I’d never seen people get into their uniforms so quickly. For the first time, Nehemiah didn’t look like a young adult fresh out of high school. His face was set in determination. Nobody was nagging Benji the way everyone often did. The mood of the place flipped. In less than a minute, everyone was suited up and loaded into the truck, which raced out of the station. Ethan watched after it until it was out of view. “Why did you stay behind?” I asked, clearing all the half full bowls. Benji’s was the only empty one.
He walked back toward the table. “They need someone to watch the shop while they’re gone. If we get another call, I need to direct them.”
I nodded. We worked together to get everything cleaned up, and I left the remainder of the pasta on the back of the stove for when everyone got back. “Why you?” I asked.
I wondered briefly if it was because of his fear of fires that Sylvia mentioned. But if he was afraid of fires, why would they allow him to continue his role as a fireman? “It’s my turn. Everyone takes turns on tasks.”
I kept my mouth shut as we finished cleaning. Derrick entertained himself with the TV in the break room. It was still early enough that the shows hadn’t transitioned to adult content yet, so I kept an eye on the time and made my way back into the shop with Ethan. We each lifted a corner of the table and leaned it against the wall, stacking the chairs in front of it neatly.
“It’s really nice what you’re doing here,” Ethan said, tucking his hands into his oversized pockets.
Did I want to be bold? Did I want to simply thank him for his compliment and go home? “It gives me an excuse to get to know you again.” Bold it was.
He looked slightly taken aback. “So that’s the goal? Get to know me, and then what?” he asked.
I shrugged. “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”
He nodded and took a step closer, hands still tucked into his pockets. The scent of him blanketed my senses. He had never made me feel anything but safe and comfortable. Whatever soap he used clung to his skin and wafted off him. “Maybe you should,” he proposed.
He took a step closer. We were face-to-face, and I didn’t know what to say back to him. His presence was overwhelming, and he looked at me like I meant something to him. His brown eyes bore into mine with an intensity that I hadn’t experienced since Bruce. A strand of his black hair fell over his forehead, and I clutched the hem of my shirt to keep from pushing it away from his face. It was hard not to imagine what we could have been had I stayed in Brunswick.
I physically reacted to him in a way I never had with anyone else. It hurt my heart to admit that he’d always been able to easily affect my feelings. “I should what?” I finally asked.
He didn’t miss a beat. “Go on a date with me.”
The only thing running through my mind was Bruce.
“I can’t do that,” I told him. He looked confused, but I didn’t elaborate. It was too soon to look at another man the way I used to admire Bruce.
“You don’t feel anything for me? Your feelings went away that easily?” he asked.
“Of course, I feel for you,” I said, flinging my arms to my sides and exposing myself. “I’ve never stopped feeling for you, but it’s not healthy to put two damaged people together. I can’t be with someone who is just as damaged as I am. It feels too soon to be with any person, especially the one I almost gave up everything for.”
His entire expression dropped. “Damaged,” he repeated. “That’s how you see me?”
I sighed. “I see the man I loved all those years ago, but with a lot more weighing him down. I see you struggling to stand up straight because of all the weight on your shoulders. I see you hiding your scars from the entire world, afraid that you’ll scare people away.” I looked him deep in the eyes and closed the distance between us, grabbing the front of his shirt. “I see you. And I see myself, too. Putting together our pain will hurt both of us more than help either of us.”
He shook his head and wrapped his arm around my back, caging me into his chest. “I can prove that you’re wrong.”
“But you can’t. Maybe when we both heal…”
He shook his head. “I waited last time, and you came back married to another man. I’m not going wait again, especially not when I finally have you back.”
I moved my hands up his chest and tangled my fingers in the fabric there. I rested my forehead on his chest as he held me in his arms. “It’s not right.”
“It is right. It’s always been right,” he said.
I looked up at him—at the vulnerable, wide-open expression—and didn’t have the heart to turn him down again. Ethan was never anything but a great friend and wonderful man. I missed him. He stood in the fire station and held me. I wondered if he would eventually reach forward and kiss me, but he never did. Ethan was more than I deserved. I felt warm and loved.
Pattering feet rushed down the hall and toward the main garage before Derrick appeared. Ethan released me but kept one arm around my waist. “What is it, bud?” he asked Derrick.
“The cartoons are over,” he said, marching to stand directly between us.
I smiled down at him. “What do you want to do?” I asked.
He shrugged and clung to Ethan.
