After she’d dressed, she looked at the closed door of the bedroom with a sigh. The urge to go back and snuggle up next to Lena was strong, chipping away her resolution. Since when did she feel like this after sex?
She blew out the flickering candles and left the garden house.
Now she had to figure out how to sneak in past her mother to shower and change before she retrieved the baby monitor for the night.
For the first time in years, Lena wanted to pull the sheets over her head when her internal alarm clock woke her. Not because the bed was so comfortable, and especially not because it still smelled like sex, but because she didn’t want to face Jess.
With a sigh, she stood and went for a quick shower. The massage table and the pile of used towels in the bathroom were visible reminders of yesterday evening’s events. Not that she needed any. The pleasant relaxation of her body hadn’t yet left her.
The sex had been great. Jess had seemed to know exactly what she liked, and the orgasm had been amazing. But afterward, she’d tossed and turned in her bed. Her mind had been too keyed up to sleep and had run in circles, while her body had wanted nothing more than to bask in the afterglow. And when she’d forced herself to get up to at least blow out the candles, she’d been touched Jess had been so thoughtful as to extinguish them. She’d gone back to bed and thought some more about what had happened—and what hadn’t.
She’d have preferred to look at Jess and to touch her, but she’d sensed Jess had her reasons, and that was okay. If they were in a relationship, she’d like to work on that with Jess—if she wanted to—but they weren’t. And that was fine. Not only fine, that was what she wanted too. Wasn’t it?
Lena wasn’t a dreamer who believed in happily ever after just because the princess had tumbled with the maid in the hay. She snorted. Jess would make such a bad princess.
But she’d grown to like Jess as she’d gained a glimpse of the complex and often sweet woman beneath the rough surface. And she wasn’t sure in which direction their budding friendship would develop now. Would they awkwardly drift apart, or would they grow even closer? Maybe they’d repeat the sex in a sort of friends-with-benefits arrangement. If that happened, would Lena be able to draw the necessary barrier between friendship and relationship?
She’d had a couple of friends like that before, but never someone who was so linked to all aspects of her life, from her morning tai chi, to her new job with Jess’s mother, to her living arrangements. Did she trust Jess not to hurt her? And even worse, for a chance to repeat their evening, did she even care about getting hurt?
She turned the shower to cold and rinsed off the soap. Now wasn’t the time for reveries.
The morning was pleasantly mild, even though the sun had just grazed the horizon. A smiling Jess was waiting for her at the edge of the clearing. She greeted Lena as if she didn’t have a care in the world, but dark circles under her eyes suggested Lena hadn’t been the only one to lose sleep last night.
Ella could have been the reason, but Lena suspected otherwise. She was a little ashamed of how much she enjoyed not being the only one affected. Even though she wanted to talk about the consequences of last night, Lena decided it could wait until after tai chi. They could both use some routine and time to center their thoughts and emotions. She answered the greeting with an easy smile of her own and started her warm-up.
After the session, Jess was the first to speak. “Could we talk for a moment?”
Though the words were a stereotypical introduction to a brush off, Lena didn’t get any negative vibes from her. “Sure. Do you want to join me for tea on the porch?” The porch of the garden house was tiny compared to the main house, but they’d have privacy.
Jess nodded and quietly followed Lena. She sat on one of the old Adirondack chairs Lena had found in Maggie’s storage shed and stretched out her legs.
Preparing two mugs of green tea didn’t take much effort, but Lena kept her thoughts on her actions in the kitchen instead of on the woman waiting outside. When she carried the steaming mugs out, Jess had closed her eyes and tilted her head up toward the morning sun.
Her mouth held a soft half smile, and the usual lines around her eyes and between her brows had vanished.
Lena put the mugs on the small table between the chairs and sat. She twirled the string of the tea bag around her finger, and the bag bobbed up and down in the mug.
Jess opened her eyes before Lena could think of something to say. Today, they shone in the bright blue of the morning sky.
For a second, Lena regretted not negotiating for at least some light last night. She’d have loved to study Jess’s expressive eyes during the lovemaking—wait. Sex. She meant during sex. She sat up straighter. “What do you want to talk about?”
Jess mirrored her posture. “I’m sorry I left so abruptly last night, and I wanted to see if we’re still okay. I know I said it before…but…” She blushed but didn’t look away. The fine lines around her eyes had deepened. “I enjoyed last night, but it can’t develop into a relationship. My life is focused on Ella at the moment, on getting my health back, and on going back to work. A relationship isn’t in the plan, and I don’t want to lead you on.” She groaned and rubbed her eyes with both hands. “I’m sorry. This is presumptuous. You haven’t given the slightest indication you would expect more, and why would you?
