“But my life is not all pleasure and enjoyment,” he said. “Unfortunately, I must agree to the requisite royal visitations. I have to leave London for a few days.”
“That sounds positively dreadful,” she teased.
“Well, it is slow, with a lot of sitting and smiling with people you don’t really know but are invariably related to. So in a sense, they are family, and it would be rude to not see them. I haven’t met the British Queen before, but I have met her husband many times. A good man.”
“Then I wish you a tolerable visit. Dress warmly. I hear Windsor Castle is terribly cold and drafty.”
“Fear not. Old, cold and drafty I am used to. It will be my pleasure to see you at the Admiral’s Ball.”
“Of course. I look forward to it.” She wouldn’t miss it for the world, even if she wanted to. Julius wouldn’t let her. Not that she would attend it because Julius wanted her to. Her regard for the prince was entirely separate from her brother’s enthusiasm for the match.
Also, she wondered if Lord Fortescue would be there. Renewed unease twisted her gut. For some reason, she didn’t want him to see how it was between her and the prince. Somehow, it felt as though she was doing something wrong, when in reality, she really wasn’t.
This unease needed to stop, but she didn’t know how to address it.
Chapter 33
THE CLUB HAD BECOME a safe haven for him, where he didn’t get introduced to anyone’s daughter, and the men had stopped inviting him on behalf of their wives. Once was enough. Beyond that was unseemly, and everyone, more or less, stuck to that edict. It also distracted him from his own thoughts, which were a little morose for his liking.
Whatever he did, he could not shake the persistent thoughts of his last encounter with Octavia. There was no reason why he should feel so betrayed, but he did. She had every right to receive anyone she liked, and she clearly enjoyed this prince’s company. In darker moments, he wondered if it was the man’s title she adored. Marrying him would make her both wealthy and powerful. The women who were always trying to tear her down would have to bow to her. Anyone had to feel the justice in that.
So it wasn’t that he begrudged her success, but underneath, the part of him that couldn’t be reasoned with still felt betrayed. Maybe the feeling would give one day, or maybe it wouldn’t. He hoped it did, because there was a part of his unconscious mind that was screaming in panic, as if there was something he could do to fix this. The more logical part of him felt that if she was even so much as unsure, this was not the pairing for him. He didn’t want messiness, or compromises. He wanted someone who wanted him wholeheartedly, and that was not the situation he was in.
Fortescue greeted people as they passed, but he didn’t invite anyone into conversation. One of the best things about the club was that it wasn’t required. Respect was given to those seeking a quiet night.
Exactly when had he become the person seeking silence and solitude? When he’d started seriously considering women. Battles from which he’d come off worse for wear, and so far, it didn’t even include marriage.
The following night was the Admiral’s Ball. The Earl of Egmont threw a ball every year, that was one of the larger events of the season. He'd already responded to the invitation, so he felt he had to make an appearance. At this point, he also felt that he needed to stop running away from the discomfort of scheming mavens and dashed hopes. Octavia was a part of the society in which he mixed. It was a simple fact, at least until she married and moved to the continent. Until then, he would simply have to accept that there were places where he would see her.
Finishing his port in the smoking room, he decided he’d had enough for the evening and chose to walk home. It was chilly outside, but he relished the briskness. It felt as if he had settled something for himself. He knew why he was there, to find his wife and companion, and he needed to pursue that aim. Disappointment was his to bear and he would do so, but his search for someone who wanted to be with him had to continue. What other option was there? Retreat to his estate and live like a hermit out of spite for not getting what he wanted? It simply wasn’t to be his. She wasn’t to be his. And as disappointing as that was, it could not define him. Compared to a long and happy marriage, this loss would fade.
It might not feel like it just then, but he was known for being pragmatic. The search had to continue.
*
The Admiral’s ball was well attended. In fact, it was probably too well attended. It was downright crowded. The large ballroom was loud and hot. Seats were at a premium and reserved for the elderly. Even so, people insisted on being here, and considering it now, he wasn’t sure what in the world had made him accept this invitation.
That was a lie. It had been the prospect of seeing Octavia. This had been before their new understanding. And now, he was here out of pride for not running away, even if that was exactly what he wanted to do.
So, he let himself be introduced to the young ladies related to the people he knew. There was no shortage of eligible young women. What he feared was that he wouldn’t feel affinity with any of
