“This room doesn’t look too dangerous,” I said, looking over my shoulder.
“You‘re what’s dangerous,” Katia’s voice said. I jerked my head in her direction.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I can’t tell you, I must show you,” she said, lifting her hand towards my face.
I took a small step back and looked over at Franklin. “And after this I can go?”
“Yes, you’ll be free to go,” he said.
“Okay,” I said.
“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching for me.
As her hand touched my face, I was immediately transported to an alternate reality. A prophecy:
“Stop running from me”
Keys dropping to the asphalt.
“What are you doing here?”
A clamor of voices.
The blaring of sirens.
Explosions
“Danielle, stop!”
Silence.
Flung back into reality, Katia’s face close to mine, my mouth hung open. I shook my head from right to left. Franklin was right.
“I’m so sorry,” Katia said, her hand still touching my face.
“I. . . I can’t let that happen,” I said, traumatized by the vision, “I can’t let that happen!”
“You don’t have to. . .” Franklin said, his hand outstretched toward the wooden door. “Now is your time to choose.”
“There’s no choice to make. . . .” I said, empty. I felt that hope - that tiny seed of hope in myself - shrivel and turn to death. There was sadness and reluctance now- and yet acceptance swelled inside me. It was not my hatred for myself but love of something more that made up my mind.
I took a step toward the wooden door.
“Will they know why I chose what I chose?” I asked.
“They?” Franklin asked.
“My friends, my family,” I said.
“I don’t know,” Franklin said.
“I just. I don’t want them to lose hope. I don’t want them to think I gave up.”
Franklin stood there staring at me and said nothing. I began to walk toward the door. With every step I took I felt the overwhelming sense of loneliness. I wanted someone to walk with me, to hold my hand. I needed reassurance that I was making the right choice. Someone to let me lean on them as my legs shook with fear, or someone to carry me to the other side. The deflation between fighting for my life moments ago and obtaining this realization had left me feeling weak. I fought hard, didn’t I? I fought until my body broke, until my mind was too exhausted to challenge me any further because it saw my strength.
The narrowing hallway to the door began to glow as I advanced towards it. I saw a red glow forming in a ball of energy in front of the door. Out of the red glow formed a ravenous dog- my shadow. The side of my mouth curled with familiar comfort. The dog began transfiguring into the demon and it grew several feet high and then shifted into something new. It was more familiar than my reflection. It was myself I was seeing in a haze of red. Though it doubled me, my shadow seemed to tower over me with strength and disappointment, like it knew what I was going to do and even it was disgusted.
Although I was comforted by its presence, its demeanor unnerved me. It outstretched its right hand toward me. I uncurled my arm from the other and reached for it. As its hand touched mine, I felt the warmth inside of it.
It jerked me towards it and shoved its palm into my chest. As the impact hit me, red ignited against my chest and threw me back away from my shadow and the door. The force shook me and penetrated my core. I slammed my palms against the floor and pushed myself up, glaring at my shadow, who now stood, arms crossed, in front of the door.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I said to it.
It simply stood there, glaring down at me on the ground. I planted my foot in a ready position and stood up, advancing toward the door once more. My shadow took two steps toward me and planted its hands against the sides on the wall.
“You can’t stop me,” I said, shaking my head at it.
“Watch me,” it responded.
I darted toward my shadow. As I reached it, it wrapped both of its arms around my waist as I attempted to twist and turn to get past it. It handled me with ease, turned me away from it and planted its foot in my back as it kicked me away from the door.
“I need to do this!” I shouted with frustration, “Why would you try to stop me?”
“That’s my job.”
“What’s your job? To hurt people, to destroy the world, to destroy me? Well, if you want to do the honors, then go ahead. You can push me through the door yourself. I won’t let my fate become a reality.”
“You don’t get it,” it said, leaning down beside me, “I keep you alive, that’s what I do.”
“At what cost?” I asked.
It grabbed me by the back of my shirt and tossed me like a bag of trash, further away from the door.
“At whatever cost it takes!” it yelled.
“I’m not willing to pay that price. You saw what we’re going to do! I’m going to how can you live with yourself knowing that?”
I dug my hands, like claws, into the floor, trying to struggle away from my shadow. It wrapped its arm around my shoulder and neck, trying to drag me back away from the door. My arms were becoming weak against its strength.
“What do you want me to say, that it’s not going to happen? I can’t tell you that, but I know that your destiny is bigger than the catastrophe you’ve caused. This world will need you, need us.”
“I just want to give up, and for once, I know that it’s the right thing to do,” I said, as I
