I didn’t know if finding my dad would help, but something inside me wanted to see him, hear him, speak to him. I wanted to ask why he did what he did, and I wanted an answer. I wanted an answer to everything.
I took one last look out at the water and climbed back in my truck. I went to a greasy diner called Joe’s and ordered two cheeseburgers.
The man at the counter said, “We don’t usually get anyone buying cheeseburgers this early—mostly breakfast wraps. What’s the occasion?”
“Sometimes your friends are hungover, and you gotta look out for them,” I replied, grabbing the brown paper bag.
The man laughed. “That’s real friendship.”
I grinned. “I lead by example.”
I left and got back in the truck. I had a feeling Tia would be working the early morning shift. When I opened the door of the corner store I could see her sitting on a stool with her head down on the counter.
She grunted until she sat up and saw me.
“Anna…hi!” she said.
“With medicine.” I handed her a cheeseburger, and kept the other one for myself.
“You’re a goddess.” Tia smiled. She still had last night’s mascara smudged under her eyes. She jumped into the burger.
“I know. How are you feeling?”
“Like someone who embodies bad decisions.”
“You didn’t drink too much, though, did you?”
“When we got home we finished my parents’ wine, and we continued to dance all night with Taz.”
I laughed uncontrollably at the image of the girls hopping around, holding paws with Taz.
“Laugh all you want, but he’s the only man that’s not trash.” She spoke with half a burger in her mouth.
“I believe you, I really do.” I giggled.
“What did you do after the party?” Tia asked.
“Things I shouldn’t have.”
“I knew you had other plans.” Tia sat back on the stool, her back touching the wall. “So what’s up?”
“My mom told me about my dad last night.”
Tia bolted upright. “What did she say?”
“He wasn’t a great man,” I explained. “He tried robbing my grandparents, got in a fight with my grampy, went to prison. Mom moved to Halifax when he got out. She didn’t want me to come back here and see him.”
“Was she in danger?”
“He pushed her to the ground once.” I sighed. “Sounds like he was the type of guy who would just use me as a way to leech off of Mom. And Mom wanted better for me, and herself. So she went to Halifax.”
“I see.” Tia took another bite of the burger and chewed thoughtfully. “How are you feeling about it?”
“I don’t know. A part of me is still curious. People can change, right? A part of me wants to know if he is still the same person. I want to see if he has my laugh, my smile, I don’t know, maybe it’s selfish but I just…I just have to see.”
“I can understand that.” Tia took a breath. “I think that makes a lot of sense actually. Did you talk to your ghost friend…?”
I shrugged, and shook my head. “He doesn’t think I should.”
“Why not?”
“He thinks I’m chasing hurt.”
Tia polished off her cheeseburger and said, “There’s more to it than that. I mean sure, it sounds like he’s a man full of faults, but if you think meeting him can bring any type of fulfillment then I think you should.” She shrugged and balled up the burger wrapper. “It’s important to be honest with yourself, even if it is hurtful. What are you thinking?”
“I’m still thinking.” I shrugged and took a bite of my burger. “He’s here, and that’s all I know.”
I had no clue where he would be. I also didn’t know what I would say to Mom. If I decided to search for him, maybe she didn’t need to know. It would only hurt her. Just like he did.
“What are you doing tonight?” Tia asked.
“Nothing planned. Not yet, anyways.”
“Well my parents are gonna be out for a bit. The house is ours if you want. We can vent and just shoot the shit.”
“Thanks, I’ll let you know,” I said, polishing off my burger. “I’m gonna head back home. Text me if you need anything.”
When I got back into the truck I saw the box of Father’s Day cards I had taken from Grampy’s classroom. Grampy was the father figure who always had my back, and who looked out for me. Not Blake. I had trouble even referring to Blake as “Dad.” He never had been a dad to me, and if I were being honest, he probably never would be. He spent most of my life being a ghost story.
By the time I got back to the house, I could smell bacon and spied Mom flipping a bunch in the frying pan.
“There she is!” my grandmother said as I walked through the door, “my granddaughter.” It made me chuckle. At least now she was holding on to a part of me.
“Hey, Nan.” I pulled up a seat at the table.
Mom smiled from the stove. “You hungry, babes?”
“Nah, I had a burger with Tia this morning.”
“Burgers for breakfast?” Mom laughed.
“Someone needs to bring their best friend hangover food.”
“Oh. It was one of those parties. Wait, you didn’t—”
“I was driving, Mom. Of course I didn’t drink.”
Mom nodded and turned back to the bacon. “Good.”
I spent the rest of the morning sitting with them. Laughing with them. Telling stories with them. I didn’t really feel afraid anymore when I spent time with Nan. We were creating something new.
After that I spent the rest of the day thinking about Blake and reflecting on what Mom told me. I opened up the journal and began drawing a portrait. I drew the mannequin I had seen in Wade’s Clothing. I didn’t even need to say anything for Clay to know I wanted to go
