“You had one conversation with my daughter and you think you know her better than I do?” Héctor was now seething, practically hissing the words across the table.
“No, but I am telling you what she said.” I turned my eyes to Tye, his face was contorted in despair. “Isabella went drinking for what was a ridiculous reason that could be solved so simply. Why won’t you be honest too? It seems as good as time as any to make it clear to your dad that you are never going into the family business.”
“How dare you –” Héctor jumped to his feet.
“Ivy – get out!” Tye snapped, pointing at the door.
The anger in his face was gut-wrenching. My stomach felt like it collapsed in on itself. No nausea. No little people embodying my nerves.
Just a black hole.
I ran from him. I sprinted up the stairs and packed my things as fast as possible before hurrying out of the door.
It was three in the morning, but no one made a move to stop me and neither did I make an argument to stay. I used maps on my phone to walk to the train station. It took an hour and a half to get there. By the time the train to Exeter arrived in the station, the sun had started to rise.
I knew it was wrong, what I said. It had not been my place, yet I couldn’t help myself.
It had to be said.
Chapter 16
If that blackhole were real, it would have consumed the whole of me. Those little people that once sat in my stomach, the embodiment of nerves, were sat at the very bottom of the hole. All throwing balls against the black walls, prisoner style.
Each day I was alone. Even Cara and Ellie were away, so I stood no chance of finding someone to talk to. Instead I was lumped with periodic shifting between the coffee shop, a computer screen for revision and necessary binge-watching tv. I think I forgot how to smile.
I was even nervous about messaging Cara and Ellie. They had undoubtedly heard from Leonora about our argument by now and I didn’t want to know what they thought. They would probably be just as miffed at me.
The only good thing was not having to see Kyle. I switched my hours at the coffee shop just in case he had taken note of them. I don’t know if he had, but he didn’t come in. Leaving me to wallow in misery by myself, but at least without fear.
I was well aware of how pitiful I looked. Part of me wanted to slap my reflection in the mirror – wake up! Yet I never could.
I didn’t just draw ladybugs on my hand anymore. I drew them everywhere. I literally mean… EVERYWHERE. All over my revision notes, on my mirror, across photographs pinned to my wall, further up my arm, on a customer’s coffee cup instead of their name. It was out of control. Instead of thinking in words, I thought in ladybugs. One spot, two spots, three spots, four…
I gave up trying to message Leonora. She never messaged back, even though I could see she had read them. I didn’t even bother attempting to message Tye.
I had seen his cocoa eyes. His handsome face set into such anger directed at me shook me to my very core. That black hole gaped further open. He detested me in that moment. He actually made me leave. All the talk he had given about not walking anywhere in the dark by yourself. Kind of showed how little his care suddenly amounted to when I walked across town to the station at three in the morning.
I know I was way across the line when I lashed out. So far past it that the line wasn’t real anymore, but I snapped. There was so much to hang onto, and I just wanted to make it all go away for Tye and Isabella. I wanted to wipe their troubled path clean. Instead, I’d only cast more rubble onto it.
I wanted to be back in that bed with Tye, our hands entwined and talking of happy things. My stomach ached with the memory.
Only one thing gave me any comfort. Isabella was okay. It must have hurt when I made her throw up. I had gone through the training for it, determined that if it ever happened again, I would know what to do. Strangely, I had never actually expected to use it. At least she was okay.
I ignored every call my dad made.
My mum called a couple of times too on video chat, and I was determined to put on a brave face for her. She actually looked happy – that was too good a moment to dispel. During the second call she said I looked sad, but I lied and said I was just tired, had a rough night’s sleep. Well, I had woken up every night that week dreaming about Rosie.
Rosie.
I just wanted to see her again. Talk to her again.
The blackhole in my stomach opened wide.
As the end of the first week neared, I picked myself up and went to the self-defence class. Partly because I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that Leonora was right about the class, and partly just to think of something else.
It didn’t work. I walked into the class to see I was the only one who had turned up. Everyone else was at home or on holiday somewhere. This meant it was just me and the instructor, Blake. He was a tall man, in his forties, had done military service so certainly knew how to handle
