“If I can’t get in touch with Melvin,” Tillie started, “can I stay with you for a little while? You and Jamie. I know it’s asking a lot,” she said. “But if I can’t talk to him, then I don’t have a place to go back to. You know I’m going to have to leave soon.”
“But—” Leah started, but Tillie shook her head.
“We both know I’m not going to be allowed to stay. Not unless Melvin comes back and decides that he wants to be Amish once more. And you and I both know that’s not going to happen.”
Leah sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”
“But I probably shouldn’t stay with you. It might bring a lot of trouble to you.” Tillie shook her head in despair. “Maybe a friend?”
Leah reached over across the console of the car and patted Tillie’s leg. “We’ll figure out something.” Then she gasped. “The apartment above the store. Brandon is going to move into it soon, but you could stay in it for now.”
“But my job is in Columbus.” At least she hoped it was.
When had everything turned so blessed complicated? It seemed as if every life choice and decision was weighing heavy on her heart. When would it ease up?
“So that’s not our answer.” Leah put both hands back on the wheel and turned her full attention to the road. “We will find an answer. There is an answer, and God will give it to us. We just have to pray.”
Tillie wished she had Leah’s positivity. She had been praying for a long time now, and it just seemed as if God wasn’t answering. She wondered if she’d made such a mess of things that He was leaving her to her own devices.
You know better than that.
And she did.
“Uh-oh,” Leah said.
“What?” Tillie asked.
“I think that was the bishop,” she said as she turned her car down the drive.
“Amos?”
“Is there any other bishop?” Leah asked.
“No.” She supposed there wasn’t. And they both knew that if the bishop had been to their house visiting the night before Christmas Eve, it was something important. And she could guess what it was. It was all about her and the shame she had brought her family.
Leah pulled her car to a stop in front of the house. “I’ve got to go in and get Peter, but if you want, I can stay.”
Tillie shook her head. “Jamie’s expecting you back,” she said. “Sorry he wasn’t feeling well tonight.”
“He just has a case of the shunning blues.”
Tillie hadn’t thought about it that way. Jamie was shunned by the church, excommunicated. But she knew that most of the district overlooked it, considering he did it for a little boy—left the church, that was. His only sin was caring for someone else. And most could overlook a lot for that very reason. But when they looked at her, they didn’t see love but transgression. Though love was in there somewhere. Even if it was gone now.
Was it gone? “He could have sat with me on the couch.”
Leah palmed her keys and got out of the car. “Next to Levi, or on the other side?”
“Cute.”
“I think he likes you.” Leah smiled and headed up the porch steps and into the house, leaving Tillie to trail behind. Levi might like her. She liked him. Maybe even more, or it could be, given half the chance. But there wasn’t even a quarter of a chance, a sliver of a chance that they could have. Like it or not, it didn’t matter.
Peter was coloring at the dining room table when they came in. Leah stopped to admire his picture, and Tillie headed into the kitchen where she figured her mamm would be. She passed her dat on the way in. He frowned at her, grunted, but didn’t say a word. It was a sure sign that he was angry. He had barely spoken to her since she’d been back. His own brand of shunning. It hurt. It broke her heart. But she understood it. Her dad was old-school. And that’s just the way it was. The church and God came first. Even the love for a child was after that.
Mamm sat at the table, wiping tears on the end of her apron. She dropped it quickly when she saw Tillie. She sniffed and tried to act like everything was just fine.
Tillie’s heart broke all over again. The mistakes she had made were so great and the baby she had was so beautiful. She couldn’t understand why it all still seemed to be such a mess. “I’m so sorry, Mamm.”
“I love the church,” Mamm said with another sniff. She gave Tillie a reassuring smile that didn’t quite hit the mark. “And I love you. More than you will ever know.”
“How long?”
“Tuesday.”
Tillie felt as if the giant hand squeezed her heart and stole her breath. Tuesday. Could she figure it all out by Tuesday? Probably not. Maybe Wednesday, but that was still pushing it. Tomorrow was Saturday and Christmas Eve, Monday second Christmas and a holiday for all the Amish. She might be able to make it into town to Leah’s store and call the day care center, then that didn’t give her much time to get things together for Tuesday.
“You think I can have till Wednesday?”
“I’m sure Amos will understand.”
Tillie certainly hoped so. It was only a day. One day to
