No! Please not in the railcars! But there was no doubt about the Nazis’ intentions and soon enough all the women had been herded into the waiting cattle wagons. Once the doors were locked and bolted, she just hoped the journey would actually take her to the salt mines and not to the unimaginable horrors of the extermination camps the newcomers from Auschwitz had told them about.
21
Finally, the day drew to an end and it was time to line up for dinner. Mindel was the first in the queue and wolfed down her tepid soup even quicker than usual. She impressed once again on Laszlo the need to cover for her absence and darted off to meet Hanneli next to the fence.
It was such an exciting turn of events, her cheeks were burning hot and for the first time in weeks she didn’t feel cold. Once she’d found Rachel everything would turn out just fine. Maybe her sister could even come to live with her in the orphans' barracks. Mother Brinkmann sure wouldn’t mind having another big girl to help her with the smaller children.
“Hanneli!” she gasped, out of breath, as soon as she saw the girl.
“Shush!” Hanneli scolded her. “We mustn’t draw any attention to us. We’ll stay in the shadow waiting silently until we hear steps approach, understood?”
Mindel nodded, ashamed for her exuberance. Like everyone else she knew it was never a good idea to alert the SS, because as long as the children kept quiet, the SS usually left them alone.
Hanneli held her hand as they stood near the fence and waited. Once they heard steps approach and Mindel’s heart beat so fast she couldn’t hear anything but the rushing of blood in her ears. Hanneli held a finger in front of her lips and Mindel understood. She wouldn’t make a single sound.
The steps were loud and heavy – SS. Once they were gone, Mindel whispered, “Why have they put this straw in the fence? How are we supposed to see my sister?”
“The straw was put there because too many people were looking for friends and relatives in the other part. That’s why you can only talk to your sister, not see her.”
The explanation felt like a punch to her gut and Mindel had to hold back her tears. Why wouldn’t the SS guards want them to see their family? There were so many things she didn’t grasp. Nothing in this camp made sense to her, but since grown-ups tended to behave in a peculiar way, she’d always shrugged it away.
Mindel’s feet were getting numb standing motionless in the too-small shoes and icy cold crept up her legs, which she’d wrapped in sheets of old newspaper, held together by threads from a blanket. She gave a cursory glance at Hanneli, hoping the older girl would allow her to jump from one leg to the other, to get the blood circulating again. But Hanneli shook her head and put her finger over her lips again. Soft footsteps approached and then stopped.
“Hanneli, are you there?” a female voice asked from the other side of the fence.
Mindel couldn’t contain her excitement any longer and yelled, “Yes. Yes. Is Rachel with you?”
A silence ensued on the other side, until Hanneli said in a low voice, “Not so loud, Mindel.”
She pressed her hand over her mouth, anxious to do as she was told. But the words spoken next shattered all her resolve.
“It’s me. Anne. But Rachel couldn’t come. She’s been selected for a work detail.”
Mindel had no idea what that meant and wanted to ask a thousand questions, but Hanneli told her, “Keep silent. We’ll talk later.”
Then she and this other girl called Anne chatted for a while. Before they turned to leave, Anne called over the fence, “Hey, Mindel. Rachel always talked about your special friend. Who is this?”
Mindel withdrew her doll from inside her dress and held her up high, even though Anne wouldn’t be able to see her. “Paula, my doll. Rachel made her for me and she always called her my special friend.”
Hanneli wrapped an arm around her shoulder, “Now we know that it really is your sister.”
“But…” Mindel courageously held back her tears and wanted to tell Anne greetings for Rachel, but in this moment a vicious voice barked on the other side of the fence, “You! Get away from the fence. Fast!”
They heard shuffling feet, stomping footfalls and then nothing. Anne was gone.
“Don’t be sad,” Hanneli tried to console her. “We know your sister is alive, and that’s more than some others can say about their family.”
“But…why did they take her away?” Mindel cried, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I don’t know why any of this is happening, but hopefully she’ll be back soon. I’ll go and talk to Anne whenever I can, and as soon as your sister returns to the camp, she’ll let us know.”
Mindel was so sad. Devastated.
Despite Hanneli’s reassuring words she couldn’t see anything positive in what had just happened. She’d been so excited to talk to Rachel and now this!
Scuffing her feet, she returned to the orphans’ barracks, sneaking inside just when Mother Brinkmann closed the book and asked what Fluff’s newest adventure should be about. But not even Fluff could brighten her mood this night.
Much later, when she heard the heavy breathing of the sleeping children, she finally let her tears fall and cried herself to sleep.
The next day, Mother Brinkmann returned from running an errand in the middle of the day with a pair of shoes in her hands.
“Mindel, these are for you.”
Mindel looked at the brown, battered shoes that seemed to be at least double the size of her own.
“Try them on,” Mother Brinkmann urged her.
The shoes were way too big, and her heels slipped out with every step. Mindel giggled, “It feels like walking in Father’s rain boots.”
“They were the only ones we could get. Wait a moment.” Mother Brinkmann went to her secret stash of useful things and returned with two
