Lana sucked in a shuddering breath. “I was sent to destroy the Last Stand?”
After a slight hesitation, the Caretaker replied, “It appears that way.”
Void. It was hard to force the words out, but she had to know. “So everything I've done here, everything that's happened . . .” even falling in love with Dax? “that's all been the brainwashing?”
“I don't know,” Ali said simply. “Maybe not. For normal Dormants, they don't even realize they've been changed. They live out their lives as usual, occasionally nudged to actions they wouldn't normally do, or outright taken over to fulfill programmed objectives. They don't realize they're ticking time bombs who might at some point betray everyone they know and love, right up until the moment they're triggered.”
Lana blinked slowly, took a shuddering breath, and stared up at the newly scarred woman. “Normal Dormants?”
“We believe you were brainwashed in some new way that allowed it to persist after a mind wipe. We hadn't even known it was possible for Blank Slates to be Dormants before now, which is why none of us even considered the possibility.”
“So I could've attacked any of you at any time?” Lana asked, feeling sick. I could've murdered Dax in his sleep as he held me in his arms after making love?
Ali hesitated. “Doubtful. Dormants are generally brainwashed for specific purposes, so while it's not unheard of for them to go on murder sprees after infiltrating a group, in most cases their primary priority is to avoid blowing their cover at all costs, and a secondary priority is to defend themselves so they can continue the mission.
“Dormants operating on their own more commonly engage in espionage and subtle sabotage activities. They're usually only activated for combat if their controllers send them a specific trigger, in your case an auditory one over the comms.” Ali patted her shoulder again. “Don't worry, it was extremely unlikely you would've ever tried to attack any of us without that trigger. The biggest threat you presented would've been if you'd been left piloting the ship unsupervised, at which point you would've flown us into something at high speed and destroyed the ship.”
Lana's queasiness roiled until she had to swallow to keep from throwing up. “So I wouldn't have stabbed anyone, but I might've suicided the ship into an asteroid?! How is that in any way comforting?”
“The fact that you weren't able to?” Aiden said abruptly from somewhere behind her.
She jumped, at least as much as her straps allowed; she hadn't realized the captain was also in the room. Or if he hadn't been, that he'd entered without her noticing. And much as she tried to crane her neck to get a view of the man, the best angle she could manage was a glimpse of his arm and part of his leg.
For a moment Lana struggled for something to say to him, some apology. But his tone had been chilly and aloof, and she wasn't sure anything she said would help.
So she just got straight to the point, looking back at Ali. “What happens now? Am I going to do this again?” She pointedly shifted against her restraints. “Or stay here bound hand and foot forever to prevent it?”
The Caretaker hesitated. “Without a trigger it's unlikely you'll attack us, although that can be hard to predict now that your brainwashing is aware we know what you are. But as for espionage and sabotage . . .” She shook her head grimly. “There are three possibilities: you keep trying to fulfill your programmed objectives for as long as you have an opportunity. Or you're deprived of that opportunity and your brainwashing acknowledges that and goes dormant, forgive the phrasing, for as long as it considers completing its objectives to be impossible.”
Lana felt a surge of relief. “So I'd just be myself?”
“If it happens like that, although that's the least likely possibility. Dormant brainwashing isn't usually so passive.” Ali shook her head grimly. “Which leads us to our third possibility: your brainwashing realizes completing your objective has become impossible and you're a liability, and compels you to remove yourself.”
“Remove myself?” Lana asked, not liking that at all.
“Suicide,” Aiden said bluntly, making her flinch. “I had friends during the war who saw it happen. Not a pretty sight, to see a loved one betray you, fail, then kill themselves to avoid capture.”
The sick feeling returned. “I don't feel like killing myself, though. Is that a good sign?”
The Caretaker shook her head again. “Doubtful. The brainwashing wouldn't give you advance warning in case you tried to resist, like you did while fighting the gunner. Especially not when you're restrained and unable to attempt self harm at the moment in any case.”
Lana closed her eyes, the memories of her treacherous body trying to kill her lover coming back like a nightmare. “None of those options involved me just going back to being part of the crew. I'm not going to be able to stay, am I?”
Aiden snorted, although there was no humor in it. “After you were apparently programmed specifically to take out me and my ship? Don't be insane.”
“Can't you, can't you fix me?” she asked Ali desperately. “Erase the brainwashing, or something?”
The Caretaker rested a comforting hand on her arm. “Dormant brainwashing has been perfected over millennia, and on top of that yours is an entirely new form. Our best efforts can't even find evidence your mind has been tampered with, aside from wiping it of course. I'm afraid any attempt to free you from it might just make things worse, unless you could find a brainwashing expert who knew things the Caretakers don't.”
“In other words, no,” the captain agreed. “And in the meantime, how could we ever trust we defused your hidden
