“What were you doing before that happened, were you in college?”
I nod. He says, “I’m really glad that you called me tonight,”
I hold on to him. “I’m really glad you came. I can’t tell you how good it is to see you. Men like Jake, they kind of leave you thinking the world is full of bad people. But you, Christian, you are good people.”
He holds me tight and I feel so safe.
“No, Jessica. Here with you, in this moment, I can be good. But nobody would look at my life and call me a good man.”
Chapter 11 Christian
Of course, she got away this morning before I woke. It was all a huge mistake. Or if it wasn’t a mistake, it was a one off. Either way, she doesn’t want to have to hang around explaining herself to me.
And there’s no reason she should.
She can do better than me. She deserves better than me. She needs better than me. She needs a man with money, a position in the world and a future. She should be able to get back to her education. It may kill me but I have to keep away from her.
That doesn’t mean I can’t protect her, though.
The afternoon is tough, when she shows up at Lil’ Blossoms for Mimi. But I’m braced. It’s no worse than I deserve. I’m still the luckiest guy alive to have spent that golden night and given her some pleasure.
Chapter 12 Jessica
I spend the whole day with the chef on my ass—I swear, he would corner me in the larder if I gave him half a chance. What I wouldn’t give for just this one day off work right now. Last night was so insanely magical. But I know he’ll never come back. What man would want to walk into a train wreck my life is—I should’ve just kept to the sex.
I know all too well he can do better for that too. For that, especially for certain. He can have all the beautiful women he wants. The way the moms at Lil’ Blossoms hang around him. Even Karen touches her neck and her hair, flicks and pulls on her skirt when she looks at him.
Still, like a silly teenager, my heart’s jumping to be seeing him later when I pick Mimi up.
At the end of a shitty day, the chef making me feel every kind of all-round terrible, I make an awful mistake. I leave the restaurant in so much of a hurry, I don’t even change out of my uniform.
I go to pick up Mimi and I’m still wearing it. Christian is there. He beams when he sees me. He is so nice.
Then, across the street, I see Jake, leaning against a wall.
I realize immediately. I grab Mimi. She doesn’t want to leave. She wants to stay. She wants me to talk to Christian. So I have to pull her and I hate it.
I run to the car and as I’m driving away I can hardly see, my face is raining so hard.
He’s seen my uniform. Now he knows where I work.
Chapter 13 Christian
I call Crane. “You made an offer, Crane.”
“Anything, good buddy. Tell me what you need.”
I arrive early for the meet. The cop has picked a basement bar called Cheers. While I’m waiting for McCleary, who is late, I realize that Cheers seems to cater exclusively to men of the local PD.
There may be a few women cops here but I haven’t seen them. The dancers who are all girls and mostly undressed might not be a huge appeal for them. This is really not my kind of place. There’s nothing I can do but wait it out though.
When McCleary finally waddles and wades between the tables to my place in the corner, he’s a cop who’s got to know a few too many doughnuts. His ruddy complexion and hooded eyes come with a thin smile that instinctively puts me on my guard.
He sits, with his hands on the table top. He’s clearly waiting for me to buy drinks. I ask him what he wants, “Rye whiskey,” he says like asked him what he’d prefer to breathe, “with a chaser.”
The barman comes to take the order, and McCleary is watching me.
He doesn’t let the barkeep. “Wait, Andrew,” holding his eyes on mine.
“What are you going to be drinking, Christian?”
That’s two things I’d rather he hadn’t done. The first is to mention my name and I know he didn’t do that by accident. The other, obviously, is pressuring me to drink. I can do it, but only at a price. I’ll have the shakes for several days, fever, cold sweats. Fuck knows what else to go with it.
In the Corps, there were a few junkies on the squad. I didn’t judge them, The situations we faced out there, I don’t blame anybody for finding a hideout at the end of the day. What they went through to kick it, that’s what I got getting sober.
But there’s no easy way. The choice is always, go through that, or go back into the bottle and stay there. No way am I doing that.
I hate this cop trying to intimidate me, using my own weakness against me. Not such an unusual tactic for a cop, though.
“I’ll have a beer.” I can’t read the look on the barkeep’s face, but I’m in a cop bar, so I’m not counting on anyone to be on my side.
McCleary takes his sweet fucking time over the beer, then waits for me to buy him another. When he finally gets to the meat of it, it’s all about what I’m going to do for him. I’m raging inside. I want to grab him by the throat, haul him up in front of
