“This is just not my kind of place. I can’t really relate to any of these people. I don’t like rules. I don’t like people telling me what to do. I like drugs, I like hurting people, I like being bad.”
“Well, we can all relate to that.”
“I don’t want to live in the delusion that’s there’s good in this world.”
“You don’t think there is?”
“There is, I’m sure, but it will never outweigh the evil in this world and definitely not the evil in me.”
“I think you’re a good person, Dani, deep down.”
“Oh, see, you confuse me. You see, that’s what’s wrong. I am not a good person and I know this. Do I do good things? Yeah, I do, every once in a while. It makes people think I’m secretly a good person because they have no expectation from me to do anything good. A broken clock is still right twice a day, but me, I’m not good and I like it that way. The people who are good, who spend the majority of their day doing for other people, caring for other people, and taking care of other people, will only be judged by the moments they are not a good person. That good person will be deemed fake because they are not perfect. They will be defined by their rare mistakes. That’s why it’s so good to be bad. There is no expectation. You have nothing to lose. As a good person, your reputation can be stripped from you in an instant.”
“That actually makes complete sense,” Caleb replied.
“You seem like you’re good all the time though, so I wouldn’t worry about your reputation.”
“You really don’t like believers, huh?”
“I don’t mind. I just hate religion.”
“Well, I’m not religious. I’m a Christian.”
For a moment I thought there was some sort of earthquake occurring as my body began to shake. Then I saw it, the crimson. Red flooded my vision, my heart began to pound, and my hair stood on end. Then it took over. I crossed my sticks and flung them outward knocking both of Caleb’s out of his hands.
“Whoa, I wasn’t expecting that. That was pretty good. Dani, are you oka —” came an echo of Caleb’s voice through the red and black.
I took one step, planted one foot, and vaulted the other into Caleb’s chest. The intense force I used was only magnified by my shadow’s strength. Caleb’s feet left the ground as he flew back, smacking onto the mat hard. He rolled over and attempted to get on his feet, gripping his chest in pain. I grabbed him from behind and put him in a chokehold.
His life drained slowly into me, it was so sweet, so delicious and pure. He grabbed at my arm in an attempt to remove it. As soon as he touched it, it seared the flesh on his hands and he let go.
I felt him crouch and then felt my body become airborne as he flipped me over his back and my spine bounced off the floor. I turned to face him. He reached to his side and grabbed one of his fighting sticks.
“I’m sorry, Dani.”
He swung hard and the wooden stick was a dead on shot to my temple. Lights out.
“Oh, Danielle what have you done?”
I opened my eyes and brightness surrounded me. I adjusted to it and stretched my arms above my head, as comfort entangled me.
“What do you mean?” I asked Anarah, recognizing her voice at once. She stood at the side of my resting place, glancing down at me sadly.
“You’ve tampered with your soul in the mortal world.”
I sat up and dismissed her distraught mood. “You want to see something I learned?” I asked, and pointed to the side of the bed. She glanced over to a small end table that had manifested next to the bed with a fish bowl and a small beta fish swimming around.
“You’ve learned about transformation?” she asked with a hint of lightheartedness.
“I have,” I said with a smile, “Except that was supposed to be a goldfish. Still working on it.”
“What did you do to your soul?”
“Nothing, I’m just keeping the bad part in a safe place.”
“You are suffocating it,” she said, narrowing her deep green eyes.
“Anarah, I feel like you yell at me every time I’m here. How about if we start with a ‘Hey, how are you?’ I’m great. Thanks for asking.”
“This is not a joke, you are hurting a part of you and — “
“I will fix it when I can,” I said with frustration, “I just need it for now. One thing I also need is an answer from you.”
“If I have the answer to give, I will give it to you.”
“I need to know if someone has been removed from my mind.”
“I do not have that answer to give.”
“What does that mean? Do you know? Do you not know?”
“If you lose someone, I lose them as well. However, I do know or knew that something lingered here. However, not with the self of you that I see. It lies with your other half. I cannot access it at this time because you have it tied up somewhere.”
“Lingers how?”
“There was a feeling of almost. That moment before you remember something you had forgotten. That smell that takes you back to a time and place, but not a who or a why. A touch that you can almost feel, but not see.”
“That is what I am trying to find,” I said, dangling my legs over the end of the bed sadly, “I feel those things. I always assumed it was because I was damaged, but now I’m starting to think I lost something. That my mind erased it, but why? My grandmother mentioned intentionally removing people from her memory. I wonder if that’s what I have done. Maybe it’s not something that I’m supposed to look for. I want to resist my instinct to search it out, but the mere
