All he wanted was some spark to indicate there could be something more, something real. And it was deeply unfair to compare them to Octavia’s vivaciousness.
He flatly forbade himself to search for her. No doubt, she was here somewhere, being well attended to by her Bavarian prince.
A spear of utter loneliness struck him. It felt as though he had found his very best friend and now had to leave the friendship behind. He just wanted his own people, people who belonged with him. A family.
Granted, the process of getting one was exceedingly painful. As were his toes that a man just stepped on. In all seriousness, he had to find a wife so he never had to do this again.
“Lord Fortescue,” a familiar voice said and he cringed a little on the inside. Octavia had found him. Could she not have simply passed him by without drawing his attention? There were enough people to do so.
“Miss Hennington. A delight to see you.” And she was alone, walking through the crowd. “I hope you’re enjoying the evening.”
“It’s a fine evening, if one likes excessively crowded balls. I have to say there is a certain comfort element in exclusivity.”
Finn felt awkward. And it was hard to hear her. They had to stand much closer than preferred.
“Saying that, I suspect it will thin out considerably in an hour. Many of our more honorable attendees won’t be able to tolerate this for long.”
“I think I might count myself amongst them.”
“Are you honorable now?” she asked, that teasing glint in her eyes. How easily she drew him in, but he couldn’t allow himself to be drawn into her banter anymore. No one who heard them would say it was flirtatious, but in reality, it very much was.
“I hope you have a wonderful evening,” he said with a small bow of his head, effectively ending the conversation.
“There is more room on the dance floor,” she said. “It seems it’s the only place with enough room to converse.”
“I can’t dance with you, Miss Hennington.”
“Whyever not?”
Finn didn’t know how to answer. Didn’t want to answer. He certainly wasn’t going to torture himself by dancing with her. It felt too... masochistic.
“I would like us to be friends,” she said, her hand touching the jacket on his forearm. A gesture he noticed.
“I can’t be friends with you,” he said, barely able to make himself look at her, but he forced himself to. There was concern in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
The last thing he needed was a friendship with the person he was in love with. Something that continued on and on, constantly giving and dashing hope. It would distract him for years, probably well into her marriage. It wouldn’t serve him at all, because it would be a place where he’d be too on edge to be happy, but too comfortable to leave.
“Good evening,” he said with another quick bow and he drew himself away and didn’t look back. His heart beat with the finality of it. It did feel final. The end of his entanglement with Miss Octavia Hennington. The one that had devastated him to a degree he hadn’t thought possible. In all, none of it was her fault. She’d done nothing wrong. He’d fallen in love with her, and it wasn’t for her to reciprocate simply because he wanted her to.
There was one more young lady he was obliged to dance with, but beyond that, he couldn’t tolerate this anymore. He’d come, he’d done what he had to do—had proven what he needed to. He’d also ended any continued entanglement with Octavia—probably the whole Hennington family.
Perhaps it would be better if he attended smaller gatherings. Ideally not in the Hennington social circle. It shouldn’t prove too difficult. There wasn’t a shortage of eligible young women. He simply had to get to know a few. Sooner or later, he would find someone steadfast, intelligent and reasonable. It certainly didn’t need to be someone who made quite the impact that Octavia did. Most importantly, he wanted someone who wanted him back. It wasn’t too much to ask for, was it?
Now if he could just find Miss Rose Merton so he could free himself from the last obligation for the evening. In all honesty, he even felt like visiting some of his old haunts. It wasn’t a night to go home and sulk. There had been too much of brooding and reflection of late. Too much by far. Perhaps what he needed was a few drinks with people intent on being merry.
Chapter 34
OCTAVIA PACED IN THE quiet salon. It was early even as she’d returned home quite late last night. Her sleep had been horrible and her head ached. In all, it hadn’t been a terribly pleasant evening. The prince had been his typical self, and she’d enjoyed his company, even as neither of them had particularly enjoyed the evening. But that hadn’t been the entirety of her lack of enjoyment.
Soft steps approached and she knew it was Eliza, who looked surprised seeing Octavia there. “I would have thought you would still be asleep. How was it?”
“Horrible. You chose wisely in not coming. It was incredibly crowded. Both hot and loud. None of us came away without bruises from someone’s elbow in our side or back.”
“Are you sure that wasn’t Cressida?” Eliza asked sweetly. On the surface, Eliza was always sweet and calm, but at times, there was that glint of mischief in her. It must have been one of the many reasons Caius loved her. At times, Octavia wondered if Eliza didn’t downright enjoy her new sister-in-law's overt pettiness.
“Fortescue refuses to be friends with me,” Octavia blurted out. This had sat with
