KELLER:
(amused) Whoa! What happened to you, Chersky? Sometime in the last 24 hours you grew a pair! Too bad you chose today to do it.
SOUND:
A gun being unholstered.
KELLER:
This time, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to use the business end of this thing.
DAVE:
If you shoot, anyone could hear.
KELLER:
What’s the matter—don’t you ever go to the movies? This little mechanism on the barrel is called a silencer.
SOUND:
The gun being cocked.
KELLER:
Nobody’s going to hear a thing.
Besides, it’s not like I’m gonna kill you. I’m just gonna fire off a couple warning shots. . .maybe to your kneecaps, maybe to your elbows—or maybe I’ll mix and match!
DAVE:
Put the gun down! I’m warning you!
NARRATOR:
To Keller’s amazement, Dave suddenly holds up his Dark Enforcer comic book and strikes a pose that mimics the body language of the character in its pages. Then, he reads the incantation.
DAVE:
(melodramatically) Defender of the persecuted, I summon thee! Arise from the underworld!
KELLER:
I think I did kick you too hard in the head.
DAVE:
Why is nothing happening? Maybe I need to say it louder. (shouting) DEFENDER OF THE PERSECUTED, I SUMMON THEE! ARISE FROM THE UNDERWORLD! (pause) Hello? Calling all demons! (pause) Nothing.
KELLER:
Chersky, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but for the record, most people like to go out with a little more dignity.
SOUND:
A low rumbling begins and fades up during the following dialogue.
DAVE:
I should have known it wouldn’t work. What was I thinking?
KELLER:
I thought I explained all that last night. All your comic book fantasies ain’t gonna cut it here in the real world. Now stand still so I can do my job. . .
DAVE:
Wait!. . .What’s that?
NARRATOR:
It appears at first as if a hole has formed in the floor. But the closer he looks at it, Dave realizes it isn’t a
NARRATOR (cont’d):
hole. It is. . .nothing. A void. An inky vacuum that fills Dave with a dread like he’s never felt before.
SOUND:
The rumbling, now deafening, is followed by the sudden sound of flames roaring.
NARRATOR:
Suddenly, flames arise from the void and a hulking figure begins to take shape.
SOUND:
The noise stops. There is only the unmistakable sound of wet, slobbery breathing.
KELLER:
What the. . .?
NARRATOR:
The behemoth that stands before them is monstrous—so huge it blocks out what little light there is in the store. In fact, Dave could swear that the beast seems to somehow suffocate, even consume the light.
DAVE:
I-I-I can’t believe it. I actually summoned The Dark Enforcer!
MUSIC:
Sting.
ANNOUNCER:
We’ll return to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories – after these few words.
ANNOUNCER:
Now back to Fangoria’s Dreadtime Stories and “The Dark Enforcer.”
NARRATOR:
While a slack-jawed Leon Keller looks on—his gun still pointed at Dave—The Dark Enforcer stands in the middle of Dave’s Dungeon of Comics. . .doing nothing.
DAVE:
(unsure what to do) Uh, okay. . .Go my, uh, servant!. . .Defend me!
SOUND:
Only the wet, slobbery breathing.
DAVE:
Why aren’t you moving? Oh wait, there’s some kind of protocol I’m supposed to follow.
SOUND:
Pages turning.
DAVE:
Here it is. (reading) Uh, welcome, demon, to the upper world.
ENFORCER:
(a voice that is almost a growl, so low there is a slight rumbling with every word) I have heeded thy call.
DAVE:
No kidding. I mean, uh. . . (reading again). . .to whom do you pledge your allegiance?
ENFORCER:
Art thou the maltreated, the subjugated, the oppressed. . .the underdog?
DAVE:
I am.
ENFORCER:
Then I pledge my allegiance to thee. . .master.
DAVE:
Sweet!
ENFORCER:
Show me thine enemies and I shall defend thee.
DAVE:
That guy right there.
KELLER:
Screw this! That gorilla is toast!
SOUND:
The “pffft pffft pffft” of the gun being fired with the silencer three times.
NARRATOR:
Keller’s bullets go through the beast. . .but then disappear, as if he had been shooting into a black hole. For the first time since Dave met Keller, he sees a look of fear pass across the gunman’s features as the monstrous hellion knocks the pistol out of his hand.
SOUND:
The Dark Enforcer growling and smacking Keller’s gun from his hand, followed by
SOUND (cont’d):
the gun clattering across the floor.
KELLER:
Hey, my gun!
ENFORCER:
Shall I eliminate your enemy?
DAVE:
Yes. . . (melodramatically) Eliminate him!
KELLER:
Hey now, wait a minute. . .let’s talk this over! Maybe we can work out some kind of payment plan!
DAVE:
That’s not what you said last night.
NARRATOR:
Like an enraged child taking his anger out on a rag doll, the beast grabs Keller by the legs and jerks his feet out from under him, leaving him dangling upside-down.
KELLER:
(panicked) Aaah! Put me down!
DAVE:
Come on, Keller. . .grow a pair! You’re blubbering like a little puss!
KELLER:
Listen, what I did last night. . .you know that was nothing personal, right?
DAVE:
So, beating me almost to death was a business decision?
KELLER:
Yes! It’s part of my job! My boss expects me to do it! I just did it for
KELLER (CONT’D):
show. . .I’m on your side, Chersky! I always was! I gave you the extra day to get the money, didn’t I?
DAVE:
Save it, Keller. You’ve always treated me like I was a spineless worm. You enjoyed beating the crap out of me and you know it.
KELLER:
Listen, if you get King Kong to put me down, I’ll make it up to you! There must be something I can do for you!
DAVE:
There’s only one thing I want you to do. (a beat) Make a wish.
NARRATOR:
At Dave’s command, The Dark Enforcer grabs one of Keller’s legs in each of its massive hands. . .and rips him straight down the middle.
SOUND:
The tearing of flesh and breaking of bones, and Keller’s horrendous scream.
NARRATOR:
As he gazes at what’s left of Keller, Dave feels a surge of exhilaration go through him. Intoxicated by the power he now wields, Dave turns to the unearthly creature that stands beside him.
DAVE:
You know something, my gigantic friend? Keller was right about one thing: I have always been harassed by guys like him, and I have always put up with the bullying. But now the bullying is going to stop.
ENFORCER:
Yes, master.
DAVE:
(impressed) Nice. Funny how that doesn’t sound so cliché when you’re the one being addressed. (a beat) Dispose of his body. . .both halves. I need to clean up the shop. Then you and I have some work to
