Eliza pressed her lips together and released them. It almost seemed as if she wasn’t surprised by this.
“I suppose that is his punishment.”
“I don’t think it’s a punishment,” Eliza said.
“It feels like it is.”
“I think he simply needs distance and you should respect that,” Eliza said, sitting down just as Mr. James brought in a tea service.
“Are you not eating this morning?” Octavia asked, concern lacing her voice.
“A little later, I think. Come have some tea.”
“So we simply avoid each other from now on? Is that what he has in mind?”
“I suspect he will not make it difficult to do so,” she said with a small smile.
It was hard for Octavia not to feel upset about this. After everything she’d done for him, this felt a little like a punch in the gut. Obviously, she kind of understood. She had herself cut off people she’d felt there was no future with. And normally, she wouldn’t care if someone did the same to her. It was a practical thing to do, but this felt more severe.
Chances were that she’d never see him again. It wouldn’t be for a long time, anyway. He would ensure it. His appearance would not happen again at the large balls and society events. All to avoid her. It felt... devastating. That was the word for it. It felt devastating, as if she’d lost a very close friend, because he did seem to know her in ways other people didn’t. When she spoke, he listened—he understood her intentions. And now he cut her off.
All because he didn’t approve of the prince!
That was unfair and she wasn’t being honest about the real reason behind this. It was an issue she didn’t really want to face. He cared about her, more than as a friend. And because of that, he couldn’t be friends with her.
Sad and distressed was how she felt. More than she ever had before. Which was probably why she was behaving quite childishly. She did not want this. Neither did she want him to stop caring about her, which was exactly what he was trying to do. Her absence would lead to him stopping caring about her, and then his attention would turn elsewhere. Nausea rolled her stomach.
“I think it’s best you just let him go,” Eliza said beside her and Octavia bristled at the statement. Of course it was a reasonable request. She just didn’t want to be reasonable. “Let us talk about Prince Frederich instead.”
“Drat Prince Frederich,” Octavia uttered without fully meaning to. Right now, she didn’t even want to think of him. Of course she liked him. What was there not to like about him? But the truth was that dealing with him... everything seemed less pressing and distant. The likelihood of a match between them was a distant thing, a very uncertain thing. It was flattering that he liked her, and she liked him in return. This affection between themwas fun and light, but it didn’t feel… raw.
It was that very rawness she was steering clear of, because it felt both compelling and threatening. In the very heart of her, she knew Fortescue could break her heart if she let him. And his confusion between real feelings and gratitude would lead them down that path. What she’d done had been sensible. Navigated a fine line where they would still have the friendship, but not veer into heartbreak. It had been the perfect balance, the safe balance, but he wasn’t having it.
Eliza was silent for a while. “If that is how you feel, maybe you shouldn’t encourage him to woo you.”
That wasn’t what Octavia meant. This was how misunderstandings so easily arose. “I never said I don’t take his interest seriously. It’s a flirtation. Nothing is assured with it.”
Flirtation was something she’d had to be very careful with when dealing with Fortescue, because flirtation would lead to kissing, which would lead to marriage before either of them had had a moment to think about it. Gratitude and affection would spur things on so smoothly and quickly, neither of them would have time to ask if it was the right thing.
“But you are interested in marrying him?” Eliza said.
“As I said, it is merely a flirtation. For all we know, he may not be free to marry as he wishes.”
Eliza shifted in her seat. “Then you are not serious about him.” There was accusation in her voice.
“I am very seriously considering seeing how this goes. Why does everyone expect me to marry without ever determining if the person are right for me? I won’t apologize for it,” Octavia said and stood. "Once again, I feel like I’m being pushed to do things I don’t feel I’ve had the time to determine is right. Like marry the first interested man of reasonable social standing. Who cares what the quality of the marriage would be like, or how well they were actually matched? No,” she said sharply. “I am not marrying him simply because he’s a prince, but yes, I am exploring whether he is a man I could marry, and please don’t assume that just because he flirts with me that he’s ready to propose. That is naive and foolhardy. I’m allowed to actually know the person I marry.” It wasn’t simply Eliza she was aiming this at, but Julius and Cressida, and Fortescue. And everyone who had more than a passing interest in this prince and how beneficial it would be to the family. Also to all the people who kept asking her when she was going to allow herself to marry. Everyone questioned her intentions, trying to find some plan to deceive in her actions.
“Octavia,” Eliza called. “I
