And I’m right!
Over the next few days, Anders needs pot a lot. Not for stress, but to deal with the pain. Unaccustomed to people making a fuss over his suffering, he acts embarrassed when we pamper him. Except he’s our family now. His suffering affects us. I don’t think anyone’s ever felt Anders’s heart. They get distracted by his body or even his handsome face. No one dug deeper. Now, four people care more about him than he could ever care about himself.
After the trip to the Village, we visit the supermarket. Mama, Dove, and I buy too much food—vegetables, fruits, grains, and meats. I’m amazed by the number of choices. Mama has big ideas for future meals. I warn her how Anders is used to eating from restaurants, and we can’t expect him to give up his routines completely. She promises we won’t overwhelm him with changes.
At the Walmart, Anders has us find shoes, both for warm and cold weather. He insists we buy jackets and other clothes. We only get a few things each. I know people in this world like collecting items, but Dandelions don’t believe in excess.
Compromise will prove important as we merge our ways with Anders’s. We can’t twist up his mind with too many changes. However, Anders can’t expect us to give up our beliefs either.
“I want you to be you,” he says that night in an almost-panicked voice. “If you change, your feelings for me might change, too.”
“Then, I won’t change,” I promise as I nuzzle his jaw. “I never want to stop loving you.”
Anders trusts in my words, though not always or completely. Those terrible voices have been telling him ugly lies since before I was born, and he’ll always hear them.
But my voice is stronger in his mind now. Each day, I’ll speak to him, making promises I intend to keep. Mama, Dove, and Future will also fill his head with loving truth. Anders will finally have the family he deserves.
ANDERS
Pixie is usually a wise little flower child, but she is wrong about why people treated me like a monster. My honey always wants to see the best in me. And there’s no denying my mother was nuts to try to murder me, and my grandparents were fucked up people to torment me. And, of course, my father wasn’t the devil. I wasn’t born evil. Those were lies, and I deserved better.
But I can see why the people here in Elko—the Executioners and their honeys—viewed me with suspicion. Their distance didn’t come from blaming me for the death of Wheels. Instead, they remained wary for the same reason most people did in my life.
I’m scary. I use my large body to terrify and hurt people. I’m the bad guy. I wasn’t born that way. My family started me down the path. Then, heroin and the Killing Joes sped along the process.
By the time I arrived in Elko, I barely spoke. My face was always angry. I struggled to show a single sliver of warmth to these people. They treated me as a leashed monster because that’s how I acted.
But Pixie ignores that side of me. I know she sees it, though. I’ve long since stopped thinking of her as innocent or naïve. What she lacks in life experiences doesn’t make her dumb. She chooses to focus on the good in me.
Just like she does with her family. Dove isn’t weak. She owns a soft soul. Fairuza isn’t bossy. She possesses a strong spirit. I’m not a monster. I’m a man with a broken heart filled with sunshine hiding behind clouds.
This belief explains her reaction at the Village when I grab Perry by the head. The asshole tried to walk past Fairuza as if she were invisible. No way would I let that shit slide. I place my large hand on his head and press down. He stops moving immediately under the weight of my strength. Around us, the Volkshalberd shrink in fear. Even my fellow club brothers get edgy. Am I about to pop this man’s head?
“If I get wind,” I whisper in Perry’s ear, “of you saying anything negative about my family, I will tear off your arms. If Future comes looking for you one day and you try to turn him against his family, I’ll tear off your legs. If you try to continue your shitty bloodline, I’ll tear off your dick and balls. In reality, asshole, you’re on borrowed time.”
Once I release Perry, and he rushes away, a pissed Pixie appears next to me. She doesn’t give two shit about her former stepfather’s feelings, of course.
“You need to take care of your body,” she mutters, checking my shoulder despite me not even using that arm. “Mama, make him behave.”
Fairuza offers me a knowing smile before promising her daughter that she will act as my supervisor while I supervise others. Frustrated by my behavior, Pixie frowns hard at me. No doubt, if I squished Perry’s head, she wouldn’t bat an eye. Her only concern is my health.
Pixie is very bothered by adding more scars to my body. When she touches my old ones hidden under tats, she isn’t disgusted. Her heart hurts, and Pixie gets clingy when she’s afraid.
I learn this fact over the next few days. She rarely lets me out of her sight.
Once we’re done at the Village, we pick up Dove and Future to go to the store. I’m tired and a little grouchy, but I want my family to own proper clothes. We also buy the groceries they’ve been begging for since moving into the house.
Before heading home, I swing us by Bambi’s Bar & Grill, so they can see what the restaurant looks like from the inside. We enjoy a
