“Heinz, what do you think will happen to Trudi? She was so sad when she gave Liesl to me. I thought she was going to jump on board too. Why didn’t she?” Tomas asked.
“She is too old to travel with us; you know the rules,” Heinz replied shortly. He didn’t want to think about his stepmother having feelings, although they had once been close. Mother had engaged Trudi as a nanny to Tomas when she’d first fallen ill. She wanted Tomas to be brought up properly, as befitted the son of a doctor. Trudi was the orphaned daughter of friends of Mother’s. Her family could trace their history right back to the early days of Cologne. Did mother know Trudi wouldn’t wait but a couple of months before she took up all the roles Mother had held, including warming her husband’s bed?
Papa had only married her when Trudi trapped him, by getting pregnant. That’s what Aunt Chana said, and Heinz believed her. Chana was his father’s eldest sister and shared Heinz’s adoration of his father. Papa could do no wrong in Chana’s eyes. The blame for his marriage and the arrival of Liesl, so soon after Mother’s death, was placed firmly at Trudi’s feet. Chana had liked Mother, and often said she was the perfect mate for her brother. “A proud lady, your mother, she could give the best dinner party in the whole of Berlin. Her table settings were just perfect and the food she provided, Oy Vey, it was always cooked to perfection. Your mother was part of the reason your Papa was so successful. Martha could charm honey from the bees. Of course, she was part of the Rothschild family, you know.”
When he was younger, listening to stories of Mother’s relatives, Heinz had walked into a Rothschild bank and told the staff he was a part-owner, much to their amusement. Mother hadn’t been in the slightest bit amused and had sent him to his bedroom without any food. He couldn’t understand why she’d gotten so angry until later Papa explained she was, in fact, only distantly related to the Rothschild family, by marriage. They didn’t even know who Martha Beck was.
“What are you thinking about, Heinz?” Tomas asked, squirming in his seat. The baby seemed to be sleeping.
“Just stuff. What’s wrong with you? Sit still.”
“Can’t. I have to go pee.”
Heinz rolled his eyes. He should have guessed. His brother’s bladder was always full, no matter how many times he went to the toilet.
“You will have to wait.”
Tomas turned white and then his cheeks flushed. “Can’t wait. Been waiting since before we got on the train. Trudi wouldn’t let me go. Said I could get lost. I can’t hold it much longer. I’m going to wet myself.”
Heinz stood up, looking around. He couldn’t see any toilets.
“What’s wrong? Sit down for God’s sake, they will come back,” Rachel hissed.
“Tomas needs to…” Heinz caught himself in time. “He needs the bathroom.”
“Oh.” Rachel gave Tomas a sympathetic look and then one of the girls sitting with her said, “I need to go too.”
“Me too,” another girl added. Soon it seemed as if everyone in the car wanted to go.
“I’ll take them.” Rachel stood up, patting down her skirt. “Look after Liesl.”
“No, you take the baby. I will take Tomas and the others.”
“Heinz, sit down and shut up. Things are bad enough without you spoiling for a fight. Not all of the guards are as bad as the one at the station. I’ll take them.”
Something in Rachel’s tone told him to listen. He held out his hands for Liesl, leaving Tomas to sigh in relief. At his curious look, Tomas grinned. “She was sitting in an awkward place.”
Heinz laughed; he couldn’t help himself. His brother was a mischievous little soul when he wasn’t terrified. Tomas gave him a serious look.
“Take good care of her and don’t wake her. She doesn’t like that.”
With that advice, Tomas disappeared in Rachel’s wake. Heinz sat back into the seat, shifting slightly to get comfortable. Liesl was surprisingly heavy for the size of her. He glanced at the bundle and his heart caught. Liesl was staring straight back at him, not smiling or crying or anything. Just holding his gaze, her big eyes seeming to assess him. She had Papa’s eyes and his thoughtful expression. Then she put her hand out and grabbed onto his finger, squeezing it tight. His heart turned over despite all his efforts to harden it. She kept squeezing, gave a contented little sigh and, closing her eyes, started to snore softly.
Trudi Beck watched as the train pulled out of the station, taking her heart with it. Her arms ached for Liesl, her precious baby but she also ached for the loss of Tomas and despite Heinz’s reaction to her now, him too. She walked slowly, her shoulders slumped, back to her now-empty apartment. She wasn’t alone, other mothers walked with her, some fathers too, although many were still missing after Kristallnacht. She closed her eyes, not wanting to think about that night, that awful night when everything changed.
11
There were some Jewish chaperones on the train, but Heinz paid them little heed. He knew they would accompany the train to England and then return to Germany. Why didn’t they leave the train too and make a break for freedom? That’s what he would do in their position.
He watched the scenery, as the train moved swiftly along. The tension in their carriage rose as they drew near the Dutch border. They knew, from stories passed around the community, they faced another Nazi inspection before they reached the relative safety of Holland.
Rachel came back with Tomas and the other children. To his surprise, she slid into the seat next to him.
“Do you have any valuables?” she whispered.
He shook his
