“That’s not who I am,” he said simply.
The words were so straightforward they took her breath away. And she envied Levi. She had never known who she was enough to make such a quick decision. Or in his case never to be faced with doubts of the life he was living.
But truth be known . . .
“I would have never left if it hadn’t been for Melvin,” she said. The words fell quietly between them, accented by the crackle of the fire and the sound of the ice-coated trees creaking in the wind.
“And what do you do now?” he asked. “You don’t have to answer that.”
She smiled and shook her head. “I’m not sure.” But she was. She would have to return to the English world. And she would have to return to Melvin. What choice did she have, really? She couldn’t make it on her own in the world, and without Melvin as her husband, she wouldn’t be allowed to stay with her Amish family. “Except . . .” She nodded toward Emmy, who had started to fuss.
“Hungry again?” he asked.
“Looks that way.” Tillie stood and scooped her daughter gently into her arms. “I guess I really should be heading for bed.”
He looked to the clock on the mantel. “It’s past my bedtime too.” He stood and stretched. “I’ll see you in the morning.” The sentence almost sounded like a question, as if he half expected her to take off sometime during the night.
That wasn’t happening. She might have only one more day of putting the world on hold, but she planned to keep it at bay for as long as she could. All too soon she would have to face the reality of the situation she found herself in. But for now she was cocooned in a bright world with a caring man and her newborn. It was cowardly of her, but she planned to enjoy it for as long as she could.
Soon enough the world would come calling.
“See you in the morning.”
Chapter Seventeen
Tillie watched the melting ice drip from the rooftop to the soggy ground. The sun was out in full force, though she could tell from the frost on the window that it was still very cold outside. But the ice was no match for the sun, and soon the outside world would be at their doorstep.
Except it wasn’t her doorstep. It belonged to Levi. And she couldn’t pretend otherwise for much longer.
Thank you, Lord, for giving me this time, she prayed. She had needed a bit to clear her head. Not that she had succeeded. She still had nagging doubts and troubling problems, but at least she’d had a bit of respite.
But soon, she thought as the water continued to drip. Soon. Her family. The bishop. Decisions.
“It’s hard to believe it’s almost Christmas,” she said as Levi came into the room. Emmy was sleeping in her little chair, as content as ever. Tillie was so blessed to have such a sweet-tempered baby.
Today was Sunday, and Christmas Day was only a week away. Yet that seemed impossible.
Levi nodded. “I remember when I was little. It seemed forever until Christmas. Now they seem to go by quicker and quicker.”
Clouds filled his eyes, and Tillie hated the reaction. “I shouldn’t have brought it up,” she said apologetically.
He shook his head. “It’s not something I can avoid.”
“You want a cup of coffee?” She was on her feet in a second.
“You don’t have to get me coffee to make up for mentioning Christmas.”
She sat back down. “I just know that it must be very painful for you.”
He took his usual place by the fire. For a moment she thought he might not answer, then, with his hands clasped between his knees, he gave a small nod. “It is. It was. But . . .” He didn’t finish.
But what? she wanted to ask but held her tongue. On that matter at least. “It’s so strange being back.” With the ice storm and the baby, it hadn’t seemed quite like Christmas as usual. When she had come back, that had been heavy on her mind, returning to her Amish home. But it just went to show that things could never go back, no matter how badly a person wanted it.
“Mims usually makes a gingerbread house, but I don’t think she did this year.”
Tillie thought about it for a second. “By herself?” Building a gingerbread house was something she had enjoyed doing with Jim’s kids. It was something of a family tradition for them. But as far as she knew there were no small children in Levi’s family.
He chuckled. “By herself. I suppose she should have gotten a Christmas job at the bakery. She could’ve decorated cakes and such. But she just does the whole house each year, with gumdrops and everything.”
Tillie smiled. “I love gingerbread houses. Except sometimes it seems like such a waste. I mean, it sits there for days and gets a bit stale.”
Levi looked at her in disbelief, but only after he spoke did she realize he was being silly. “Don’t you have an aunt to eat the gingerbread house?”
“An aunt? Like a person? Not little bugs, right?”
“So I guess you don’t have that sort of aunt,” he said with a nod.
Tillie laughed. “I have one, she just doesn’t eat the gingerbread house. But she brings food for everyone, and who knows how long it’s been sitting there.” She gave a pained smile. “One year she gave me a gelatin mold.”
“Gift wrapped?”
“Jah,” Tillie said. “Thankfully it was really cold that year and the gelatin had been set away from the fire, otherwise, I think it might’ve melted all over Mamm’s floor.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” Levi said.
“You’re right. It is the thought that counts.” She shot him a smile to show that she had completely forgiven her aunt for the crazy gift. “She died a couple of years ago.” Her voice turned wistful. What she wouldn’t
