No, she vowed past the tears. I will not be like this. I will not become this.
I will not be a monster.
Without a word, Bunny ate the dinner Rosa had prepared. Across the table from her, the doctor seemed content to leave it be, though more than once, Bunny caught her looking over with concern. She never said it aloud, and Rosa never asked, but she made it clear it wasn't something she wanted to talk about.
She slept that night in fits, nightmares plaguing her dreams. Over and over, she saw Peyton coming back for them, dead, screaming, hungry for their flesh. She pushed it down, time and again, but he lingered there, accusing her, as if he had a right.
By dawn, the morning of the third day since the world had ended, Bunny was forced to accept that she had changed. She was determined to keep her vow, to not become a monster, but she could no longer hide from the fact that she was different than she’d been three days ago.
Perhaps, she thought, as she dressed, looking at herself in the mirror, it wasn't such a bad thing. After all, to survive in the new world, much less to help others survive one had to change at least a little.
Didn't they?
She joined Rosa for breakfast, accepted the cup of coffee the woman handed her, and sat at the table, still pondering that question. She knew what Marco would say, or Caroline, if she were still alive. Bunny wasn't sure what she would say, however, if someone asked her that question.
"How's your head?" Rosa asked suddenly.
Bunny started, looking up at her as the other woman put a plate of food down in front of her. Shrugging, she tried to smile a little, but saw that Rosa wasn't buying it. Hell, she wasn't buying it and she was the one selling it.
"Hurts a bit, but the dizziness seems to have gotten better," she admitted finally.
Rosa nodded as she sat across from her. "You're lucky it wasn't worse."
"I know, I know," Bunny told her. "I'm one lucky gal."
"What happened out there, with Peyton?" Rosa asked, throwing Bunny.
She said nothing for a moment, before admitting, "Not something I want to talk about."
"Maybe you should," the other woman insisted.
"Why?" Bunny asked. "What will it help? He's dead."
"He deserved it," Rosa told her bluntly. "Of that, I have no doubt. I'm not asking for his benefit, or to accuse you, but because I think you really do need to say it out loud. You need to get it off your chest, so it doesn’t haunt you.”
"Didn't know you were a therapist, too,” Bunny said with an ironic laugh.
"Joke all you want. It doesn't change the fact that telling someone will make it easier to live with," Rosa shot back. "No matter what it is. If he tried to leave you behind, or whatever it was he did, you need to accept that you did what you had to in order to survive."
"I left him," Bunny told her softly, staring at the scrambled eggs in front of her.
"What?" Rosa asked after a long moment of silence.
"I left him,” Bunny repeated. “I left him to them."
Rosa was clearly shocked, staring at Bunny wide eyed. "Why?"
"He tried to rape me."
Rosa blinked, looked away, and stared at the wall for a long time. "I knew he was bad I just didn't think..."
"I shouldn't have left him," Bunny said. "No matter what he did, he was still a living person. I shouldn't have left him to the dead. It was wrong."
"No, it wasn't," Rosa disagreed.
Bunny stared at her, as shocked as Rosa had been. "How can you say that?"
"Some people are more dangerous than the dead, Bunny. If you want to live, and want others to live, you need to accept that sometimes, there are people you're going to have to leave behind."
"How can you be so cold about it?" Bunny yelled. "You're a fucking doctor!"
"I spent years working an ER. You know what you learn there? When you can save a life, and when you can't!" Rosa snapped. "Sometimes, you have to let people die so you can save others. That's just reality."
"I won't accept that," Bunny snapped.
"Then you're going to get yourself, and a lot of other people killed," Rosa declared flatly. "Peyton was a liability. Now he isn't. Thank you for solving that problem."
Bunny stood and walked out of the room, unable to listen to another word. Not because it made her angry, or because it hurt, but because she knew it was true, and didn't want to accept it.
Instead, she went down to the bay to find Marco and see how things were going with her car. She wanted out of this building desperately, before Rosa could infect her with realism, and though she knew that's what she was running from, she ran anyway.
Downstairs, she found Marco had all but finished putting the Camaro back in running order. He was tinkering with the engine when she came in, early morning sunlight drifting in through the open garage door behind him, making him appear as normal and human as she.
In that moment, she wondered what the real difference was between them. Beside a pulse, was there any?
"Hey," he said as she came into the room. "What's up?"
"Nothing," she lied. "Just checking to see if you need any help."
He shook his head. "Nah, pretty much done. Just giving the carburetor a little tweak. Don't want you stalling out at a bad time."
"Yeah," Bunny said. "I'd hate to stall
