“I know I’m testing him, and it’s not fair to him. He doesn’t want this kind of little. He likes peace and harmony. He likes obedience. He deserves a sweet little who doesn’t act up all the time.”
“You can’t make that decision for him, and you have to be yourself. If naughty is your nature, and it’s not something he wants to deal with, then you need to find a different Dom who likes that kind of little. But until you’ve discussed this with Master Kellen, don’t make decisions for him.”
“I want to be good,” I whisper, almost more to myself. “I want him to smile at me and hold me and be pleased with me. I want him to want me.”
“Sounds like you want to stay.”
I draw in a deep breath. “Yeah. I do.” I groan. “I’m totally falling for him, and he can’t possibly return the sentiment. He’s said as much. And besides, I’m too young for him. He wants a woman who knows herself better.”
“Come on. He hasn’t really said those things to you. I’m sure of it. You’re projecting.”
She’s right. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yeah.”
“Talk to him, Sabine. Tell him what you’re feeling.”
“It’s hard for me to put it into words because I don’t really know myself. I feel silly.”
Abby chuckles. “I don’t think I’ve ever known you to be uncertain like this. You’re always so in control of everything.”
“That’s because I have to be. Who else is going to control me? Certainly not my parents.”
“And therein lies the problem. You’ve finally found someone who wants to manage you, and you’re freaked out by it. He’s setting boundaries you’ve never had before. I think you need to ask yourself if you enjoy those rules and restrictions. You didn’t have them growing up. Now, you crave them. You’re testing them. Over and over. Eventually, maybe you will accept them.”
She’s right. I know I like having someone manage things. It takes the weight off me that I’ve been carrying for years. But what if he only wants to play this role for a few more days and be done with me? And what if I never find someone else I’m willing to give that power to?
I’m afraid to speak to Master Kellen because I’m worried about the answers. He has the power to break my heart, and I’m not ready for that.
Chapter 17
Master Kellen
Sabine is quiet after she gets off the phone with Abby. Pensive. I bring her upstairs and leave her to take a bath alone, but while she’s in there, I pace my room. I’m trying to remain calm, but it’s hard. This woman has me wrapped around her finger, and she doesn’t know it.
I shouldn’t have fallen for her like I have. She’s all wrong for me. She’s too new, too young, too bratty. That list is short, but it’s heavy. On the flip side, she makes my dick hard every time I’m near her. She’s sexy and cute and adorable. And I’ve been over this list a dozen times. Why am I doing it again? It changes nothing.
I’m concerned about her silence after her phone call. What if she’s decided she doesn’t want to stay with me anymore? What if she breaks our arrangement now and leaves before Saturday?
I wish I could get into her head and know what she’s thinking. Though I also fear she isn’t certain herself. She waffles. Her behavior changes several times a day.
It’s been ten days. In a way, it seems like it’s been ten years. There are so many things I know about her already, especially because we’ve spent so much time together. I know how she likes her eggs and that she prefers to dip her waffles into her syrup. I know that she’s ticklish behind her knees, but the slightest touch to the underside of her breasts will make her moan. I know that she’s an amazing writer. I read her essay about Wuthering Heights. It stunned me.
It’s all the unanswered questions that make me nervous. I could ask her, but what if she doesn’t know the answers? Or worse, what if she tells me something I don’t want to hear?
The door to her bathroom opens, and a few seconds later, she’s standing in our adjoining doorway. Her hair is damp and hanging in gorgeous auburn ringlets down her back. The pale pink nightie I left her is so thin that I can see her nipples through it.
Already my cock is hard. I need her. I want to grab her around the waist, toss her onto my bed, and ravage her. But I’ve told her I won’t have sex with her this week. Besides, I’ve also only permitted her three orgasms in ten days. That’s how many of the days she went all day without misbehaving.
“You might as well just spank me now for tomorrow and get it over with, Sir,” she says. Her voice is sassy, the sassiest I’ve heard from her yet. And her suggestion is equally shocking.
“Is that what you want?” I ask, trying to read her.
She shrugs. “I can’t seem to please you, so you might as well.”
I draw in a breath. Apparently, we’re having this conversation. I would rather have it when she’s not in such a defiant mood, but here we are. “Come here, Sabine.” I lower myself to sit on the bed and then lift her onto my lap when she reaches me. “Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“About this sassy attitude you have tonight.”
“It’s no different from any other time. It’s just me.”
I shake my head. “It’s not you. It’s you being extremely frustrated with something I can’t fix until you tell me what it is.”
“Maybe I’m just a brat.”
“Nope. That’s not it. It’s more than that.”
She chuckles. “Trust me. I was always a brat.”
“I don’t think so. I think you were a lonely girl who wanted attention, and the only way you knew how to get it was to
