She knew enough from her relationships with Jacob and Adam thatteenage boys didn’t say things like that just to say them. Not that she’ddescended to hopelessness, but his words fortified her. “The feeling ismutual.”
“Good.” He nodded this time, as though confirming something he’dhoped was true.
“I am going to take off, though. I think there’s been enough excitementfor one day.”
He nodded again, but his face was sad. “Yeah.”
“Good luck next week with orientation and classes starting andeverything. You’re going to do great.”
“You say that like I’m not going to see you.”
She had absolutely no idea what was going to happen with Amanda,but she offered him an encouraging smile. “Of course you will. But probably notbefore you move in.”
He sighed. “Right. Yeah.”
She was in love with Amanda, but she was also kind of in lovewith her kids. Well, one of them at least. “Once you’re settled, I’ll come takeyou to lunch.”
That seemed to cheer him up. “Yeah, okay. Cool.”
“I’m sure your parents have everything covered, but if you needsomething, text me. Okay?”
“I will.” He nodded with more enthusiasm.
“Good.”
She started to leave, but he put a hand on her arm. “I don’t knowhow much of that you heard, but my sister is out of her mind. Our moms shouldnot get back together. Like, at all.”
She laughed in spite of the hollowness in her chest. “Thanks.”
He offered her a half smile, like they were in on some sort ofsecret together. “Anytime.”
She did leave then, feeling perhaps a shred less hopeless than afew minutes before. On the drive home, she tried to shut off the questions andfears. She failed spectacularly.
Chapter Twenty-nine
The knock on Quinn’s door startled her. Moping, it seemed,could be quite engrossing. She got up, half hoping it was the Chinese food shewished she’d ordered an hour ago. When she opened the door and found Amanda,looking hesitant and exhausted, on the other side, her heart nearly stopped.“Hi.”
“Hi.”
Breathe. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I was worried that if I texted, you might not answer.” Amandasighed. “Or tell me not to come.”
If she only knew. “I would have answered.”
“Oh. Well. I’m sorry for showing up unannounced then.”
She shook her head. “Don’t ever apologize for showing up.”
A faint glimmer of hope came into Amanda’s eyes. “Does that meanI can come in?”
She opened the door wide. “Always.”
She came in and Quinn closed the door behind her. She hesitatedfor a moment, then set down her purse. “I hope you know I ended it a while ago.Before you and I ever slept together. Even before our first date.”
Quinn nodded, but she couldn’t quite muster a reassuring smile.“I know.”
“I don’t want to be with her. I’m not even remotely tempted.”
“I believe you.”
Amanda’s eyes narrowed. “Your words say that, but your eyesdon’t.”
How could she explain without laying each and every one of herinsecurities at Amanda’s feet? “I do believe you. Everything I overheardreinforces that.”
“But something’s wrong. I can tell. Is it that I slept with herin the first place? Does that seem like a bigger deal now?”
“No.” She wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but it wasn’t like shewould hold something against Amanda that happened before they got together. No,this was about the role Mel played—would always play—in Amanda’s life. Shedidn’t know if she could be in a relationship where she was alwaysovershadowed. “I…”
“Yes?”
“We should sit down. Can I get you a glass of wine? Somethingstronger than wine?”
That broke the tension slightly and Amanda chuckled. “Wine wouldbe great.”
Quinn escaped to the kitchen. She poured two glasses, but beforegoing back to the living room, she braced both hands on the counter. Justbreathe.
She found Amanda on the sofa, feet tucked under her. She acceptedthe glass of wine Quinn offered, but set it on the coffee table. She sat upstraight and squared her shoulders. Quinn imagined it was her standard serioustalk posture, honed through years of parenting.
“So,” she said.
Quinn joined her and took a deep breath. “So.”
“I think I need to know what you’re feeling. Are you mad?Disappointed? Wanting more details about what happened?”
She wasn’t expecting Amanda to start with her. She scrambled toorganize her thoughts into words. “Unsure, I guess.”
“Unsure about my feelings for Mel? Or for you?”
“Neither.” Not entirely true. She desperately wanted to know howAmanda felt about her. But something about this moment muddied the waters. Shedidn’t want any declarations tainted by Amanda’s attempt to reassure.
“Oh.” Amanda’s shoulders dropped. “Unsure about what, then?”
She should have thought more about how to articulate this insteadof spinning one wretched scenario after another. “How all the pieces fit,maybe. Whether your life has room in it for me, for us.”
That only seemed to confuse Amanda more. “Do you feel like wedon’t spend enough time together?”
Great. She’d managed to make herself sound needy and clingy. “No,no. It’s not that at all. Please don’t think I’m one of those women who wantsno life outside of a relationship.”
It came out more vehemently than she intended, but Amanda smiled.“I’ve never gotten that impression from you.”
“It’s more—” Ugh. Why was this so hard? “When I was married, itwas pretty clear I was the boring one.”
“What?” Amanda looked genuinely confused, which proved a smallconsolation.
“Lesedi was a star—in her work, in our social circles. Everyoneis drawn to her. I never minded being in her shadow. To be honest, I’m probablymore comfortable out of the spotlight anyway.”
Amanda nodded, but looked no less confused. “I know what youmean. Truly. But I’m struggling to follow what this has to do with us.”
“I was happy to be in the background until my wife fell forsomeone with as much flash as she had.”
“Oh.” The word dragged out as realization dawned.
“I get that your kids come first. I’d never want it to beotherwise, but they mean you’re always going to have this connection to Mel.And if she’s still in love with you…” she trailed off, not wanting to finishthe thought.
Amanda took a deep breath. “She’s not. She just thinks she is.”
Quinn let out a chuckle, but there was no humor in it. “I thinkyou’re
