I was the one who brought our stuff in, and I was the one who laid out our sleeping bags because Dan would not let go of his kid and who could blame him?
And if I felt a little jealous that he was getting to hold his kid and I wasn’t, well, that was understandable, right?
It wasn’t until the storm stopped and the snow began melting that I realized what Dan’s reunion with Owen meant.
“I’m not going,” Dan said a few weeks later. “I’m sorry, but I’m not taking Owen out in that again. Not ever, not if I can help it.”
I supposed I should have expected this answer, but I hadn’t. He’d been with me so long, since the beginning practically. How could I make it the rest of the way without him? “Okay,” I said, not sure what else I could say. I wanted to beg him to come but I understood why he didn’t want to. It was dangerous out there. Out there, people died. Out there sucked.
He went on about how important it was for him to keep Owen safe until he finally noticed my face. “Aw god, Dee. I’m sorry. No, I really am. If it was just me—”
“Stop. You don’t have to say it. I’d feel the same way if our roles were reversed. It’s okay.”
He nodded, but looked troubled, and it took Owen a few tries before he caught his dad’s attention again and was off to the races about the tanks he’d read about in a book one of the survivors in the diner had given him.
The old man who’d let us in the first night we arrived was named Bill. Bill was dead set against me leaving them and said as much. “I told your wife it was dangerous out there. If she’d listened to me, she would have been here when you arrived. Think of the reunion that would have made.” He sighed, shaking his head. “You sure I can’t change your mind? We could use you here. We’re planning to get supplies from the store. The more of us there are, the better off we’ll be.”
“No,” I said, “I can’t. Same reason as Lana. I need to get to our boys. And that’s where I’ll find her.” If she makes it, an evil part of me whispered. I ignored it as best I could. “Thank you, though. It means a lot you took them in when they needed help.”
“Of course,” he said.
When it was time for me to go again, when the roads had cleared enough I thought I could make it a few more miles down the road at least, Dan helped me load the truck. “You be safe out there, Dee. You hear me?”
I nodded, grateful for everything he’d done to help get me this far. “You too. I’m glad you found Owen.”
“I’m glad Lana got him here safely. I’m not sure what I would have done …” He stopped, unable to continue.
I gave him a hug, then got into the truck, feeling very lonely in it all by myself. What would I do if I got stuck on the road in the snow? What if I got caught in a mob? Alone, I was way more vulnerable, but I couldn’t stay here, not when I knew Lana was out there somewhere.
I looked back once and saw Dan standing in the door. He waved and then disappeared inside. I didn’t look back again.
45
Now
Once they get out to the highway and away from the city, it’s easier going. The roads are clearer than Dee expected and so they’re able to hit speeds of forty miles per hour for half-mile stretches at a time. They don’t go too fast because they’re seasoned survivors of the apocalypse and know the world is just waiting around the corner to fuck them up.
Dee is driving, her eyes constantly swinging back and forth across the landscape, looking for dangers, looking for them. Her neck will be sore when the driving is over, but she’s hoping she’ll be in her boys’ arms when that comes. If she is, any lingering neck pain will be forgotten.
Soon, boys. I’ll be there soon.
She wishes she dares believe Lana will be there too, but she can’t let herself think it. If that hope grows inside her now, she isn’t sure what will happen to her sanity if things go wrong. And they always go wrong, don’t they?
Alex starts singing Take Me Home, Country Roads, and although they are as far away from the country as they can be, the rest of them sing along, the mood merrier than it’s ever been. Dee finds herself growing more excited as they go, switching her time between the road and the odometer. Thirty miles to go, then twenty.
“What is that?” Gloria asks as Dee slows the SUV.
Someone has pushed or driven cars across the road to create a barrier. The cars butt up against a building on one side and disappear into the trees on the other.
“Shit. What do we do now?”
Dee shakes her head. “How do we get around this, Peter?” He has the map and he shakes it out, muttering as he does.
“Looks like it’s either backtrack to Golden Road or take Clear Lake North around the lake.”
“Which way is shorter?”
He snorts. “About the same. Maybe Clear Lake, though I’m sure it’s a smaller road. If we run into a mob …” He doesn’t have to finish that. They all know what will happen. “Your choice, Dee.”
Great.
“Let’s take the lake road and hope there weren’t a lot of people on the lake when things went to hell.”
The road is pretty, the view breathtaking. They can see Mt Rainier in the distance and Dee idly wonders if
