My heart stutters.
I feel like I’m looking at the world through a kaleidoscope. Nothing makes sense. It’s all upside down, twisting around me in a million different colors.
My father cares about me. My sister is grown. Sawyer thinks I’m wrong to push Rae away. Rae is leaving her old life to come up here forever.
And me?
I’m stewing in my own sense of superiority. I’m clinging onto my anger like a life raft, letting it take me out onto a stormy sea.
My father stands before me, and all of a sudden, I’m sick of fighting. I’m sick of being angry. I’m sick of pushing people away, when I know it’s only hurting me more.
Dropping my head to my chest, I try to contain a sob that threatens to erupt out of me.
I’ve been patching my walls with crumbling, old mortar, and it’s all starting to fall apart. It takes so much fucking energy to stay mad at everyone.
Am I supposed to be mad at Sarah for talking to our dad? Am I supposed to be mad at Sawyer for thinking his sister is a good person?
My father’s arms wrap around me, and I collapse in his arms. I’m done fighting. He pulls me close, hugging me to his chest as my whole identity starts to shatter.
My father pulls back, keeping his hands on my upper arms. “Go to her, Benji,” he whispers. “Tell her how you feel. Trust me. It’s worth fighting for.”
That’s three people who have told me that. Harold, Sarah, and now my father. Even Sawyer told me I was wrong about Rae.
How many people do I have to ignore for the sake of my pride? Will I really throw out the only relationship I’ve really cared about to save my own ego?
It’s not about the party. It’s not about money. It’s not about anything except my own fear of being left behind. Everyone I’ve loved has left me at some point, and I don’t want it to happen with Rae.
But she’s not leaving. She’s cutting her ties to her old life to come back here, even though she thinks I’ll never forgive her. My heart compresses and I inhale, squeezing my eyes shut.
“Go to her,” my father repeats. “Please, Benji. Learn from my mistakes.”
I lift my gaze to meet his eyes, and for the first time since I was a child, I see my father as a person. A real person, and not an evil incarnation. He has flaws. Strengths. Likes and dislikes.
Just like Sarah. And me. And Rae.
“I have to go,” I say, reaching out to squeeze my father’s shoulder. I dip my chin in a slight nod, and my father’s shoulders relax.
In that moment, on my sister’s front lawn, my whole life changes.
I choose forgiveness. I choose to let go.
I take all my anger toward my father, and I let it float away like a helium-filled balloon. I open my heart up to the possibility of love.
Then, I get in my car and speed toward my house, knowing I’ll be getting on the next flight to Houston.
32
Rae
My parents don’t take my resignation very well. They refuse it first, and I have to sit down with the lawyer for four full hours to sort through the paperwork. Still, at the end of it all, they won’t take the house back. Something about paying tax and owning property while living overseas. I don’t understand it completely.
So, they don’t take the house back, but they do let me quit the board. After long hours negotiating with the lawyer, I finally give in. Anything to get me out of here.
As I sit in his office, surrounded by leather-bound tomes and diplomas hanging on every available wall, I feel very small.
This is all that’s left of my relationship with my parents. A hostile lawyer’s office and a mound of paperwork.
The ache inside me feels a lot like grief. Loss. A final goodbye.
And my parents aren’t even here.
But as I sign the final paper and leave the office—with not so much as a phone call from my parents, mind you—I feel lighter.
Sawyer was right when he said I was naive. He was right to tell me to cut this part of my life away. He was right to tell me to come back to Woodvale and start fresh. I get to choose who my family is and surround myself with people who care. I get to pursue my dreams and start my own business. I don’t have to stay tied down to this place, or to people who will never truly care about me.
There’s still a bigger loss in my life, though. The thought of going back there without being with Benji makes my heart ache. Will it change anything, that I’ve quit the board? Will he ever see past the wealth I came from?
I’m not sure.
I wasn’t even able to transfer the house back to my parents. He’ll probably take one look at that and dismiss me with the wave of a hand.
But it’s worth a try, isn’t it?
It’s strange to come to the end of this whole endeavor. I’ve tried so hard to bring my family back together. Failed and succeeded. Even though I know I’m better off with Sawyer and Lucy, it still feels wrong to give up on my parents.
Naive? Maybe. But true.
Family is what propelled me forward for the past three and a half years. Family has always been at the forefront of my mind.
The only time I wasn’t thinking about it was when I was with Benji. Then, I dared to think about myself—and where did that get me?
Right smack in the middle of Heartbreak City.
I take a taxi back to the mansion that my parents won’t take back, heading through the wrought-iron gates and around the fountain in the front. I pay the taxi driver and
