I have to rid myself of it, but it still pains my heart to watch a piece of my mother burn. Not only a piece of her but my only piece of her. She’d understand though, I have to make myself believe that. Images of my mother sitting in her room scribbling away in the book fill my head. All the visions she saw; like her own future or maybe herself in school. Did she see herself marrying my father? She must have known that he was going to his death when he left us. That’s why she was okay with giving her life for this mission too.
As the flames creep further across the binding of the book they finally catch on the light tan pages. They burst in flames and burn quickly, being eaten before my eyes. I hate watching it burn, but I won’t look away. I need to know it is completely gone. I need to be sure that there is not a piece left of it. If I can be sure of that then I will be able to stop second-guessing all my moves.
There’s no way for me to see the future, to know if the moves I make are correct. I have been wondering if Alexander was alive or dead for two days now. The answer is right there, burning before my eyes. I want to open the journal and see that he’s alive, but the fear that he is truly dead wins out. So I won’t know, I won’t confirm or deny the inevitable. When he finds us then I’ll know. When he’s not here by morning like Zavy and I had agreed to hope until, then I will know. In seconds, the paper pages have completely turned to ash and I watch the flames continue to work away at the thick old book cover.
Zavy doesn’t respond and I can tell she knows it isn’t her place to. I wonder if she held onto anything from her mother or father. Does she carry a small piece of home with her? I remember Zavy was never a very sentimental person so I doubt it. Finally, the last of the book’s cover turns to ash and it’s gone. Every piece of my mother is gone, forever.
The future will remain unknown. It will remain a secret. A blank page that I get to write myself. I fall back and place my head on my pillow. My eyes stare up into the sea of stars above me. I breathe in steady cold breaths of the night air and slowly fall asleep.
Chapter 18
Slowly I start to wake up, but I still feel like I’m in a haze, and then I hear his voice in the distance.
“Adaline! Adaline are you there?” I hear the voice call very faintly, but I would recognize it anywhere.
“Alexander,” I choke out. I jump to my feet and run toward the sound of his voice, thankful I sleep with my sword on my hip in case of instances like this.
“Alexander, it’s me! It’s Adaline! I’m here, Alexander,” I call out to him, running aimlessly through the dark forest.
“Adaline!” he calls back to me. “Adaline, I need your help.”
“I’m coming Alexander. Don’t worry.” I pick up my pace and keep running toward him, his calls to me getting louder and louder. I crash into a clearing and see Alexander kneeling on the ground holding a sword to his neck. His hair is matted to his face with mud and sweat. His green eyes looking deep into mine.
“Alexander, what’s going on?” I say between my gasps for air.
“Adaline, I need your help,” he says in a steady voice.
“Alexander,” I start.
“Adaline,” he mimics and this all feels too familiar.
“What do you need, Alexander,” I hear myself ask him and I’m not in control of my own words.
“Kill me, Adaline. I need you to kill me,” he says, but his voice no longer matches him. It sounds different.
“Alexander, I don’t think this is what you want,” I hear myself say to him.
“Do it!” he yells back to me.
“There are other options,” I start to say, my words still not being controlled by my own mind.
“I said do it,” Alexander commands, cutting me off.
I feel myself start to lift my hands and as hard as I try to force them down I can’t. I’ve lost all control of my body. “No!” I yell inside my head, but nothing comes out of my mouth.
I watch as the sword pushes against Alexander’s neck and I hear him say, “Thank you.” I picture the blade going through his neck and hear myself scream.
I feel my body jolt up and my eyes fly open. “A nightmare. It was just a nightmare,” I say and take in deep breaths of the cool air. My eyes adjust to the night and I see that everyone is still sound asleep around the dying fire. I have to repeat to myself over and over that the dream doesn’t mean anything. We still have a couple of hours until morning. A couple more hours to hope he’ll be here.
I feel a drop of water hit the top of my head and look up into the canopy of palm leaves above me. All thoughts of the dream fade and my survival instincts take over. I turn to look out to the river and can see the hundreds of rings appearing on the water. It’s the first rain I’ve encountered since getting out of prison.
I relax my tense shoulders, and slowly get up and walk out from the canopy of leaves. I feel the rain pour down on me, and I’m overcome with excitement. I hold out my hands
