“The orders—”
“Yes,” she interrupted him sharply. “The orders. That’s what everyone was hiding behind in Nuremberg. Have you watched the newsreels? Rather entertaining. The whole song and dance.” Her tone was cutting, almost cruel, in its unconcealed disdain for the men she all knew personally.
Otto stilled himself in his chair so that even his breath could barely be heard. Why such hostility all of a sudden to the condemned men? They never showed her anything but kindness. She was everyone’s favorite child – Gerlinde Neumann, the Golden Girl. He was suddenly afraid of this stranger in his room.
“Gerlinde, you must understand, we had no choice…” He tried once again.
From her, a snort and a rather derisive one at that. “People refused to carry out orders. Nothing happened to them, according to what I’ve learned. You could have said no. You chose not to.”
His hands refused to cooperate, as Otto was trying to untangle the cigarette case from the lining of his pocket. He yanked it in a desperate gesture and heard the seams tear. “I only wanted what was best for you. For my family. I wanted to give you the good life—”
“What about the people in the camps? What about their lives?”
“But, Gerlinde, I didn’t put them there! It was an entirely different organization that was in charge of it—”
“Yes, and the chief of that very organization, during his trial, also claimed that he was as innocent as a baby and blamed everything on Himmler. Which is easy, since Himmler is dead. Reichsführer can’t die twice, so it’s convenient to hang it on him.”
Otto hadn’t anything to say to that. His gaze slowly turned toward the door.
In front of the window, Gerlinde was still contemplating the hustle and bustle of the train station. She looked pensive now, not as wrathful as before. Her fingers traced the contours of the flowers on the curtain. “I met someone after the war.”
“Erich something? From the Wehrmacht?” The change of the subject came as a great relief. With a shaking hand, Otto lit up his cigarette at last, even though only after a fourth attempt.
“No. I mean, yes but that was later.” She turned to face him. “His name is Tadek. He was in Auschwitz.”
Otto nodded not too convincingly, unsure of the reaction she’d expected from him.
“His entire family was murdered there.”
“That’s a shame.”
“Is it?”
“Of course, it is. Gerlinde, don’t you think I have a heart? I had to go there with the inspection team once and still have nightmares about the place.”
“What of the people who had to live there year after year, if they were lucky enough not to get gassed upon arrival? Oh yes. I forgot. You didn’t put them there, so it’s not your fault, legally speaking.”
“What do you want me to do, Gerlinde?” Otto cried, his entire body shaking.
She regarded him for one very long minute. “I want you to do the right thing, Vati.”
His hands turned to ice once again. “The right thing.”
“Yes. The right thing.”
“And what would that be?”
From Gerlinde, a shrug and a sigh. She seemed annoyed with his mock ignorance.
Once again, his eyes fastened with a cagey expression on the door. “They’re here, aren’t they? You brought them…”
Slowly, ever so slowly, Gerlinde shook her head. “I’m alone, Vati. It’s just me and you. I wanted to talk.”
A wave of relief washed over him. “The train shall arrive soon. We’ll talk for as long as you want in our compartment.”
In Gerlinde’s eyes, the pain of infinite disappointment flashed. “You still insist on running then.”
“But what else do you suggest I do?”
“Give yourself up to the authorities.”
He looked at her in stunned silence. “Are you mad? They’ll hang me like they’re about to hang all of those poor devils in Nuremberg!”
“Not if you’re as innocent as you claim.”
“They will hang me no matter what.”
“I doubt that.”
“Do you want me dead then? Your own father?”
“No. Of course I don’t. It will break my heart if it comes to that.”
“Why are you tormenting me then with all this nonsense?”
“Because, it will break my heart even more if you run once again, like a coward. You’re right about one thing, there’s nothing that you can do to bring those people back, to bring Tadek’s family back, to give him back his ruined adolescence. But you can do the right thing, acknowledge what you did and face the consequences, no matter how harsh they might be.”
“You can’t possibly mean that.”
“I can and I do.”
She wasn’t crying yet, but her eyes were swimming with unshed tears.
“And you can live with losing your only parent?” Otto barely heard himself saying.
“I know that I can’t live with losing my respect for him. And I’m this close to it.”
The tiny gap between her fingers made Otto break down at last. He walked over to her, pulled her toward himself and squeezed his eyes shut against the sharp line of her shoulder.
“I love you, Maus.”
“I love you too, Vati.”
“I thought I was doing what was best for you.”
“I know.”
“It was all wrong but too late to stop…”
“Yes.”
“I’m so sorry for everything.”
She held his face in her palms. Warmth radiated from them into his cheeks, seeping into his very heart that was bleeding to death in his chest.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated again and looked at the door, calmly this time, without angst or hostility. “They are there, aren’t they?”
Gerlinde turned to the door as well. This time, she decided to tell the truth. “I don’t know. Most likely. I promised Morris you’d give yourself up willingly. I imagine he still sent his people, in case you didn’t.”
“Von Rombach said they dropped the surveillance.”
“Von Rombach was mistaken. The Americans are watching the entire rat line, I suspect.”
“Why the suitcase then?”
“So you would let
