“I feel things,” Rowan whispers in my ear. “Things I’m not sure I should. It’s way too soon, and they’re way too scary.”
“I feel them too.” I stroke back a strand of hair and kiss her temple.
“Are you sure it’s not just testosterone?”
I grin against her hairline. “It might be a little more than that.”
“I’m scared too.” Rowan’s leg locks around my waist. Her heels dig into my upper thigh, and I nearly see stars.
“I know.”
“Not about this. Not really.”
“I know.”
Both her hands twine around my neck, and our mouths meet furiously. I ease into her slowly. She’s so tight, and I’m not small, as she alluded to. We fit together this way too. Like we were made for each other. She’s heaven—glorious, amazing heaven. I have to stay still inside of her because I’m afraid a single thrust might be the end of me. She’s tight and warm, and I can already feel her clenching all around me.
When her hips wiggle beneath me just a little, I tuck my hand under her, lifting her away from the cold ground. She gasps as I start to move, thrusting as gently as I can. I pretty much see stars already, but somehow, I manage to bend my head and take her nipple into my mouth. She shudders below me, her pussy clenching even harder around my dick, which is bad news for me.
I’m so ready to come. All I can do is lift my head and let the stars play out behind my closed eyes. I bring my hand between us and find her clit, circling it gently while I thrust into her a little faster. Harder. Long, even strokes. Her breathing becomes raspy, and her hips buck below me. Her heel grinds a trench into my thigh while her entire body shudders. I keep circling her bud until I feel the first few ripples of her orgasm coming on. I thrust harder, picking up the tempo, and thankfully, she finally bursts below me. I didn’t know how much longer I could hold off.
Rowan comes hard, and her whole body jerks off the ground below me. She doesn’t make a sound, but her nails dig in hard at my shoulder, and her breathy little moans are somehow sexier than if she’d let loose with a whole volley of screams.
I figure she’s near the end of her climax, so I finally let go. I watch her, her head thrown back, her throat muscles straining, her lips working silently. I watch until I can’t anymore because when I come, there’s no way I can see anything but blinding white light. I come hard, and after, I nearly collapse right on top of her. I manage to roll off to the side, right onto the cold, dusty barn floorboards.
“That was amazing,” Rowan purrs as she curls into me.
“I can definitely up my game. Next time I’ll make sure it’s more romantic than this.”
“Romantic?” Rowan giggles. “I think this might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever done.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Really.”
Rowan’s arms circle my neck again, and she presses herself firmly against me. Amazingly enough, she doesn’t seem like she’s in any hurry to leave. Neither am I. This moment is absolutely, amazingly, incredible. For once, I’m not worrying about how this won’t work out down the road. I’m not questioning the point of doing this at all. I’m not questioning anything. I’m just letting myself be here. Right here. Right now. With Rowan.
And it’s pretty damn near perfect.
CHAPTER 14
Rowan
I quit my job.
I couldn’t see any other way around it. It’s not like I could explain why I couldn’t send Cliff another dating profile, at least in good conscience. I also couldn’t say it was likely we’d get a good review from both Cliff and his mom. My boss wouldn’t understand. It’s only been a day, and I’m not sure I understand.
I just know that on Sunday morning, I woke up and felt different. Not just physically different—though I was sore in a lot of really nice spots in really nice ways—but really different. The past few weeks were an accumulation of realizations that I knew, as soon as I woke up, that I couldn’t keep doing this. Janice was right. There are other things out there. This job wasn’t even what I really wanted to do. I did take it because the pay was alright, and they were willing to hire me. I clung to it when I had nothing else, and I let it give me meaning and define who I was when I was lost. It’s been the one constant that saw me through a lot of change, but I felt like I could finally let it go.
Now that I’m walking down the sidewalk with a duffel bag of my stuff, because I didn’t have a box, I feel a surge of hope flood through me. It’s gorgeous out. The sky is blue, and the sun is already warm, shining down full force, even at nine in the morning. I feel lighter. Like I could float right up into the sky and join the sun up there. I feel good. I feel happy.
When I reach my car, I throw the duffel bag in the back seat and slide in behind the wheel. I just sit there though, staring out the windshield, seeing nothing at all.
Finally, I dig for my phone and send Cliff a text.
Rowan: I quit my job today. No, it’s not because of you. Don’t worry. This is a good thing. It’s been a long
