“But Grampy seems to know one? There has to be something.” I flipped through the pages of the journal.
“You can look all you want, but I’ve been through that thing more times than you can count. If anything, it would have to do with the missing pages.”
I flipped until I made it to the page titled “Coming to Canada.” I turned to the next page but there was nothing there; the pages had been torn out.
“They were torn out a long, long time ago,” Clay said. “It’s a gap in your grandfather’s story.”
“You mean torn out before I created you?”
“Yes.” He took the journal back into his hands. “I’ve searched. I’ve gone to places I shouldn’t have, and I still couldn’t put the pieces together.”
I knew Grampy was secretive about his past, but if that somehow led to what Nan was talking about, I wanted to learn more. I had to unravel it. I just had to unravel something. Maybe this was my great journey. And I was happy to have a friend like Clay to guide me along the path.
Chapter 12
“You checked his study?” I asked. We were still on the ice in the darkness.
“Yup.”
“The basement?”
“Yes.”
“Garage? Attic? Bedroom?”
“Anna, I’ve checked all those places.”
“What did Nan mean by ‘Annaka is not our granddaughter’?” I paraphrased. “Take me back,” I walked away from the ice.
Clay let out a breath and followed. The world around us turned into reality again. I walked into the house but Mom and Nan were nowhere to be found—must have gone to sleep.
I went straight to Grampy’s study. I expected to see his desk, his shelves full of books, I expected to see everything that reminded me of him. But I didn’t see any of that. His desk was gone, replaced by a canvas facing the back wall. All his books from his shelves were missing, sculptures big and small in their place. The sculptures that had filled the living room back in our apartment in Halifax.
Mom had moved everything.
“She must have come in here when you were gone today,” Clay observed.
“I should have figured as much.” I clenched my fist. I wanted to break it all. All her sculptures, that stupid canvas. The study had been the last place that had any sign of Grampy left, and at that moment, the world proved to me that he really was gone. I fell to my knees and felt a sudden sadness I couldn’t break free from. All of his stuff was gone.
Clay knelt down beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t give up yet. His stuff has to be around somewhere. She wouldn’t just throw it away. Maybe it just hurt for her to see it all in here.”
Maybe it did hurt for Mom to see all of those things, but I didn’t even get a say in what happened. She didn’t tell me she was moving any of his things. She just packed everything up and put it God knows where. Did she throw it out? Did she donate it? I couldn’t always be left in the dark just because some topics were difficult to talk about. I deserved to know.
“Goddammit!” I stormed out of the room and Clay followed. “Who was Annaka? Where is my dad?” I headed for the front porch and put my head down on the journal, feeling defeated.
“I’m sorry that happened, Anna.” Clay sat down beside me. “We don’t realize how much the little things impact us after losing someone, but we also need to stay focused on what’s important here.”
“This is important. Finding my dad is important. Finding out about my grandfather is important. And if the world wants to create more mysteries, I’ll see them through.” I know I was being stubborn, but sometimes I had to be.
I thought coming back home would give me some answers, but it only created more questions. I let out a breath. I looked up to the moon and saw it was almost full. I closed my eyes and took in deep breaths. I walked towards the ladder under the tree house and climbed up. Clay followed. I lay back, hoping the stars would help me feel grounded.
“I always hated my name, y’know? I never liked being called Annaka.”
“Why?” Clay asked, lying down beside me.
“Kids used to make fun of me because it was different,” I told him. “All through elementary here, they told me my name was stupid, or it was dumb because it was different. It wasn’t like other names.”
“How come you never told me?”
“I guess…that’s why I made you. That day under the desk. I stayed inside at recess because kids were making fun of my name. I was embarrassed, I guess. All my life I just wanted to fit in, but I always felt different. Everyone always seemed to think it was weird that I spent more time writing in my journal than I did playing on playgrounds. Not many people understood. Well, Tia did, but besides her, the rest of the students in school made my life hell,” I let out. “It was that dumb idiot Bobby Noah who started it all. Did I tell you he invited me to his party coming up?” I rolled my eyes. “Grampy always loved my name and I never knew why. I kept it for him, despite the bullying. But when I got to Halifax, I wanted to fit in. I just wanted to be Anna. Why are people so awful?” I looked over to Clay.
“I wish I knew.” Clay put a hand on my shoulder. “I really do.”
“I wish I wasn’t so different.”
“I don’t,” he whispered. “I like you for who you are.”
I smiled. “I’m glad someone does.”
“I’m not the only one.”
“Do you think that Annaka was a real person? Grampy must have wrote about her, right?”
“Maybe.” Clay stood up. “Maybe she’s in the pages he
