“What? No!” Lena raised her hands, palms outward. Why would Jess think that? “I’m sorry if I said something offensive, but I wasn’t talking about your weight. At all. I was talking about an internal sense of balance, your center of gravity. And not that it matters, but I don’t think you’re fat.”
Jess snorted and looked down. Some internal battle was going on, but after a few seconds she squared her shoulders. “So what did you mean?”
Lena smiled, relieved Jess had worked through another confrontation instead of letting her temper flare. “Let me show you. If I stand as I would normally, I’m not really steady. My center isn’t stable.” She stood like Jess had a minute ago, reasonably straight but not at all well balanced. “Shove me at the shoulder.”
Jess did after a short hesitation, so light the touch barely registered.
Laughing, Lena made a come-on motion with her hand. “A bit harder. I’m not made of glass.”
The second shove was better. Lena swayed a bit but regained her balance in no time. “Did you see that? It wasn’t too hard, but I had to work to remain in my position. My balance was off.” She repositioned herself in the correct pose. “Now shove me again.”
Jess did, and this time Lena had no difficulty holding her balance.
“Again, much stronger.”
Jess lifted her eyebrows. “Really?”
“Really. I promise, I’ll survive.”
This time, the contact would have been sufficient to tumble her had she not anchored herself with her center to the earth. “That’s it. Did you see? If you’re a master, no one can push you over, not even with all your strength.” She laughed. “I’m not, so please spare me.”
Grinning, Jess raised her hands, palms outward. “I won’t. That was amazing. So this is a kind of fighting stance?”
“Tai chi is based on the same principles as kung fu, but this is not about fighting. This is about finding your inner strength and holding on to it.” Lena swallowed. The last sentence echoed in her mind in the voice of her grandma, who had shown her this technique to help her handle the changes puberty had thrown at her. At first, she had thought it was all about physical aspects. Only years later had she understood that her mind had been shaped as much as her body.
Jess positioned herself again, trying to emulate what Lena had taught her. It was far from perfect but a massive improvement.
“Looks much better. Does it feel different?”
Jess closed her eyes and shifted her weight a bit by rolling back and forth on her feet. “Yeah.” Her voice was full of wonder. “Yeah, it does.”
“Wonderful. You won’t master this in one day, but the key is practicing regularly. We’ll do this now for the next ten minutes.”
“Ten?” Jess opened her eyes, and all her poise vanished. “Isn’t that boring?”
Lena laughed. “No. Concentration. Breathing. Inner strength. Remember? But I’ll go easy on you, and we’ll only do five minutes today. And you can lower your arms any time you need to. Mainly concentrate on your breathing and your center.”
Snorting, Jess closed her eyes again. “I have a pretty precise inner clock. I’ll hold you to it.”
From her position a few feet behind Lena, Jess had ample time to study her during tai chi. Lena hadn’t spoken much. She seemed to be into all the inner peace and focus stuff. And why not? It was a good feeling to concentrate on simple things for a while, like where to put your hands and feet next.
Jess had chosen this time and place to meet Lena because her mom would still be asleep. She hadn’t expected to get drawn into a tai chi lesson before she could apologize. And she hadn’t expected to enjoy it. Yes, it was much too slow and tame compared to her usual exercise. Nothing like the endorphins she got from running or the adrenaline of competing against others. But somehow it had helped to reduce the pain in her lower back that had been her constant companion during the pregnancy. The sick feeling in her stomach persisted, but that had nothing to do with her body and everything to do with her recent behavior.
With a seriousness Jess couldn’t quite share, Lena bowed to the ground and ended the lesson. She smiled at Jess. “How did you like it?”
“It was not what I expected.” Jess wiped her palms on her sweatpants.
“Is that good?” Lena removed her hairband, and her curls tumbled down to her shoulders. She combed her fingers through them once, not that it made much difference. They seemed to have a will of their own.
“Yeah.” It would be so easy to keep up the small talk and ignore everything that had happened in recent weeks, especially yesterday evening, but that wasn’t Jess’s style. “I, um… Can we talk for a minute?”
Lena raised her eyebrows. “Aren’t we talking now?”
None of her planned introductions fit. Jess took a deep breath as if she intended to jump in icy water and held Lena’s gaze. “I’m sorry.”
Lena’s eyes widened, but the smile didn’t leave her lips.
“I’m really, really sorry for my behavior since I moved here.” Before she lost her courage, Jess continued without waiting for a reaction. “I shouldn’t have acted like an ass when I found out my mom rented the house to you, and I shouldn’t have tried to snoop around to gather incriminating information.”
“Incriminating? What did you think I was up to?” Lena’s smile dimmed, and a deep line appeared between her brows. “Wait? Did you think I was a prostitute all that time? That wasn’t just something outrageous you said to provoke me?”
“No, I mean…” Jess swallowed. “I only thought that last night…when I spied on you. Before that I didn’t have a theory about you, just a stupid suspicion something was wrong. I thought you might want to scam my mom or something.”
Lena paled. “Scam? No! I would never… I’m
