“I’m surprised you came by. You didn’t call.”
“No.”
I stand there in the middle of the kitchen, which is completely closed off in a small square because my parents bought their house around the same time they had Janice, and they never did very many renovations, at least not when it came to opening up walls and stuff. I feel completely lost. I don’t want to twist my hands in front of me, because Mom would notice that right away, so instead I settle for rubbing my damp palms on my leggings.
“Uh, should I have? I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Mom turns around and smiles softly at me. “I’m glad you’re here. We don’t see enough of you lately.” By lately, she really means over the past six years or so, but I don’t comment on that. “You know you’re always welcome here, don’t you, Rowan?” Mom’s voice is even lower, even softer.
Suddenly, my eyes are tearing up, and I have to blink hard. No, I didn’t know it. I mean, I did know it, but my parents have never really said it to me before. I want to ask her why. Why now? Why tonight? But I don’t. I just nod and focus on blinking back the tears that are welling up pretty furiously. My chest hurts. My everything hurts.
“I have something I wanted to tell you, actually.” I have to force the words out. My throat is so dry that I seriously think about dodging past my mom, grabbing a glass out of the cupboard, and filling it with water so I can down it in a single gulp.
Mom whirls, horror already filling her expression.
“Oh, no, it’s nothing bad,” I assure her. “I guess, I mean, it sounds bad, but it really isn’t. It’s actually a good thing. I know it might worry you, but I’m fine. I want you to know that.”
“Rowan!” Mom stalks forward and grips my shoulders like she’s going to either shake me or slam me into her for one of those smothering mom hugs she’s famous for. “What’s wrong?! Are you sick?”
“Mom, no.” I laugh haltingly. “No. I just wanted to tell you that I decided to quit my job. It was time. I wanted to do something different, and I needed a shove. I wasn’t happy there anymore—kind of. At least, I think I could be happier. There are other things I want to experience. I know you and Dad have been at your jobs forever, and you worry about me, but I’m going to be fine. I’ll find something else.”
Mom’s eyes nearly pop right out of her head. In another second, I’m going to have to pick them off the floor for her, and I really don’t want to, no matter how clean my mom keeps the house.
“You mean you didn’t have something lined up already?”
I gulp. “It was kind of a spur of the moment decision.”
“But you weren’t happy?”
“I don’t know. It’s a long story. My boss has been a jerk for quite a while, and there were just other things I wanted to do. I realized I wasn’t happy, but I kind of just opened my eyes to that, and things happened fast after that. My boss was threatening to fire me, so I quit first since there was no way I could have saved my job anyway.”
“But—but you worked there for a long time. You were good at it!”
“I know.” I shrug like it doesn’t sting. I can’t explain why those barbs go so deep. It’s not like I can tell Mom all about my one-night stand in a freaking barn, and Cliff’s subsequent ghosting. I did tell Janice, and I have no desire to go over it again. “But it’s okay. I’ve actually been thinking about taking some night classes—for business and marketing. I want to open up my own store. Selling vintage and retro clothing and small items. Just online for now, but I’d eventually like to have something concrete if I could make it work.”
“But you’re looking for something real? A real job?”
“Yes, Mom,” I sigh. “I have to. I have no way of paying for classes otherwise. And rent and all that.”
Mom’s eyes widen and moisten all at once.
“Mom, no! Don’t do that. Don’t cry. I’ll get it figured out. I’ve already applied to some places, and I have a big list of places to email resumes too. I have some savings. Just don’t worry. I’ll get another job. I’ll be fine.”
I actually mean that. Despite what happened with Cliff, I’m determined to be positive. I might have taken a chance and gotten burned big time, and yeah, burns hurt, and no, I don’t have a job, but I’m surprisingly happy considering all of that. There are other jobs. I’m going to start this new business, and it’s something I’m passionate about. My heart? The same heart that feels like it’s full of thorns and splinters and nasty stuff? Maybe it will heal with time. I have to hope so. I don’t know what else I can do. Maybe it will be fine one day too.
“Fine?” Mom sniffs. “Fine? Why wouldn’t you come to us? We could have helped you. Helped find you something or—you know that we can help you with college classes. That we want to help you.”
“I know.” Actually, I didn’t.
I thought college classes were off the table since I didn’t go right after I graduated like Janice did. I moved out shortly after I met Calvin. After just three months of dating, I moved into his apartment with him. I didn’t actually have one of
