“I’m really sorry I kept my gift a secret. I know it could probably take years, maybe even forever before you even consider forgiving me. I want you to know that I truly am sorry and that it will never happen again,” I look at him and see that his facial expression hasn’t changed and I know that it is pointless.
I place the needle back into the first aid kit, my bloody hands shaking. Tears are forming in my eyes, and I just can’t take all this right now. I rise and take off into the forest. I think I hear Alexander yell my name, but all my senses are muffled. I can’t change his mind so what’s the point of trying? I’m so frustrated with myself that I just keep running, and running. I’m telling myself I’m breaking down because I don’t want to lose Alexander, but it’s more than that. His blood on my hands, the needle in and out of his skin, it sends a nauseous wave over me. I keep running trying to get away from it. Make it to the river. Wash the blood. I keep thinking over and over again. I almost got him killed. The thought seeps into my head and I’m sent into another wave of panic.
When I can’t physically run anymore I collapse to my knees, sending a shooting pain up my back. I fall to my side, letting out a shrieking cry of pain. My breath comes fast and shallow. Tears are streaming down my face, and suddenly I'm overcome by a feeling of exhaustion.
It feels like someone has dropped a hundred pounds on my chest knocking the air out of me. I suddenly can’t move any part of my body. I’m about to scream for help when, suddenly, I seem to have lost the ability to speak. Soon I can’t hear anything either, each sense slipping farther and farther away. I’m starting to panic more, which isn’t good, especially when I’m already paralyzed on the forest floor. Another shot of pain courses through my body, and then everything goes black. The last thing I see is the quiet world above me.
Chapter 9
When I regain consciousness it’s dark all around. I try and sit up and find my body able to move again, but extremely sore. Slowly I brace myself on a tree and drag my body to my feet. The river. I see it through the cluster of trees. I’m not overcome by panic from the blood and death from this morning anymore.
I walk to the river’s edge and clean Alexander’s dried blood off my hands. I can’t do that anymore. I can’t freak out. I have to stay in control. I try and lecture myself, but how do you control waves of panic and anxiety? One step at a time I make my way back to our camp.
When I step into the clearing the first thing I see is a fire brightly lit. I move closer and see Alexander and Zavy sitting near it. Zavy stands and races towards me, still limping on her foot.
“Where have you been?” she asks, her hands gripping my arms.
“The river,” I say and my tired eyes meet hers. “I’m sorry, I said we’d go get Toby,” I start to say but Zavy stops me.
“We have another plan.” Zavy leads me to the fire and hands me some meat and berries. I try and catch Alexander’s gaze through the flame, but he doesn’t look at me.
“What’s our plan?” I ask and scan the rest of the clearing for the first time. The dead soldiers from this morning’s battle still lay scattered around the forest rim. We are camped out on a battlefield, and I have to avoid looking at them to keep myself from getting sick.
“We’re going to stay in the bunker tonight,” Zavy says and I look to her in disbelief.
“Paylon knows that’s where we’ve been hiding. That’s the first place he’ll look,” I say between bites of food.
“That’s the point.” Zavy tosses another piece of wood on the fire and it explodes with sparks. “You and Alexander will be in the bunker. We’ll lock it from within so you are protected. I’ll wait up in a tree and when Paylon comes I’ll shoot him.” She drives the small stick she’d been holding into the soft dirt by her foot. “He’ll never see it coming.”
“Why don’t Alexander and I stay out of the bunker and help you in the attack?” I start to question.
“The Lost Souls will smell your scent. They’re here to track you, not me. They’ll know you’re out of the bunker and the plan will be ruined,” Zavy says and I nod understanding.
“And if Paylon doesn’t come?” I ask.
“Then we’ll go after him,” Zavy says flatly and I nod agreeing. It’s better for us if he comes here. Then we have the advantage.
“Toby wasn’t at his camp,” I say, remembering that I had looked for him when I saved Alexander.
“Alexander says they’re holding him at one of the Stake Points,” Zavy says.
“What’s that?” I ask and direct my question to Alexander.
He still doesn’t look up when he answers. “They’re camps set up throughout the woods with cages. We use them to lock up the runways we find out here until transports can be sent to get them.” While I may have struggled to trust Alexander in the beginning because he was a guard at the castle, I now see how valuable it can be to us. We have inside knowledge.
“So we take care of Paylon and then go save Toby,” I say and finish off my late dinner.
“Let’s get into position,” Zavy says and stands. Alexander begins to move toward the bunker, but I stay put. My eyes stare into the
