She turned slowly but kept her gaze averted. “I would offer you something to drink, but I don’t think you’ll be here long enough to enjoy it.” As though it caused her pain, she lifted her chin and raised her gaze to his eyes. “I think you should just say what you came to say, Nolan. Get it off your chest so that you’ll feel better and then I’d like you to leave.”
He reached his hand forward slowly until his fingertips touched the back of her hand. Her chest heaved as her lungs expanded, but she didn’t flinch. He allowed his fingers to drift around her small hand until their fingers linked. Uttering one word, “Please,” he stepped backward. Grateful she did not pull away, he led her ever-so-slowly toward the sofa. Their fingers remained linked, but he settled on one end of the sofa, giving her the freedom to choose where she wanted to set.
He hated that she dropped their physical connection but breathed a sigh of relief when she settled on the other end of the sofa, even if there were several feet of distance between them. She clasped her hands together in her lap but said nothing.
Suddenly, all the practiced speeches he’d created in his mind in the two days since he saw her last all flew from his mind. He swallowed, licked his lips, and wondered if he’d be able to speak with his mouth so dry.
“I was a moron,” he blurted. “Not just any moron… but a seriously stupid, fucking moron.”
She blinked, the surprise of his words evident on her face. She opened her mouth, then snapped it closed. Remaining silent, she waited. Uncertain how to follow up his previous statement, he dumped whatever speech he had in mind and went with his gut.
“I look back to when I was last here in your apartment, and I can’t believe how much has changed—”
“Wait,” she interrupted, her hands jerking up toward him as though to ward off any more words coming her way. “We don’t have to do this. We don’t have to talk this out. I get it… believe me, I really get it. We didn’t plan to get married, both thinking it was fake. We hadn’t planned on sharing a room until we ran into Errol and felt trapped. We certainly hadn’t planned on becoming intimate… that was the mistake—”
“We do need to do this, Lynn, because it wasn’t a mistake.” At those words, her brows lowered over a narrow glare. Pressing his point, he continued. “All of what you said was true. And I was an idiot when I accused you of planning it because that was a stupid, embarrassingly poor, knee-jerk reaction.”
He leaned forward just enough to place his large hand over hers, aware that his wedding band was still firmly in place. Her gaze dropped to their connection, but if she noticed the ring, she said nothing.
“That’s the first thing I need you to believe, Lynn. I’m normally a cool-headed guy who doesn’t fly off the handle even when caught off-guard. I loved the time we’d spent together, whether we were just talking, hanging out, or making love.”
She jerked her gaze back up to his face, and he nodded. “Yeah, I said making love. Babe, you were never just a fuck.” He gave her hand a small squeeze, struck by how much he’d missed touching her. “Like right now, it’s hitting me that in two days I got used to touching you, and for the last two days it’s been agony not having you near. Right now, sitting on your sofa with just my hand on yours feels more right than any moment since we were apart.”
She sucked in her lips and blinked rapidly, her head jerking in what he hoped was a nod of agreement.
“The last night we were together, laying in bed after you fell asleep, I tried to figure out how I felt about you, about us. I knew what I felt was real, I just didn’t know what to do about it. I hadn’t settled everything in my mind before we talked to Nancy and my mom. Then we were blindsided, and I reacted so badly. Please, believe me, that if I could take back those words, I would. I am so sorry I hurt you, and I’m begging you to forgive me.”
He held her gaze as he held her hand and watched a single tear slide down her cheek.
20
Lynn felt the tear drop from her cheek and glanced down to see it had landed on Nolan’s hand. The moisture pooled around his ring finger, and she sucked in her breath to see the band of white gold still where she had placed it. Lifting her gaze to his anguished face, his sincerity was evident.
Her heart ached in her chest and she dragged in a heavy breath. She nodded as she let it out slowly. “I believe you,” she began and felt his fingers clench hers a little tighter. “And I accept your apology. It was… stressful… all of it. We probably managed to jam more emotions into two days than should be humanly possible.”
He snorted slightly, nodding, his lips barely curving.
“Neither of us planned what happened, and you’re not the only one who enjoyed our time together, Nolan. Everything we did was fun and getting to know you was special. I also found myself wondering ‘what if.’ Wondering if there was a future beyond our adventure.”
She glanced down at their hands again and cleared her throat. “It’s true that I worshiped the ground you walked on when we were much younger--”
“No, Lynn, don’t.
