“And you could have said to contact me about your dates or any other matter.”
“She would have seen through it. She always does. She would have asked me what was going on, and I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to answer.”
“Because you’re ashamed of me? Or maybe because you wish none of this had ever happened?”
“No!” I have to take a step back; I’m so surprised. I let go of the button completely, but the speaker crackles as Rowan’s voice drifts over it.
“It’s alright. If you just want a one-time deal, you can tell me. I just wish you would have told me ahead of time instead of suckering me in by telling me all that deeply personal stuff. I would also say you could have been making it up to get what you want, but I know it’s probably not true because I could tell you were genuine. I think so. Maybe not. I don’t know. Maybe I don’t know anything. Maybe the regret came after for you.”
I don’t know what I could possibly say to convince her otherwise. She seems pretty determined to think what she wants and, although my relationship experience is admittedly pretty limited, I am old enough to realize that when people get angry, they tend to stay angry and not see sense until they cool off.
“Anyway, why would you be interested in me? We’re not in the same income bracket. We probably don’t have anything in common. There’s an age gap. You live in a nice house. I live in a crappy apartment. You drive a brand-new car. Mine is ready for scrap. I like to do things like shop for vintage clothes, thrift, and go to garage sales. You probably shop at high-end stores. The highlight of my day is generally seeing how my cactus blossoms are coming along. I have almost no friends, so I like to play board games. On my phone. By myself. Against the computer. The most fun I’ve had in a really long time was seeing that old barn with you. I’m boring. I’m not even fun.”
I have to hit the button again. “Are you done listing your faults? Because if you are and you still refuse to listen to me when I tell you that I think your vintage finds are gorgeous, at least on you, and your style is unique, and cactuses are cool, and board games are awesome, and I have a ton of friends, but I still play them by myself, against the computer, then I’m going to have to ask if you’re willing to come out here. It’s not too late to go for ice cream. Or a drive. Or a walk. The point is, I’m here. I want to take you out. I never said I wouldn’t make a shitpile of mistakes or do stupid things or panic and not think to check my emails, but I am telling you that I’m here. I’m here, and if you need time to process, I’m okay with that. If you want me to leave now because you’re angry, and you need time to deal with it, I’ll leave. But I will come back. If you want me to.”
The speaker doesn’t make a sound—no static. No crackles. Just silence. I resist the temptation to hit the button again and start begging. A minute ticks by. I glance behind me just to check and make sure there’s no crowd gathered on the sidewalk witnessing this. I have to say, if I was standing there, I might be tempted to pull up a chair, break out the popcorn, and enjoy the show.
When the speaker crackles again, I nearly jump out of my skin. “What kind of board games?” Rowan asks.
I can’t help it. I break into the silliest grin I think I’ve ever grinned in my life. I hit the button. “Uh, anything. Strategy. Classics. Card games. I’m secretly a huge nerd.”
“Well, we might have something in common, after all.”
“Don’t forget the cactuses. I like those too. I don’t have any, but I’ve been thinking about growing them for a while. You know, because my company does seeds and everything. I’ve been planning out how to fill my planter boxes this year, but I think something like that would do better inside.”
“I think so too. At least where we live, it probably would. Uh, you could probably get some really cool seeds, couldn’t you?”
“I think I could.”
“Well…” The speaker crackles and goes silent.
I step back, waiting. I glance around again. There’s still no one out. I wait. I step forward. My finger hovers over the button. I don’t know what to say, though, so I let it fall away. I step back again. Hover my finger over the button again. Everything is still silent.
I’m just getting ready to push it and ask Rowan if she’s still there when I catch a shadow moving down the steps. A second later, the shadow materializes into Rowan, her classic wool coat on, and her yellow tote draped over her arm. She pushes open the door and studies me. I study her. Finally, she steps out and shuts the door gently behind her. She stares at me. I stare back.
Her lips purse as she tries to hide a smile. “If you wanted to talk cactuses and board games over ice cream, you could have just said so.”
I thought the grin from a few minutes ago was the biggest one of my life, but I was wrong. The one I’m giving her now, the face-cracking, cheek-splitting, forehead-wrinkling grin, is definitely the biggest, boldest, and brightest by far.
I offer her my arm like a real gentleman, and Rowan reaches out and takes it. She offers me a tentative smile, but her eyes are sparkling. We might have a lot of things to discuss and a long
