As those thoughts lingered my mind, the front door opened upstairs.
“The ‘rents must be home.” Tia closed the phone book.
Then I had an idea. “Do you think your parents know about him?”
“That’s…a good question.” Tia put the book down. “But if you ask, they’d probably tell your Mom.”
She was right. Jonathan and Clare were always so by the books. Let’s be honest: Tia’s parents were narcs. I always found it bizarre they had a kid like Tia. She broke rules as if it was her life’s mission.
“You might wanna ask my dad. Mom’s probably heading to bed, you know how she is.” Tia pointed to the stairs. “But try to be subtle. You don’t want him telling your mom.”
“All right,” I said, making my way to the stairs. How hard could it be?
I could hear what I assumed to be a football game playing from the living room. Jonathan’s feet were up on the coffee table. Nan would have used the spray bottle on any of us if we dared try that.
“Oh, come on! Three more yards!” He sighed.
“Hey, hey Jonathan?” I said as I entered the room.
“Anna! Hi, come have a seat.” He smiled. “I didn’t see you come in.”
“Oh, I came in through the back door.” I sat down. “You were out.”
“Figures. Tia had guests over last night.” He looked at me and rolled his eyes. “God, they were making a lot of noise. You’re lucky you weren’t here.”
“No, but I was the one who dropped them off.” I laughed. “I remember those girls from Tia’s birthday party years ago.”
“I do too. They’re good kids, but they never focused on anything. Never had any hobbies. Growing up, I always had sports—football, hockey, baseball. You, you always had your journal. I remember you always carrying that thing around.” Johnathan smiled.
Jonathan always used to say that he couldn’t wait until I grew up to be an author, and to read a book by Annaka Brooks. But writing fiction wasn’t exactly my thing. I only wrote from the heart, for the heart.
“I still have that journal, actually,” I said.
“Hold on to it as long as you can,” he said. “One day when you look back, you’ll see all the magic you wrote it in.”
If only he knew how far back I’d been looking.
“But between you and me,” he whispered, leaning in. “You should stick with school too.” Then he sat back and said, “I know, I know, I’m just an old guy. But I know you, Anna. You have so much drive when you put your mind to it. School isn’t perfect, but you’re so close. Finish strong, please.” Of course Jonathan went there.
“I’ll try to do better,” I said with a sigh. “I’m trying.”
“That’s the first step!” Jonathan raised a finger in the air, as if this was some eureka moment. “And once that’s accomplished—”
“Can I ask you something?” I cut him off.
“Oh. Yes, of course. You can ask me anything.”
I didn’t know what he would say or how he would react. It’s not like I had ever had the opportunity to ask anyone this question before. There was so much that could go wrong in theory…but it could also lead me to exactly what I was seeking. And I was the seeker, after all.
There was no subtle way around this. I decided to face it head on. “Listen, my mom told me about my dad the other night, for the first time. Like, ever.”
“Oh.” Jonathan froze. “Did she…tell you what he did?”
“Yes. And he’s awful for doing that. He is so, so awful.”
“I know.” Jonathan turned off the TV and gave me his full attention. “I never liked him,” he admitted. “And I was so angry when I found out what he did to your grandparents—especially what he did to your grandfather.”
I nodded in agreement. “He’s still around, isn’t he?”
Jonathan looked at me closely. “Are you trying to find him?”
I paused. I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was hesitant, but I had to decide. No more teetering. “Yeah,” I said eventually. “Yeah, I’m trying to find him.”
“Anna, he’s not the type of person you seek out. He’s the type of person you leave in the past.”
“But he was never in my past,” I cut in. “He was only ever in other people’s past. I never got that chance.”
“Your mother left him behind,” Jonathan said. “And for a good reason: so he wouldn’t cause you hurt. I knew him; he wasn’t a good man. He only ever wanted to hurt other people. He wasn’t—”
“What would you do in my shoes?” I interrupted. “You have to understand. What if you never had your parents? I’m not asking for a relationship. I’m just asking for a little bit of clarity. To make sense of all of this.”
His facial expression changed; I could see the empathy making its way into him.
“God. That must have been so hard on you.” He shook his head.
“It was. I grew up looking at you and Tia, and wished I could have had something like that. But I never did. I just know if he’s here, I need to talk to him. I don’t want a father–daughter relationship. Not with him. Not with Blake.”
“Blake….” Jonathan looked up at me. “Last I heard, he hangs out regularly at a bar just outside of town. I seen him there while I was at a staff get-together a little while ago. I haven’t been back since.”
“What’s the name of the bar?”
“The North Crow. But it’s not like you could get in—nor should you even try!”
He didn’t know how resourceful I could be. “Thank you, Jonathan.” I gave him a hug. “This means the world to me.”
“I can’t stop you from whatever you’re doing. But please be careful.” He looked at me. “If you got hurt, your grandfather would jump out of his grave to find me.”
I grinned. “I’m sure he would. You have nothing to
