“She’s adorable. I love her.” I followed him into the spotless kitchen.
“Thanks.” Jake pulled a bakery box from the fridge. “Maybe I’m biased, but she’s amazing.”
I moved closer, peering inside as he selected dessert plates from the open shelf above the counter.
“Tiramisu? Did you get it from that amazing bakery on Water Street?” I searched the box for the curly old-style lettering etched into the simple black label. “Oh, I’m in heaven. I’ve missed that place.”
Jake reached for two glasses and a large bottle of chocolate ale. “I couldn’t find our brand, but this one’s better.”
“Wouldn’t be hard.” I laughed. Once a month, we’d scrounged coins from the change jar on our dresser to buy one portion of the decadent dessert and a single dark ale. No matter the weather, we’d sit on the same waterfront bench, sharing our treat straight from the box with cheap plastic forks.
“We were broke university students.” He handed me a slice and portioned the ale into two glasses. “Let’s sit in the living room.”
Once there, I found my perch on the sofa and took a small sip of ale and a tiny bite, keeping my gaze focussed downward. The only sounds were the occasional rattles of silver forks against stoneware.
Jake set aside his empty plate. “Why so tense?”
“I’m not.”
“You’re never this quiet. Isn’t it as good as you remember?”
“It was delicious.”
He took my plate from my trembling fingers. “You’re edgy, ready to bolt. Why? I’m not expecting anything to happen.”
“Nothing could.” I glanced at the photo on the end table. “Not here.”
“Not here, why?” He tucked a finger under my chin. “What’s got you spooked?”
Now I had nowhere to hide, and surely he read the conflicting emotions consuming me. “You took off the ring, but your house is a time-warp mirage of a happy little family. It’s full of mixed signals, like you want something but have no idea what that is. Nothing’s changed, Jake. You’re nowhere ready, and I’m exactly what I never wanted to be. Your rebound girl.”
“You’re wrong.” He caught me hand, but I yanked away.
“Don’t. Just … no.”
He rose and paced, back and forth, back and forth, occasionally glancing at me before finally halting with one hand resting on the mantel. “Sari never bonded with her mother,” he said in a low voice. “There has to be some connection for her. I can’t pretend Alysa never existed.”
“Of course not, but this room is overwhelming, full of her, leaving no space for anyone else.” My cheeks burned. “I should go.” I crossed to the front door and slid on my ankle boots and coat. “Dinner was lovely. Thank you.”
“Amara, wait.”
“Goodbye, Jake.” Snatching up my purse, I bolted through the door, refusing to look back.
I crept into the foggy November morning, still bleary-eyed from a night of tossing and turning. I trotted down the stairs and began a slow jog toward the local park a block down. Once I was safely out of sight of the house, I performed my stretching routine.
After leaving Jake’s house, I’d driven around town, stalling until I was sure Dean and Dara would be tucked into bed. Sorting out my feelings would take time, and discussing what I’d found last night, no matter how astute Dara was with advice, was not something I relished. Besides, I already knew what she’d say.
Tucking my earbuds in and cranking my playlist, I sank into an easy stride, feet pounding on the pavement. What would Jake be doing? Did he sleep last night? Scenarios raced through my brain, and I picked up the pace, pushing myself harder, faster, sweeping a trickle of perspiration from my brow.
What about Sarina? Did my presence confuse her? As I sped down the path, another inevitable thought invaded. She’s not even two, dummy. In two days, she’ll forget you. I veered sharply right, heading toward the waterfront, a flock of startled seabirds fluttering and squawking as they took flight.
Now, if only these brewing thoughts would disappear. Easier said than done when with each stride my brain circled round and round, my thoughts churning the same way as the waves in the harbour. Inconvenient, this thing called love. Completely unsettling, all thanks to a series of serious misjudgements.
I levelled up to a full sprint, forcing my concentration to good form, measuring each breath as the chill air rasped down my throat, racing into the eerie glow created by a feeble sun fighting through fog.
Finally, I slowed, sucking for air as I halted and hunched with my hands braced against my thighs. Time head back to the house and face my hosts. I’d live up to my commitment, deal with the entwining of my world with Jake’s, but I could avoid him, most of the time. Couldn’t I?
I straightened and stretched my arms toward the greyish skies, cherishing the numb tingle of my skin in the ocean breeze, then turned back.
In some ways, I missed this tiny city perched on the edge of the mighty Atlantic. At one time, I’d planned to live here forever. Yet I also loved the West Coast, with its numerous parks, mild weather, and breathtaking vistas.
Maybe it was just the man fuelling my yearning for my former home province. Yeah. No denying that sad truth.
The last part of my run, I slowed, delaying, yet resigned to reaching my destination. At the sight the illuminated white wire reindeer on the lawn, my will faltered, and I stopped, staring long and hard at the massive white door tucked under the brick archway. My friends were living their dreams while I navigated my nightmares.
After several long breaths, I trudged up the steps and into the house, slipping off my shoes and setting them on the rack. I tugged my earbuds free and tucked them into my pocket. “Dara? Dean?”
Huh. Maybe the lovebirds were still upstairs. I tiptoed down the hall into the kitchen, heading straight for the glasses. “Ah!” I clutched my chest as a figure rose
