But first... “Can I hold her?” he asked.
Tillie looked at him in shock. “You want to hold her?”
He nodded. “Is that surprising?”
She looked down at Emmy and shook her head. “It’s just . . .”
Men didn’t normally go around asking to hold babies that weren’t theirs. But he didn’t say it. And she didn’t finish.
“You don’t trust me after the candy incident,” he said.
She shook her head. “That has nothing to do with it.”
He sighed. “Libby completely overreacted.”
She smiled at him and all his doubts fell away. Then she gently eased the baby toward him so that her neck was cradled in the crook of his arm. Emmy rustled a little bit, stretched some, then settled back down, sleeping peacefully, her mouth moving like she was sucking on something that wasn’t there. And she was perfect. He just couldn’t believe how beautiful and perfect she was.
“She’s a good baby,” he said. He had nothing to do with it. He wasn’t her father. He’d just stood by while Tillie labored, but he felt a kinship to her all the same.
“Thank you for the diapers,” she said. “And the bunny. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know. But I wanted to.” He could’ve added the tiny bunny to the memorial he had set up for Mary and the baby, but somehow he felt this was a better purpose for it.
“What does Melvin think of her?” Levi asked.
Tillie’s expression turned sheepish. “I haven’t exactly told him yet.”
“You haven’t?” It was beyond surprising.
“I know. I know. But . . .” She shook her head. “Things had changed between us before I left,” she admitted.
He jerked his gaze to her in surprise. And she shook her head again. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. But I think I wanted him to come after me, not just the baby.”
It was understandable, he supposed. But instead of commenting, he nodded. “So he’s not going to come back,” Levi asked.
She shook her head. “Doubtful.” She fiddled with something in her lap, a string on her apron or some invisible something on the fabric. “He’s not going to come back, and I’m not going to be able to stay.”
Levi had figured that one out for himself. How had such a sweet girl gotten herself into such a mess? “What will you do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe stay with Leah. I think the bishop will find fault with that, but I don’t want to go back to Columbus.”
“Will you try to get a job at a day care center like you had before?”
“You remember that?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t know. I’ll have to find a job doing something. But with me being a . . . single mother, it might be kind of hard. I know firsthand; childcare is expensive.”
Levi had no idea about such matters. “It’s really none of my business.”
“I just wanted you to know.” She shrugged. “I know people have been saying all kinds of things about me. I guess some of it’s true. Some of it might not be. I don’t know. But I wanted you to know from me what’s happening.”
“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” Levi said.
“Thank you.”
He lightly traced the curve of Emmy’s nose with one finger, then stopped when he realized how calloused his finger was and how rough it must feel against the soft baby skin. But she was just so beautiful. He wanted to touch her. Maybe to make sure she was real.
“Melvin,” he said. “Do you love him?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You don’t have to answer that.” He had no right to ask. He had no cause to ask. But somehow it was very important that he know.
“I did,” she said quietly.
“There you are.” Leah breezed into the living room, where they had managed to sit in peace for a while. But with a house full of people it was only a matter of time before someone interrupted them. “Okay, my turn,” she said and reached out for Levi to hand her Emmy.
He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t done holding the sweet baby just yet, but a part of him knew he needed to surrender her. He almost felt as if he was getting too attached. And it would do no good to get attached to a baby who was going to be leaving soon and returning to a world he wasn’t a part of. Or to her mother, for that matter. It hadn’t taken long, but it seemed as if Tillie Gingerich had become quite important to him.
Leah cuddled the baby and kissed her head, then marched back the way she came, calling, “I found her,” as she went.
Levi turned back to Tillie. She seemed like she had been about to say more before Leah interrupted them, and he wanted to ask what that might be. But he had pried enough for one day.
“The truth is,” Tillie said, “I don’t know anymore. If I love him.”
Levi swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure why those words made his mouth go dry, made him wonder about a lot of things all at once.
“Why is it so complicated?” Tillie asked.
“I don’t know,” Levi answered honestly. “I really do not know.”
* * *
“I think I’ve outstayed my welcome,” Levi said. He stood and stretched his legs as Tillie watched, unable to protest if he left now.
What call did she have to claim any of his time? None. None at all. She stood as well and smoothed her hands down over her apron. “Danki for helping us with the Christmas candy.”
He patted his stomach. “I’m sure it cost me a good two or three pounds, but it was worth it in the end.”
She smiled, happy when he returned the gesture. “Isn’t that the way of candy?” She turned and headed to the kitchen. “Wait one second. Don’t go just yet.”
“I
