Tillie hustled into the kitchen, grabbed the box of the candy they had made, and ran back to where Levi waited.
“You worked so hard on these; I think you should take some with you.” She held the box toward him.
He seemed hesitant, but finally accepted her offering. “Between you and Mims, I’m going to be fat as a pig by the time the new year comes around.”
She laughed. “I doubt that very much. Enjoy the candy.”
He nodded and headed toward the door. He grabbed his coat and his hat, donned them, and turned back to Tillie. “I know I will.”
Tillie stood at the window in the dining room and watched as Levi said farewells to the men outside and pulled himself up into his buggy. Moments later, he was gone.
“He seems like a nice man,” Hannah said.
Tillie whirled around to face her sister. “I—oh, jah,” she finally managed. “He’s a very nice man.”
“And he adores the baby.”
Tillie shrugged. “I suppose.”
“Ain’t no ‘suppose’ about it,” Leah said, coming into the room. “That man is crazy about little Emmy.”
“Speaking of . . . where is she?”
“Mammi has her. She said she would ring the bell if she got hungry. Emmy, not Mammi,” Leah explained. “Though Mammi rings the bell when she’s hungry too.”
“We got it,” Hannah said.
Leah stuck her tongue out at Hannah, then turned her attention to Tillie. “So, anything interesting happen while you were at Levi’s?”
“I had a baby,” she replied.
“You know what I mean. That man seems smitten.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It never is,” Hannah returned.
“His wife hasn’t even been gone three months now. I don’t think he has given the first thought to romance.”
“That’s when it always gets you,” Leah countered.
“I’m not staying,” Tillie finally said.
Both her sisters gasped. “Not even through Christmas?” Hannah asked.
“Jah, but no longer. The bishop . . .” She didn’t have to explain what the bishop had said. Her sisters knew the rules as well as she. Tillie couldn’t remain in the community if she wasn’t married to her baby’s father. It was as simple and as complicated as that.
“Have you told Mamm?” Hannah asked.
“She knows,” Tillie replied. “She was here with me when Amos Raber came by.” But like the rest of them, her mamm would rather pretend that the end wasn’t coming and enjoy the now. Just as Tillie had been trying to do when she was at Levi’s house. But it was a lot harder than it sounded. How was a body supposed to experience the now with the future looming ahead?
She guessed if it was a good future it might be easier, but with what waited for her . . .
“I wanted to ask you,” Tillie started, turning to Leah. “Do you think maybe I could stay with you for a little while? Just until I get back on my feet?”
Leah frowned. “I’ll have to talk to Jamie about it, but I don’t see why not.”
“What about Melvin?” Hannah asked.
The question of the hour, as they said. “He didn’t come after me all this time. I don’t see why he would want me back merely because I’ve been excommunicated.”
“And what about telling him about Emmy?” Leah asked. “You told him all that yet?”
“You know I haven’t,” Tillie replied.
“Just making my point.” Leah dipped her chin as if it were the only answer they needed.
“Which is?” Hannah asked.
“She’s withholding information from him and not giving him a chance to prove himself.”
“I’m not?” Tillie asked.
“Prove himself?” Hannah asked.
“Right,” Leah stated. “As I see it, he would be here in a heartbeat if he knew you’d had the baby.”
Which was the exact reason why Tillie hadn’t told him yet. She had been holding out the hope that he would come for her. That maybe he missed her and would travel all that way to be beside her, come what may. If she told him about Emmy and he came now, Tillie would always believe that he only came because she’d had the baby.
“As he should,” Hannah said.
“But Tillie’s not telling him and then holding it against him when he doesn’t show up.”
She shook her head. “That’s not exactly the truth.”
“It’s close enough,” Leah said. “You aren’t giving the poor man a chance.”
* * *
The words echoed around inside Tillie’s head as she lay in bed and stared into the darkness. Had she kept Melvin’s chances from him? Was Leah right that Tillie wasn’t playing fair with him? He needed the chance to come see her, see the baby, tell them that he missed them. That was all she really wanted, wasn’t it?
Honestly, she wasn’t sure what she wanted any longer.
She rolled over and punched her pillow, trying to get it into a more comfortable shape.
It was Wednesday. Christmas was only four days away. Four days and she would have to leave the community. Four days and she would either move in with Leah and her family or she would be forced to go back to the apartment she had shared with Melvin.
Forced. Was that really how she felt about it?
It was one thing to want to stay, to need to be close to her family, but it was quite another to literally dread leaving. And she did. Even if she didn’t return to Columbus, she dreaded the leaving. She didn’t want to say goodbye, she didn’t want to leave it all behind. She had made the mistake of leaving to begin with. Leaving again would just compound it. But what else could she do?
You could try to talk Melvin into staying.
He might. Maybe for her. After all, she had left for him. Perhaps he had grown bored with all the English freedoms. She had learned the hard way that some freedoms weren’t all they were cracked up to be. Maybe Melvin was ready to recommit to her and the baby and possibly even join the church. And there was only one way to find out. She had to call him. Tomorrow. She needed to tell him as soon as possible that they had
