that was mostly the truth.
He nodded, though she wasn’t sure that he entirely believed her. That was okay. She didn’t entirely believe herself. Though she didn’t want to bring it up with him. She might have known him or who he was her entire life, and he might have delivered her baby, a most intimate act, but they were practically strangers.
Strangers who were stranded together for a short time. And after tomorrow, what would happen?
There she went again. Living in the future. She could neither put off tomorrow nor change the past. She needed to live in the time she had been given, the now, for a change. All too soon the opportunity would be gone. The world would encroach and she would be unable to put her worry for the future aside.
“Read me another story.”
He sat back down in his chair and adjusted his reading glasses. Then he started reading about God telling Jonah to go to Nineveh.
Tillie relaxed into the couch cushions and listened once again. “Interesting choice,” she said when he was finished.
He grinned at her, his face transforming into that of a schoolboy. “It was my favorite growing up.”
She could understand that. A fish big enough to swallow a man. Or was the draw the idea of following God’s instructions? Levi appeared to have followed God in his life. He had joined the church, gotten married. She supposed that made it all the harder to accept the blows of losing a wife and a child. He hadn’t said as much, but she could see it on his face.
“Have you ever thought about leaving the Amish?” She asked the question before she had fully thought it through.
“You mean live with the English?”
She nodded, though now she wished she could take the question back. It was really none of her business.
“No,” he said finally.
“Never?” She sat up a little straighter, as if that would help her understand better. “You
